Ruining Help For Others

[gratitude28]

In waging personal battles here on the board, you have made it impossible for anyone else to have a voice or get help. You have all but shut down this board and rendered it useless. I would think it is time to reflect whether your personal squabbles are worth this effect. If you believe they are, then you are truly and completely self-centered and need to reflect on yourself and whether being right is more important than being a good and useful member of society.

[reallyME]

gratitude:

In waging personal battles here on the board, you have made it impossible for anyone else to have a voice or get help.

I understand the gist of what you are saying here, however, I do not see how individual threads have made it impossible for anyone else to have a voice or get help.

There are so many hundreds (thousands maybe?) of threads on here that any newcomer or oldcomer can access.  There was no reason that they had to read the recent ones.  I think your statement seems a bit of an overgeneralization, to say that people have made it "impossible" for "anyone else" to have a voice or get help.

Plenty of people have posted how they have gotten help here, in spite of any personal issues.  this board has given people a voice to talk about those personal issues and yes, wage battle if need be.  For the first time, some people finally are standing up and FIGHTING for themselves.

I personally find it refreshing and encourage newcomers to find different threads if some do not appeal to them, but as soon as I see people's free wills and voices taken from them, I promise I will be the next to leave this place.



~Laura

[gratitude28]

Laura,
I realize that was a strong statement, but every thread here has turned into a battle of late. I would head for the hills if I were checking this place out. Yes, I would know where to look if I wanted to find something. But a newer person will read what is first in line to see if it is helpful. Additionally, our regular members are having posts turned into war zones. I am all for "hijacking" if the thread takes a turn into a helpful area.
Love, Beth

[tayana]

A lot of times people just checking out a forum will only read the first couple of pages, or even the first few posts.  I know if I were a newbie, I wouldn't have stuck around.

[reallyME]

Ok, now i'm thinking "these people complain about private messages being wrong, then they have a fit about the messages on the public board...this is a no win situation"  now THIS is the sort of thing that would make ME leave here...not seeing others free to use their voices how they choose, within reason.

As for newbies, no, not ALL of them only read the first few posts.  If they are serious about checking Vboard out, they will stay around a while and peruse the entire board that has specific topics that interest them.  I did.  I know others who have.  I just can't agree with what you said, Tayana.

~Laura

[tayana]

Well, Laura, then you are more persistent than I am.  When I first came to the board, I read all of Dr. G's articles, then I checked out the forum.  I read no more than the first few pages and lurked for a few days before I decided if I wanted to make a very cautious post.  I never did delve into all of the pages of posts.  I spent a lot of time watching the interaction on the board.  I joined in 2003 if you are curious. 

[Leah]

Likewise, when I first came to the board (after googling in voicelessness) I read all of Dr G's articles and then I went to the forum.

I did not delve into all the hundreds of posts on the forum, instead I read some of the "what helps" articles and ascertained that this may just be a safe place to belong to.  That was in January 2007.

What I was totally unaware of was that in the previous months there had been toxic conflict going on and some hurt people had left the board.  Then out rolled some toxic drama during my time here.  So, I stayed away from the board - from May'07 to Oct'07.

My understanding is, that during this time that I was completely away from the board, a mighty conflict took place.

So my thoughts are, where do we want to be in 2008?   And how can we effectively move on with a purpose?   Without the same old same old behaviour.

Just a thought that occurred to me, that's all.

Leah

[lighter]

In waging personal battles here on the board, you have made it impossible for anyone else to have a voice or get help. You have all but shut down this board and rendered it useless. I would think it is time to reflect whether your personal squabbles are worth this effect. If you believe they are, then you are truly and completely self-centered and need to reflect on yourself and whether being right is more important than being a good and useful member of society.

I'm constantly baffled by posts I interpret as being written in code, at least on this board.

First... I can only assume that I believe your referring to someone particular when you say 'you.'  I may be wrong?

Unfortunately... that leaves it pretty wide open for those who are seeking help and always willing to assume they're the problem.... that  they're the one your referring to. 

Really.  There are probably 4 people suspecting you're talking about them.

You may be referring to some ONE person who wouldn't for a minute entertain the idea that they're the one you're referring to.

Hard to say really. 

I'm just saying..... I feel lots of posts here are coded and I don't know how to interpret them, so I ask.

I have a hard time understanding how conflict renders people voiceless or keeps them from posting their own peaceful threads but there I have another dichotomy..... we can't control anyone else.... except every board member who's looking for help. 

THEM 'you' renders voiceless and unable to get help.   ::nodding::

 I had a hard time wading through the conflicts and a couple of whacked posters to figure out who had some answsers for me and who didn't.  I wish there was some way to discern that,when a newbie arrives but alas....... I don't believe there is, not one that's acceptable anyhoo.

All in all I ended up not becoming voiceless on this board... I suppose a few of you have noticed..... or not? 


I don't know how this affects board members and lurkers who were voiceless as children.... I really don't.

I can't tell if there's a certain amount of healing that can take place,then no more, or......

if we don't know what to shoot for, to tell ya the truth.

I kind'a suspect it's the latter. 


Disclaimer:  I realize my post may very well sound like code to most of you.  Sorry about that in advance I sort of think out on the board lately.

[reallyME]

Hey Tayana and Leah,

Now that I think about it, I also perused the files from Dr G. before entering the forum section.  After I entered the forum, I decided to talk about my story regarding Jodi, etc...immediately, Bean and I got into a spat, which she would/has verified.  Over time, Dr G corrected me, Bean confronted me, and we both sought forms of counsel and reconciled.  At this time, I adore Bean and hope to one day possibly meet her or at least talk on phone with her.  She is a dear.

I am not one who likes conflicts to be unresolved at all, but I do enjoy the idea that people are free to be themselves on this group.  I don't want to lose that.

~Laura

[Lupita]

Maybe if we just not write in that post, with the only fact of not giving any attention, the post would go away by it self.

A thread only grows if we go an write on it.

Maybe the post would go away by extintion. Lack of re-inforcement, negative or positive.

Lack of attention is a killer for some.

[lighter]

There's always going to be newbies that get drawn in and give attention. 

Who has the stomach to ignore them when they're being sucked in and manipulated?

BTW, Lupita.... it's cool to hear your voice, your thinking this through from a place of observation, I think?  Not emotion or fear.... very cool.   

[Leah]

Maybe if we just not write in that post, with the only fact of not giving any attention, the post would go away by it self.

A thread only grows if we go an write on it.

Maybe the post would go away by extintion. Lack of re-inforcement, negative or positive.

Lack of attention is a killer for some.

Dear Lupita,

Spoken with such bold wisdom, insight and clarity.

So truly wonderful to * see * this growth in you.

Leah

[Lupita]

Thank you Lea.


Thank you Grat for this post.

[towrite]

Wow, such energy behind a post. I have not noticed conflicts here, but, then, I have only been a member for a short time, going in and out. My take on all this is - I have no idea, and do not wish to know, who these "subversive" members are whom you all seem to believe love conflict. Here's the rub, IMO: we are all vulnerable due to the influences of various Ns in our lives; yet this is a place we CAN be vulnerable without criticism. Does all this vulnerability and past experience with Ns make us paranoid about others' posts/true intentions? I'm sure y'all know more than me, but it seems to be a self-defeating cycle if that's the case.

towrite.

[JanetLG]

Beth,

Your post does sound rather silly to me. Who are you referring to? Do you have the nerve to address it to anyone in particular?

If you are unhappy with the 'tone' of the forum at the moment, why not start a thread on a 'nicer/safer' topic, avoid the ones that wind you up, or simply take a break from reading the threads altogether? Can you do that?

Threads like this one just continue the vague 'bad atmosphere', without actually tackling anything at all that would make it less likely to happen again in the future.


Janet