the apron

[towrite]

Geez, Bones, you really opened a door for me when I read your story... like your apron was thrown in the trash and your mother tried to 'gift' others' trash to you, I cannot count how many times my mother has given me gifts she got out of the trash. A rug, which was in a trash pile at a curb, my own belongings which I had thrown out. I never thought about this - I laughed as tho' it were amusing - but now I see that it was denial of one more hurt she heaped on me. You would never believe what she gave me just this Chrtistmas - a pair of expensive, pink kid gloves. Pink, for God sakes! At least she didn't get those out of the trash. One year she gave me a used license plate, another time she gave me a bikini and then forbade me to wear it. She bought it 'cuz there were friends of hers in the store and she wanted to be seen as a 'with-it' mom.

Thank you for sharing.

[Lupita]

)))))))))))))))Towrite(((((((((((((((

My mother stold a beautiful plant from my garden, years ago. I was looking for it like crazy. She said, "I am sure that your gardener took it" I did not have a gardener, just somebody to cut the grass because I did not have the maschine. Later she told me:
Do you rememeber that beautiful plant you gave me? It is growing very nicely!!!!!!

[towrite]

Geez, Lup. Sometimes I wish there were a machine to attach to these N's heads which would buzz or shock when they weave their devious webs - when they flat out lie.

[Ami]

Dear towrite,
Kate,  I was waiting to hear from you.I am here ,whenever you need me.
  Your M must have lost her soul and a monster took over,like a Stephen King novel. She really lost her humanity at some point.
  Kate,it is like a Twilight Zone episode. It really is. In the Stephen King book, The Tommyknockers, the people literally do lose their souls. They are invaded by an 'evil presence". Once, they are invaded, they try to get other people to give up their souls.
 I guess that  these books are written with some truth in them . N's and sociopaths are versions of the people in the Tommyknockers.
I am really sorry, towrite and Lupita. It is s/thing that no one should have to bear. The human spirit can take just so much before it breaks.   I am so, so sorry.                              Love   Ami


((((((((((Towrite,Lupita))))))))))))

[Lupita]

I will never understand why such an interesting topic like this, has had such a few posts. People would have to have millions of things to share about this.

[BonesMS]

Geez, Bones, you really opened a door for me when I read your story... like your apron was thrown in the trash and your mother tried to 'gift' others' trash to you, I cannot count how many times my mother has given me gifts she got out of the trash. A rug, which was in a trash pile at a curb, my own belongings which I had thrown out. I never thought about this - I laughed as tho' it were amusing - but now I see that it was denial of one more hurt she heaped on me. You would never believe what she gave me just this Chrtistmas - a pair of expensive, pink kid gloves. Pink, for God sakes! At least she didn't get those out of the trash. One year she gave me a used license plate, another time she gave me a bikini and then forbade me to wear it. She bought it 'cuz there were friends of hers in the store and she wanted to be seen as a 'with-it' mom.

Thank you for sharing.

You're welcome.

More memories keep coming to the surface so I'll probably be adding more.

Bones

[BonesMS]

When I finally moved out of the apartment and moved into my first home, the most liberating thing I did was take all the trashy furniture that Nmother gave me, break it up and throw it into the dumpster!  I did NOT want that garbage in my new home.  I'm slowly rebuilding with new furniture, one piece at a time.

Another memory that just surfaced...I bought some material, and a pattern, to make myself a dress.  Then my purchases mysteriously disappeared.  Later on, I discovered that my Nmother gave them to my Nsister, who promptly "lost" them...no apologies, no reimbursement, nothing.

Bones

[BonesMS]

They had no remorse taking things from me.

Bones

[BonesMS]

I think lack of remorse is typical of N's.

Bones

[towrite]

I totally agree, Bones. I think the denial is so bone-deep they cannot admit or will not admit what they did, let alone be remorseful. I read somewhere that N's are so dependent on other people's good opinions (the feeding) that to admit they did something wrong would shatter their egos almost completely. That's why therapy with N's is tricky; they will collapse if they ever come face-to-face with their emptiness. They resort to almost inhuman acts in order to protect that emptiness and stave off the ego collapse.

I have another story to relate, but it will have to wait til I'm more rested. Can't sleep tonight 'cuz of the paranoia this event has stirred up.

[Leah]

Totally agree, Bones and ToWrite,

They never apologize because everything they do is right, for them, for their sole purpose in their life.

They don't do reciprocal.

They really don't have a conscience, that I really do firmly believe.  Hence, no self-reflection, no remorse, just empty actions for their will and purpose.

Stupidly, as a doormat, in the past, I have cried and said sorry to them!  After the odd daring moment of standing up to them, as a young married woman.

Upon reflection, what a sad muppet was I ?!  But, then I believed their twisted lie of 'honoring the parent' even when they batter you.

Free of all that, and staying that way 


Sincere good wishes to you both,

Leah

[BonesMS]

I totally agree, Bones. I think the denial is so bone-deep they cannot admit or will not admit what they did, let alone be remorseful. I read somewhere that N's are so dependent on other people's good opinions (the feeding) that to admit they did something wrong would shatter their egos almost completely. That's why therapy with N's is tricky; they will collapse if they ever come face-to-face with their emptiness. They resort to almost inhuman acts in order to protect that emptiness and stave off the ego collapse.

I have another story to relate, but it will have to wait til I'm more rested. Can't sleep tonight 'cuz of the paranoia this event has stirred up.

Thanks, ToWrite.  I think that's the best way to describe these monsters.

Bones

[BonesMS]

Totally agree, Bones and ToWrite,

They never apologize because everything they do is right, for them, for their sole purpose in their life.

They don't do reciprocal.

They really don't have a conscience, that I really do firmly believe.  Hence, no self-reflection, no remorse, just empty actions for their will and purpose.

Stupidly, as a doormat, in the past, I have cried and said sorry to them!  After the odd daring moment of standing up to them, as a young married woman.

Upon reflection, what a sad muppet was I ?!  But, then I believed their twisted lie of 'honoring the parent' even when they batter you.

Free of all that, and staying that way 


Sincere good wishes to you both,

Leah

Thanks, Leah.

Children have no control over the actions of Narcissistic parents, especially when the child is still small and totally dependent on these Nparents for survival.

Bones

[Leah]

Thanks, Leah.

Children have no control over the actions of Narcissistic parents, especially when the child is still small and totally dependent on these Nparents for survival.

Bones

Dear Bones,

Yes, children are totally at the mercy at the hands of these cruel nasty people, who choose to be, and do, for their own purpose(s).

Love, Leah

[BonesMS]

Thanks, Leah.

Children have no control over the actions of Narcissistic parents, especially when the child is still small and totally dependent on these Nparents for survival.

Bones

Dear Bones,

Yes, children are totally at the mercy at the hands of these cruel nasty people, who choose to be, and do, for their own purpose(s).

Love, Leah

Thanks, Leah.

Bones