The Will to Live

[Ami]

I think that s/where back in all that pain, I lost the will to live. I took one knock too many and gave up. I thought that my paltry life was not worth anything, So what?
If you can't seem to get your mind  and the connection to your emotions, back,it doesn't  seem worth living.I just wanted to sink back with the ghosts of the past . Now, I am at a crossroads and asking the question,"Do I really want to re-claim my life? Do I really want to LIVE it as "me".
 Now, I have to take the steps to get out the patterns of giving up. I have many 'giving up ' patterns from not eating enough to not "choosing" but letting  circunstances chose for me. I have lived as another person, the programmed person. This has no richness .
 So, I guess that if God made me, He has a plan for me that is bigger than just "bare existence". He didn't make me to be "s/one else".He did not make me to "vegetate".So, I guess that I will venture forward--- slowly--but forward.            Ami

[alone48]

Ami, I myself have questioned this lately.....but the alternative is so definite. At this point in my life I don't know what it's all about and am looking for some of the same answers you are searching. Let me know if you find it.

[Ami]

Dear Alone,
  I think that I have given up, on a deep level, not actually "commiting suicide" ,but not going forward as 'me"--just being "someone who is "there'--not "real"--as myself. I know that you will undertand Alone, at least I think you will.
  I think that I am ready to jump back in to my own skin--as me. I know that I will make a ton of mistakes. Some I have made on the board,in front of everyone(lol).
 Some I  will make in real life. I think that I have to make mistakes as I "unfreeze" from the state of frozen inertia.
 I think that I am going to do it ,Alone. I think that I am going to go forward in my life with only my "core"(real self) to guide me.I think that many mistakes are coming,but also many experiences where at least I will be present. That HAS to be an improvement(LOL)
                     Love   Ami