I once CHOSE a narcissistic relationship without realizing it

[reallyME]

For those who were in or are in relationships with friends, co-workers, teachers, church pals, etc, that you would say you did NOT choose, this thread will be for us.  Others can post too, but realize that that the direction and intent I'm going with this, is for those UNINTENTIONAL relationships that you chose and that turned out to be Narcissistic or at least dysfunctional.

I am going to try and post as ME, the way I see things, on this individual thread, and leave the other threads to those who were raised by families of N's, had family members who were/are N's, etc.  The NON-CHOOSERS of N's that were born into it by no fault of their own.

So, please, let me know who here would be interested in posting here because you once chose someone that turned out to be an N, rather than having been brought up by them or born to them.

~Laura

[Leah]

Laura,

Someone has kindly already started a thread entitled "CHOSEN or UNCHOSEN .....

http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=6636.0

which seems to cover those who did NOT choose.

Leah

[changing]

Rm

You wrote."I am going to try and post as ME, the way I see things, on this individual thread, and leave the other threads to those who were raised by families of N's, had family members who were/are N's, etc.  The NON-CHOOSERS of N's that were born into it by no fault of their own."

Are you insinuating that there is some sort of "fault" on the part of those who unwittingly martry Ns, etc? I think finding fault in this sense is inappropriate and counterproductive. That is like a faith healer saying that a person is crippled because they lack faith- quite repugnant. I am sure that you mean something else, or I didn't understand your meaning.

In addition, I believe that I will exercise my free will choice in posting where I wish to, and not posting where I do not wish to, as long as I remain respectful to others.

Love,

changing

[reallyME]

Are you insinuating that there is some sort of "fault" on the part of those who unwittingly martry Ns, etc?

not at all.  NOBODY is at fault for marrying or being related to or friends with narcissists. NOBODY.  It's something that happened to us, by no fault of our own, whether family or otherwise.

I'm sorry it came across like there was BLAME on the part of the abused ones.  I am one who champions the plight of the voiceless (not to sound grandiose, but it's true).  I am the whistleblower, the pointer of the elephant in the living room, the one who takes the stand and then does God's and my darndest to help those victims become victors.  that's what I do.

~Laura

[changing]

Reallyme-

What you claim for yourself is admirable, and I commend you for it.. and it is what we ALL do here, every one of us, the reason that we are here. Of course, I am sure that you meant to say that as well- we are all whistleblowers and truthtellers here, none perfect and none superior.

Love,

Changing

[alone48]

Reallyme,

I understand what you are saying, though I don't think of it as a fault I consiously made a decision to be in that relationship as opposed to accidentally being born into it.  I still struggle with whether it was a choice, but logically I know there always was that option. N pursued me from the begining, one time I said "you must have thought I was really easy" his reply was "no, I really had to work hard for you". It's so easy to see the red flags after the fact, isn't it? I think as Ami has said in anothe post, you must have been from an N background to feel comfortable with this realtionship. That I know is true on my part, but N/bf brought a whole new meaning to N's for me. I would have called my family and ex, more self absorbed than N's, I don't believe they were malicious in their intentions.