Very unhappy new year.

[Lupita]

Thank you for encouraging me. God bless you. Today my son is going back to his apartment. He is out now but he has to come back to get his piano, his books, etc. He has a very nice weak snoring little noice. It gives me so much peace to hear that, during nights that he is here and I cannot sleep.  It is so relaxing. Why do they have to grow up?

[axa]

Hi Lupita,

I am sorry you feel excluded from your son's life.  I think it is difficult to endure the exclusion you feel.  I had hoped to be closer to my son but realise that they move on with their lives.  I am sorry that your son has not met a girl who is respectful to you.

axa

[Lupita]

Thank you Axa. I think he is including me as much as he can. Christmas, new year and Sunday lunchs. He says that the majority of his classmates do not see thier parents as often as he sees me. So, I guess I am lucky.

After several days together this vacation, I am going to miss him a lot. He is a good boy.

[Izzy_*now*]

He has a very nice weak snoring little noice. It gives me so much peace to hear that

Ah, Lupita,

I too am one who feels such peace and comfort from the gentle snore in the night. It has, however, been some time--

Ah, but not No. I came partially awake to gentle snoring a few weeks back and was so comforted. Who was in bed with me? Nuts! I was snoring, likley more loudly. and awakened myself gradually.

sinuses
Izzy

[Lupita]

You teased me again. LOL.

[finding peace]

Hi Lupita,

I read what you wrote twice.  Wow!  What a son.  He is quite an extraordinary person.  I think you must have done a terrific job in raising him. 

Ummm, is it just me, or is GFM a tad on the interfering side?   

I dunno, I guess I might do the same for my daughter if I were concerned – although I can’t say I would insist on a marriage proposal for her – kinda ewwww that (but maybe that is just me).

You said she accused you of being negative.  I agree with you that that was an attack.  Bravo again to your son – what an incredibly mature response.  Funny thing – your “negativity” (as she called it) seems to me to be a way of protecting your son.  How is that different from her negativity in attacking you (seems somewhat contradictory to me) and her desire to protect her daughter? 

Overall though, I am really, really impressed with your son; very, very wise for his age.  I hope that my daughters have that much wisdom at the same age.

Well done Lupita!

Much love,
Peace

[Lupita]

With sadness I am writing this post. I think that I screwed up my son’s relationship. He was very anxious. She was on the phone acting very strangely. He said what is wrong. As usual she did not answer. GFM just called me to tell me that she kept talking to GF al day today. I told her to stop bothering the kids, that we cannot live like 50 years ago. Now I think I precipitated the anxiety of GFM by encouraging my son to express his desire of not having children soon and to know his GF better before he commits to an engagement. I have the feeling that she is going to give him an ultimatum. GFM is such an N. I really dislike her. I am so sad that because my son included me, now, his relationship might end. And I am just assuming, because I also felt very mysterious tone in GFM call. She is mad because I enforced my boundaries on New Year’s eve. Now she will make us suffer.
That family is so full of drama, I feel so bad with them, GFM triggers me so much.


FP, thank you. Now I am going to post to find a girl friend. Do you have a girl 20 to 22? LOL, just kidding. Now I feel anxious too.

[lighter]

You know, Lupita...

I was wondering what his little display in that kitchen would cost him.... what kind of price would gf exact?

She's not so available anymore. 

You need to keep your head down and this is where you can defend her irrational behavior (just a tiny bit....) so he's free to express his frustration.  NOT ONE CRITICISM and I sure hope you can help it.  If anything.... let him know how proud you are that he's his own man, capable of making responsible decisions and back him up that way.

If your son and gf didn't know each other before.... they're fixing to get a pretty good look at each other.

[finding peace]

Dear Lupita,

I don’t know what to say entirely, except that from what you have written, I don’t see you as precipitating this problem at all – I see GFM as doing that all by herself. 

I believe that your son is wise enough to see that as well.

If their relationship takes a turn for the worse because of GFM, it may hurt him in the short run – but perhaps it is better that the GFM interfering nature comes out now rather than later (like after they are married).

I still cannot imagine ever insisting that a man my daughter is dating propose marriage to her.  Is that me?  I am wrong?  For her, I would want her future husband to know without a shadow of a doubt that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her (and the same for my daughter).  Maybe if they had been dating for 7 years – how long have they been dating?

Peace

[Lupita]

three months!!!!!!! This woman is crazy.

[Lupita]

I know that in the long run he will be happy if he knows that GFM is going to interfere the rest of her life in their relationship. But still, this is only his second girlfriend and although I am not totally responsible, I probably triggered GFM and she really si crazy. I mean, she has to have a personality disorder.
Like do you want coffee with cream, no thanks I am allergic to cream, OK here is your coffee with cream exactly like you asked me. And many other things that she does. I am getting very sick right now. My stomach ache is starting.

[finding peace]

three months



Well now, at least IMO, that is just plain scary.

I think you have a very good grasp on the situation with GFM Lupita. Whether or not you triggered her doesn't matter in my view - what matters it that she was capable of being triggered. 

Three months!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do think it would be smart to step back at this point and see how your son deals with the GFM ultimatum.  From what you have written of your son, I have a lot of confidence that he will be able to see the situation for what it is. 

Peace

[Lupita]

Lighter, do you think that My son or I did something wrong?
Do you think that he should have offer marriage immediately after three months of texting eachother every ten minutes like 12 years old?
I really think that GFM is only showing the tip of the iceberg. I am sorry for my son and that I had something to do with it if I did.
But, still, what do youthink he or I could have done different?

FP thank you. I agree with you. It is going to be good if now rather than fater amrriage. Because my son already told me he wanted to marry her but not now, until he finishes his acreer and is doing his master degree. I thought that was a good plan. He laso told GFM and GF in my presence taht he wante to spend the rest of his life with her. What else does this woman wants?

[Hopalong]

It doesn't matter what GFM wants imo, Lupita.
I think she's acting like a used-car salesman and your son is the customer.
Her daughter seems voiceless...you mentioned "mute". No wonder with such a Mom.
He's driven the car, kicked the tires, but hasn't decided what is best for himself.

Bottom line: it makes his GF an object to be traded, and your son a prize to be trapped or negotiated over.

Neither of them belongs to anyone.

I think the most important thing is to take yourself out of it.

I think there are real boundary issues going on all over the place.

I think the GFM should not be calling you to discuss your children. It's invasive
and disrespectful to them.

The kids are adults and should be allowed room to breathe. Both of them.

Yikers,
Hops

[alone48]

Just an aside thought, it seems like when I remove myself from a situation and try to let go of control it turns out more favorably. I know that is easier said than done, believe me, but if you can you might be surprised. It's like a game and everyone has a part, but maybe it would n't be as much fun if you weren't playing....I hope you get the spirit in which this was meant.