partnered/symbiotic child

[Less]

Can anyone recommend some readings on this topic.  Is it part of the whole N pathology?

[Anonymous]

Hello Less,

I'm not sure what you mean here...are you looking for information about "emotional incest", that is, that the parent has replaced their spouse with one of their children to meet their emotional needs for a partner?

Seeker

[less]

That certainly sounds right. I saw a psychologist 2 weeks ago and she mentioned "the partnered child" as I was leaving.  Maybe that is just a nice way of saying incest. I'd rather not say it myself - maybe sexual interference is more accurate in my case. Not sure.  Just beginning to call things what I suppose they really were.  Emotional incest - I've never heard that - it conveys so much. Thank you Seeker.

[mighty mouse]

Howdy Les(s),

I think Seeker is on to something there - emotional incest. There is a book called "the emotional incest syndrome".

In any case, putting emotional incest as a key word in the computer brought up a lot of stuff. I don't know if you've tried it yet, but it seems pretty fascinating.

BTW I think many of us on this board are avocationally interested in psychological stuff because of our backgrounds, and it seems like there is much knowledge abounding here.

Good luck. And I'd like some of your cold air thank you very much!

MM

[Anonymous]

I'll give that a try MM. I'm hopping Posts - but if you come back here maybe you'll get this message.  Meant to comment on your love of B.C.  I have quite an attachment too. I was born in Vancouver ( but live in Ontario now.)It is spectacular. My sister is hiding out there! Escaped!

I lived in Madison,Wisc in the early 70's - what a time for a wide-eyed innocent but never been to Texas. I'll see what I can do about that cold air. Yes, there is a such an abundance of knowledge out here - I feel like I'm moving through this stuff so rapidly now.  So many years going around in circles but not now.  Y'all stay cool now.  Less

[juliajayne]

less,

I was wondering if you or anyone else here has heard the term "parentified child". And do you think it has anything to do with this partnering thing?

JJ

[Anonymous]

Hi JuliaJayne,

Yes, "parentified child" is a common dynamic in unhealthy/alcoholic families.  But it's different from the partner aspect.  It means that the child is expected to parent the actual parent by caretaking a sick or needy parent, being more "mature" than the parent, etc.  It allows the parent to be the child.

Emotional incest is similar in that the child is required to behave like an adult, but different in the role they are taking on.  I'm not real schooled in this, but I bet if you look up parentified child in the alcoholic family literature, you'll find loads of info.  Good luck to you, Seeker

[Less]

Good question and good suggestion! I just googled "parentified" and found some helpful articles.  Wrote these down. "One of the consequences of attempting to fulfill a caring role that is not possible for a child to accomplish adequately is considerable self-blame which is sometimes [only sometimes!?]
reinforced by guilt evoking strategies [oh mama] by other members of the family....Many compulsive caregivers spend a lifetime of guilt-driven looking after others."Also found,"..."becoming a confidant or mate to a parent."

So JuliaJayne (and other boarders) do you relate to this?

One thing it made me think of was  trying to prevent my father from getting drunk when my Nmother was away.{ it was usually her job, although she was often hammered as well, but I took it on when she was away } What ever made me think I could stand in front of the liquor cabinet and stop him - very bad idea but too young to know better.  Less

[mighty mouse]

Les(s),

I tried to be the peacemaker for continually fighting parents (too young to know better also). That was something I was ill prepared for and never felt like I accomplished anything. It's a terrible feeling.

My Mom also used to tell me inappropriate things about my Dad (liked he forced her to have sex - don't know if that was true). And she always got mad if I didn't know how to do stuff even though it wasn't age appropriate. In fact she never taught me anything. My older sisters taught me everything from washing my hair, menstruation, shaving...everything they knew.

I joked somewhere that I was raised by wolves (teens who weren't equipped for the job). And then I picked up the mantle for my younger sibs. But it wasn't something I wasn't good at and always felt overwhelmed.

MM

[Jaded]

I found alot of insight on this subject under "Covert Incest".  It answers alot of questions you might have and it sure in the hell makes you wonder alot while learning about it.

It seems that usually a N female chooses the boys and a N male chooses the female children.  It is very sick actually when you read it.

Best of luck!!!

[mighty mouse]

Sorry about the double negative. I just reread that post ans it doesn't make sense. I guess y'all get the gist though.

MM