It's awful..... all the unknows WHAT IF's?
What if he's not smart enough to handle birth control himself?
What if the girls WANTS to get pregnant?
What if she says she handled it but doesn't?
What if it doesn't cross his mind that he's responsible too IF he doesn't want children this year?
What if they both use it and they still get pregnant?
What if what if what if?
And that awful feeling of standing before a bad situation...... not wanting to say "told you so."
But it might be hanging there soon,
or.....
even worse.....
Your son comes up to you and clutches at your arm.....
says you were right.....
every word you uttered, which he resented at the time, came true and now he's looking desperately in your eyes for more answers NOW that it's too late to change what fell on him.
You won't have any answers. It will be done and nothing will undo it.
You're already adjusting and figuring out how to deal with the next phase of that reality..... you can't waste time on their regrets.
Your job description just changed.... once again.
Now you must be positive and help them seek ways of coping and navigating through their current situation.... living with a child and unfinished school...... with limited funds and time and experience raising a child.
What WOULD happen if he got this girl pregnant?
::wishing you could insitgate your sons lengthy proximity to a newborn baby:: Nothing romantic about that...::shaking head::
Maybe, if you follow the logical conclusions to their most feared ends..... you'd fear them less?
It wouldn't be the end of the world.
You'd have a grandchild and your son would be forced to mature and take on the role of a man very quickly.
What would you want for him then?
What could you do to help him acheive that?
How much time would you want to spend with your grandchild?
There are single mothers who work, raise children and go to school at the same time.
Your son might not get much sleep but.... why would he have to give up his education?
Not everyone gives up their education.
BTW...... a friend of mine lost his scholorship and funding for school when he got married. It was a kick in the teeth on top of the shock of finding sex leads to babies ::gulp::
I don't understand why people don't take sex more seriously...... they're weilding BABY MAKING APPARATUS for goodness sake!
OK... not helping, I realize that.
Alll you can do is give him information.
Saying things like.....
"I suppose that having a baby now wouldn't be the end of the world..... I'd get to hold my grandchild and you might find you don't need sleep or a break from caring for a child and working 3 jobs while attending school.... and if that failed.... settling for a job you don't prefer wouldn't kill you either. I'm sure marriage to your GF would be worth that price. At any rate, you're right, you're a man now and these are your decisions to make...... after all.... you'll be the one living with the consequences, not me."
Hug him with love, as you would if he ended up getting her pregnant..... and do your job.
Your job is taking care of you. Not controlling him, he's right about that.
He's a young man now and young people can be driven into doing things simply bc we oppose them.
If you truly let him feel he's on his own and that he's free to make big boy decisions.... he might be more careful about them. As long as he has the feeling you're controlling him, he won't get the full impact that the consequences are his to deal with, alone.
I remember feeling a version of that when I was protectively dating an abusive Army Ranger...... when I felt my family finally accepting him.... releasing their tight grip of fear on me..... I about fell over from the feeling of falling and being left to a fate I absolutely DID NOT WANT. I got myself out and never thought about going back.
Don't pick on the GF.
You can do more good by accepting, ahead of time, those things that you fear. Verbalize them to him as though you'd be OK but make sure he understands what that might look like.
Shrug your shoulders and look absolutely NON judgemental. "I guess you really love her.... maybe that's worth any price?"
He can then feel free to ponder the possible prices that could may very well land on his head. Hopefully, he'll adjust his priorities and make responsible adult decisions.
