Is he really an N

[Hopalong]

I think that will change with time, too, Alone.

You need time to evaluate how all this happened, how you learned to choose someone like that, and anchor that learning so you'll trust your judgment again one day.

It does take time. And you're doing that work right here, and by reading, etc.

Don't give up on your future, just don't race toward it.

Being present in the present is the best thing, I think.

love
Hops

[alone48]

Thanks Hops,

I sometimes feel like I'm going backward not forward. I use to think I had alot of friends and I do, but I am also so alone. Everyone I know is in realtionships are have large family involvement. I fit in before, but don't seem to anymore. My family seems to resent that I am no longer the strong family matriarch and would like to see me disappear at this point. I am now a problem, where before I was the solver of problems. I don't know that I want a relationship, but the reality of finding one at my age is very depressing too. I guess that's what I mean by nothing to look forward too. I know it can change everyday and truly I am grateful for the gifts I've been given. Not many people at my age could have easily found a new job and had the support  I received, I KNOW THIS. Why can't I just be grateful for that? I know that he isn't done destroying me and the worse is yet to come. He truly becomes fixated on those he hates, I have seen it. I helped to defuse it against some, but there is no one to do that on my behalf.