Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Careers and work
Ishana:
Hi everyone! I've been reading posts for a while and even posted a couple of times so you might remember me. :D
I wanted to respond to this post because I believe my childhood has significantly affected me in the area of education / career.
First of all, let me say that I am very lucky because my biological mother raised me until I was almost 7 years old, when she passed away from cancer (she was 28 years old.) It wasn't until a few months later that my father married my stepmother who, it turns out, is N.
So from my mother I gained a sense of positive self-worth and the sense that I could acheive whatever I wanted.
From my stepmother I learned it was dangerous (severe beatings) :x if I excelled or did too badly. If I did too well it meant she wasn't the "goddess" of EVERYTHING so that was deadly. If I did too badly then she couldn't brag on what a wonderful parent she was so that was dangerous too.
So now I have this dichotomy within...I feel I CAN achieve and I go so far...but then I hold myself back from meeting my full potential.
Does anyone else have this dynamic from their N childhood?
Ishana
mighty mouse:
Sjkravill,
My full time job is now reflecting and repairing my broken self as you say. The problem is it doesn't pay well LOL. Not in monetary terms, but in emotional and esteem terms it's paying handsomely.
Les,
Just realized my quote from the last post didn't include the point - which was to say that our Western culture - by putting such a high value on money, money, high powered business, is in Lowen's estimation sick and Narsicisstic
I think this is true. Instead of being satisfied with a job that has dignity, we are all looking for high powered careers. It's now gotten to the point that our president thinks that we should let illegal aliens (I hate that term - it sounds so impersonal) in to the country to do the jobs we Americans don't want to do. When did it become bad to do just simple work that you get paid for. BTW I haven't formulated a political opinion on the above illegal alien question. Since I live in Texas, we have a large number of Mexican workers and they are extremely hard working, so I just don't know.
I think some of the question of if we are or are not under acheivers stems from the thinking we got from Nparents. I actually am part owner of a travel agency and service my own clients from home, but I still don't feel successful. And I've travelled all over the world. So I either need a realignment in thinking as you mentioned, or I need to align my interests with a career. Easier said than done of course.
And Seeker, I've always had a deadly fear of drawing attention to myself but that's starting to change. I'm not sure how much that has to do with the Nquotient or my personality type.
In the meantime, I'm still searching and watching the afternoon sunlight. And I bicycle with my H in the daytime when it's not too hot. And I'm reading "Anna Karenina" with Opie's book club. It's those darn feminists that said we had to do it all. Let's blame them LOL.
MM
mighty mouse:
Ishana, Didn't mean to leave you out. Goodness.
So now I have this dichotomy within...I feel I CAN achieve and I go so far...but then I hold myself back from meeting my full potential
Very elegantly and succintly put.
MM
sjkravill:
Hey all!
I don't know if this topic is still of interest. I have wanted to post, but it has taken me at least a week to work up the courage to talk about this... Isn't that funny? Why should careers and work be threatening?! I have also been trying to process my thoughts... So, if you still want to listen, I think I may finally be ready to talk. Try as I might, I still may not be very articulate or organized! Here it goes...
OK, ready? Promise not to stone me?
All of my life I have felt "called" to ministry. I grew up with church as the one place that seemed to accept me and encourage me.
Now I am 22. I have graduated from college, and in the fall am headed, as most everyone expected, to seminary....
But now, I have all of these questions!!!
NOTE: If you are a very traditional Christian, I am NOT trying to offend!!! It might be wise not to read on if you are a fundamentalist. Please don't respond with intolerance!
Now, I know the church. I know it has literally burried the history of women and the value in women. It pretty much excludes gay and lesbian people, it is So patriarchial and traditional... I am way to radical for this! I am not strong enough to be radical in a traditional setting.
The local church can be a wonderful place, but it, probably like most organizations, is can be mean, and aflicted... It is very political, there are always money problems, and always people who want to control. I don't know if I want to spend my life in this work. I don't know if I have the endurence!
I also know more than a few pastors who have major boundary issues themselves. I wonder if this career draws people who have such aflictions. I wonder if I have such issues. My hunch is that I struggle with authority, and with setting limits. I would never want to hurt anyone or create dependancy. I would not want to do this work if it were about my need to be loved.
I know that spiritually, I have more questions and fewer answers each day. How can I help others with the theology of suffering, how can I help others to define God? I can scarce deal with my own spiritual issues.
Part of me wants to work in Urban settings. I am with children in urban ministry this summer. I love it, and it is hard, exhausting work. There is not much money, and lots of marginal people...
Another issue, is that I am interested in so many different things. I am interested in academics, I am interested in Social Work, I am interested in feminism, in counseling... I am actually currently planning on a dual degree in Social Work and Divinity. Why am I doinng this? Am I trying to be an over achiever? Do I just want more options? Am I going to overwhelm myself?
I am fighting the idea that I have to be married to a single career. Yet, I have a hard time not feeling like I am speeding down a road without any brakes. If not this, than what? I don't really know how to go about career discernment.
The issues my parents contribute are similar to y'alls. A sense of deep inadequacy, fear of making mistakes, fear that I will never pick something that will be a happy choice, fear of being judged harshly...
Indecision... A constant nagging critical inner voice, that I have to intentionally try to quiet.
Well, I guess that's all I have to say for now on that subject...thanks for waiting for me. Thank's for letting me vent my anxiety!
Peace, sjkravill
nassim:
Hi Sjkravill,
I know this probably won't help much, but I don't think too many people know if a career is right for them before the fact. In other words, you might not really know until you are "in it". You may indeed find that the ministry is not for you. But that doesn't mean you will have failed, or that you should be judged harshly. Of course, as is usually the case, you will be harder on yourself than anyone else.
Fortunately for you, you are only 22. Most of us on this board are way beyond having the luxury of even being in your conundrum. After establishing a family, it's pretty hard to even think about what you want to do, it's more of a question of what you need to do.
As far as questioning the patriarchal attitudes of Christianity, I think you are wise to question. That IMO makes you better spiritually if not an ideal church leader. And it seems that a lot of church leaders are more interested in the political and financial aspects of church than the actual spirituality. So you may find that another avenue is better for you.
I think it's important to just forge ahead. You will makes mistakes. You may not be able to narrow down a career. But I feel sure that since you are already so aware, you probably have a better chance than most. And in the forging, new, perhaps never thought of avenues may open to you. But taking action is better than worrying and certainly better than not doing it at all.
Foist yourself on the world without apology young blood!
Nassim
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version