Hi gals thanks for the note!
One more honest thought or thing to share before I completely leave this board.
This past weekend I met with my spiritual director, he is the one who wrote the information I posted on Victim Anger.
It became revealed to me that unconsciously I am drawn to hostility because it has a familiar quality such as the air I breathed growing up with an angry N mom.
As a baby, I've been told that I used to get neglected as my metally ill mom and N father would fight and yell. It was easier and less painful to feed off the air of hostility than it was to face the aching reality of neglect and the message of rejection that goes along with neglect for a small child. This pain has been coming up and I have been embracing the tears and the layer of healing. I think this is one of the big lessons I learned here.
I am good person with some baggage and pain that I am sincerely trying and willing to face myself and work through it - but this is just not the place FOR ME. This board opens the door for hostility to enter my reality and I no longer want to feed off of it or entertain hostility.
The conflict and hostility on this board is nothing new, from what I understand.
There are people here who hate me -- I can feel it.
That said - I can pick and choose my battles, trying to navigate my way here is just not one I want to invest the time even though all the people here are fully worthy and decent people - I just don't want to fight battles here.
I hope this gives a little more clarity as to what my motives are for leaving.
Also, my friends and family were starting to suffer from my attention to the board the more I was getting involved here and FOR ME it is healthier to leave than to stay
Peace,
Lise
