Hooked on Reality TV/Real Life Drama

[Overcomer]

I was thinking over the last couple of days about this board.  I stopped by and saw that someone was cloning our members.  Probably so they could say slanderous things as someone else. 

I remember the time I first came on this board.  I desperately needed help.  Validation.  I needed someone to understand my extreme frustration.  Someone to empathize with my journey.  Someone to give me some advise.

So I posted something a week or so ago about how my mom had ignored a NO and brought someone over to my house after I said NO.  I think I got one comment like, "oh that is how Ns are............"  No other comment.  I could have used a.........."how are you going to confront her, Kelly?"  Or a..........."what you could have done differently is....."  Or a.........."good for you for stretching and realizing maybe it wasn't you mom afterall.........maybe the woman was the one who would not take no for an answer and your mom has the problem with setting boundaries (which was the case................)  But instead I got nothing.

So then I started to think about America's fascination with Reality TV......the split screen where Rosie O'Donnell and Elizabeth Hasselbeck were arguing on The View.  The drama between women in The Bachelor.  It dawned on me.............why would anyone go to my boring little thread and give me just a little support when they could go to a thread where two or three members were bickering back and forth.........almost like a soap opera............I wonder what is going to happen today.......?

So that is why I said I was going to take a little break from the board.  I am in a good place right now.  My mom and I are not fighting.  Everything is going pretty well (and boy, am I happy for that...............if it wasn't going well I would be a basket case with the death and a move and surgery.........)

But I realized I was coming to the board to watch the drama unfold.  It was almost like watching a boxing match and waiting for the referee to step in and call a time out (Dr. G)  The healing balm our members need was being upstaged by continual conflict. 

So I just wanted you all to know that.  I love you all.  And will probably keep coming around and might scream for help when something happens.....

On a better note.  My Christmas shopping is pretty much done.  I think I will wrap the gifts today when we are iced in.  Ice coming.  Snow on top of that and then high winds!!!

[reallyME]

OVERCOMER:

So I posted something a week or so ago about how my mom had ignored a NO and brought someone over to my house after I said NO.  I think I got one comment like, "oh that is how Ns are............"  No other comment.  I could have used a.........."how are you going to confront her, Kelly?"  Or a..........."what you could have done differently is....."  Or a.........."good for you for stretching and realizing maybe it wasn't you mom afterall.........maybe the woman was the one who would not take no for an answer and your mom has the problem with setting boundaries (which was the case................)  But instead I got nothing.

and you needed US for this?  Seems like you have an EXCELLENT way of self-talk and figuring out your own issues.  I think you did just find without external input, actually.

~Laura

[Overcomer]

Yeah, I really did not need help, maybe just some support........but my point is that people don't bother with those only drama ones....

[towrite]

Kelly - I think the drama is a game. I, for one, do not ever wish to play them and I don't like them when I see it going on. One constant in my life is that anytime someone sees or senses me running a psych game, I welcome having my attention called to it so I can learn and change my behavior. I used to be into Transactional Analysis heavily, and there's one game applicable here: "Let's see you and her fight".

Thanks for posting this.

Kate

[reallyME]

regarding what towrite said about the game being: "let's see you and her fight"

In a recent situation, my name of the game was, "let's see if I can get these two people to come to a compromise, by helping them see the other's point of view." 

I have learned, through trying in vain to mediate between my sister-in-law and her ex husband, that this RARELY works.  One of the people inevitably will turn a deaf ear to the other one, insisting that they were saying or meaning such and such, when it's clear to most people that was not at all where their heart was.  In those cases, I've learned to speak what I have to say and then back out of it.

To be honest, I start feeling myself become angry at the person who will not hear the other person's side in things, so it's best anyway for me to step out, lest I then become the new target.

~Laura

[Leah]

The true fact is, one always gets to know; who is, or who is not, genuine.  Who will, or who will not, offer some glimmer of genuine support, undertanding, insight, and/or signposting.  Who is genuinely selfless, or, who has an 'all about me and my needs' approach to people.  Who is, and who is not, dependent on the words of praise to fill an inner empty void.  Who does, and does not, responds with envy, or, from a perception of lack of attention.  Who is, and who is not, needy.  Who has, and who has not, an apparent inner purpose and contentment.

Then there is the disordered person, who behaves in a disordered way, which you get to know, and see.

What You See Is What You Get.

It's the same all world over, in real life, and, in a supportive community environment - cyber or none.

It's simply, a fact of life.

Leah

[CB123]

.........."how are you going to confront her, Kelly?"  Or a..........."what you could have done differently is....."  Or a.........."good for you for stretching and realizing maybe it wasn't you mom afterall.........maybe the woman was the one who would not take no for an answer and your mom has the problem with setting boundaries (which was the case................)

Speaking just for myself, Kelly, I am so gunshy of responding the way you suggest above--because of all the conflict lately.  I think of things I could say in reponse to posts, but I'm wary of saying anything much.  If I think that I could suggest something you could do differently, I doubt that I will say anything.

Trust me, I wasnt so enamored with the other conflict-ridden posts that yours appeared boring.  I don't like reality TV and can hardly wait until this entertainment fad ends and we get back to stories. 

Love,
CB

[Hopalong]

I'm sorry I didn't stop to offer you support, Kel.
You really have been carrying a lot on your shoulders...
it's good to hear that you're feeling in a better place now.

Any time you need it, saying "I need support" can really help it happen...

If I'm online I'll come out of my fog and answer.

love and a happy Christmas to you,
Hops

[Overcomer]

Thanks to C B and Hops.  I would not have snapped at you C but maybe someone else might have.  And Hops I really did not need a lot of support but what I was saying is that maybe someone would need support and we all are flocking to the conflict and ignoring those in need.  Merry Christmas to you all too!

[towrite]

(((((((overcomer)))))))

[Gaining Strength]

Overcomer - I really connect with your first post here.  I have had similar feelings since I first began to post on this site.  I vacillate between a sense of belonging here and longing for more connection than I experience here.  In truth, I don't experience a strong sense of connection, in fact my sense of connection is quite tenuous.  I do belong here.  We all do.  It is the commonality of our profound woundedness issuing forth from our experiences with Ns.

There are several people here whom I have an affinity for but in each case my affinity is not felt in return and just as in 3D world I experience this as profound rejection.  It's really not but I am sooooo predisposed for rejection that I experience so much as that. 

I have looked to others to fill that hole for so long, that hole that should have been fillled by loving parents from the very start.  But that did not happen and now it is up to me to find a way to fill that hole.  I still so long for another or others to come along and fill it but that leaves me susceptible to real abuse.  When I find a way to fill it by my own then I will overcome the sense of reject that has been the controlling force in my entire life.

I have been thinking about your post for the past several days and about something that Write posted.  I do keep coming here as though doing so will eventually pave over that hole but it won't - no more than a new relationship or a new friendship or a new car or house or baby will pave over that hole, no more than going over the offenses of my parents and brothers and husband or lost friendships. 

I am left with me and my God to fill my holes and restore me.  I am led astray when that feels not enough.

(Overcomer, I want to be clear that I am not tellling you what YOU need to do, I am writing here about myself in response to a place in my heart that reading your post touched. I am writing just about myself, thinking outloud as it were.)

[Ami]

Overcomer - I really connect with your first post here.  I have had similar feelings since I first began to post on this site.  I vacillate between a sense of belonging here and longing for more connection than I experience here.  In truth, I don't experience a strong sense of connection, in fact my sense of connection is quite tenuous.  I do belong here.  We all do.  It is the commonality of our profound woundedness issuing forth from our experiences with Ns.

There are several people here whom I have an affinity for but in each case my affinity is not felt in return and just as in 3D world I experience this as profound rejection.  It's really not but I am sooooo predisposed for rejection that I experience so much as that. 

I have looked to others to fill that hole for so long, that hole that should have been fillled by loving parents from the very start.  But that did not happen and now it is up to me to find a way to fill that hole.  I still so long for another or others to come along and fill it but that leaves me susceptible to real abuse.  When I find a way to fill it by my own then I will overcome the sense of reject that has been the controlling force in my entire life.

I have been thinking about your post for the past several days and about something that Write posted.  I do keep coming here as though doing so will eventually pave over that hole but it won't - no more than a new relationship or a new friendship or a new car or house or baby will pave over that hole, no more than going over the offenses of my parents and brothers and husband or lost friendships. 

I am left with me and my God to fill my holes and restore me.  I am led astray when that feels not enough.

(Overcomer, I want to be clear that I am not tellling you what YOU need to do, I am writing here about myself in response to a place in my heart that reading your post touched. I am writing just about myself, thinking outloud as it were.)

 Dear GS
  I think that the answer to OUR dilemma  is to carry our "home" with us. IOW, for me, I need to be at home in my own skin. I have memories of this, so at least I know what it feels like .Do you know what I mean about feeling at home within yourself?Have you ever felt this sense of centeredness, GS?
 For me,I am striving to find that centeredness . I think that we are like Dorothy. We HAVE the answer,but it is obscured under all the lies that we believed about our worthlessness . We (I was) taught that I needed to get approval from outside in order to be OK( another lie)All these lies about who we are are what is destroying us. We have to root out these lies and replace them with the truth( we have unherent value from God)
  About drama---*I *had my fill for about.......Oh------ ten lifetimes(lol)                         Ami

[Gaining Strength]

Yes I get it Ami.  I get glimpses of that centeredness.  That is all I get so far but I see that as significant.  My goal is to turn these glimpses into longer and longer periods.

I love that understanding of Dorothy.  For so long I couldn't understand how I could have the answer but thankfully now I do.  I so hope we can get their in 2008 - get home in ourselves.  Here's wishing us all a happier new year!

[Overcomer]

GS:  I have always felt a kinship with you and miss you when you are gone for a long time.  Sometimes those voices who helped me when I needed it and then they be not here leaves me feeling all alone.  I am glad You felt the same when you read it.  I want those supportive friends back!

[Gaining Strength]

Thank you for that wonderful Christmas gift Overcomer.  I cannot tell you how deeply it touches me to read that you feel a kinship with me.  I know there have been some times when we really connect, understanding each other's struggle and sharing a common determination to move forward.  I am claiming great progress for 2008 - for myself and you and others.  Thanks again.