I think I'm beginning to see N's everywhere I look!! LOL!
Actually, I have had the extreme misfortune of running into a head-on collision with another N recently. For those of you who are not familiar with my posts, I am the adult child of a N-mom. Thanks to the information on a particular site (that I posted a thread about) and the help of the people on this board, I have made leaps and bounds of progress with my mother. We actually have a positive relationship (for the moment) and she is behaving in a somewhat normal way towards me – as normal as she gets, that is!
Anyway, the Lord works in mysterious ways and a few months ago He saw fit to bring two wonderful blessings into my life in the form of a single father and a six-year old little girl. As I got to know the two of them, the father (now my boyfriend) began telling me about his mother.
I got a sneaking suspicion that
everything he said was true about her. Why? Because his stories were almost identical to mine…and most of yours as well.
It only took me a few weeks to prove my hypothesis: his mother is a narcissist.
So, here I go again. I dug up all my material on NPD that I had collected over the months and we sat down one evening to go through it. I had highlighted all of the material that described my mother but didn’t show it to him. Instead I read off the criteria one by one as well as the 20 malignant traits and all of the examples of verbal abuse.
To my amazement, he nodded his head to almost every statement that I had previously highlighted! Although his mother is not as educated or eccentric as mine is, she is
definitely a narcissist!
Bless his heart! He is such a great guy and he ALWAYS there for her. She delights in annoying him and ordering him around. Her greatest reward is when she is able to pick a fight with him. The two of them share (or should I say share
d) a house together because she is a cancer patient and he wanted to be near her so he could help her out if she needed it.
She smokes in the house, which he despises, and cares nothing about the innocent little girl who is forced to breathe her dangerous second-hand smoke. She has also filled the house with so much junk that one cannot even walk through it without having to climb over something. Then she gripes at him for the house being messy. When she buys groceries she just sets them on the couch with the expectation that he will put them away for her.
The whole darn situation is disgusting!!
Recently, she dealt the fatal blow to their relationship. The house, that she was supposed to have put in
his name so that the state wouldn’t take it away when she is no longer able to care for herself-that day is fast approaching, BTW-is still in HER name and HER NAME ONLY!!! She decided not to sign it over to him for fear that he would take it from her and kick her out of it, so she claims. To me, it sounds like a classic case of projection. She kept the house in her name so that SHE could kick HIM out and that is exactly what she did!
So, there you have it: another N at work!
The two of them had taken out a loan to upgrade the house and he had been working his butt off to get the work done while she sat on her hiney and griped (I witnessed this). Since he met me he and his daughter much prefer my company so they spend most of their time at my house – who can blame them???
Of course, now she is blaming ME for the work not being done because I’m distracting him.
Woman, grow up and get a life! Take a LONG, HARD look in the mirror and you will see a demon staring back at you! The rest of the world already sees it!
FYI, he and his precious baby girl (BTW, the girl’s mother decided several years ago that she did not want to be a mother and left the child: N # 2?
) are moving in with me this week and I look forward to our new lives together.
I just hope I can help them through this difficult time and get them back on the path of normalcy. Wish me luck!
