Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

How to deal with a visit from an N

<< < (9/9)

Anonymous:

--- Quote ---So even though I feel I have taken control back for my life, it is only a fantasy that I cannot achieve. I can keep them from harassing us, but that's all. I cannot hear that I made any headway in completing my journey, because I am a nobody, I do not exist in my family anymore. I am dead to them. No one is allowed to speak of me.
--- End quote ---


Hi Ellie --

It sounds as though you thought that "completing your journey" meant getting your family to acknowledge that you were right to take a stand. I think most people on the board would agree that this is something Ns will never do.  I can't remember where I read what I thought was some very wise advice about confronting an N -- the advice was that you should not expect anything at all from the N -- no understanding, no acceptance of your feelings, no admission that your ideas have any validity at all -- because if you do, you will be disappointed. The only reason to do it is for your own reasons and satisfaction.

I am sorry that you have been cut off by your family, but it does not surprise me that they would not change.  I hope you are able to find satisfaction and completion in living your own life.

You are quite right that Violet may end up being rejected by her family if she and her husband stand up to them. However, from everything she has said, I think she would consider that a good outcome.

All the best,

Morgan

Lilitu:
Hi, Violet,

Just another voice chiming in: I also think you have every right to tell them they can't stay in your house.  At all.  And you don't have to explain yourself or argue.  Just, "I'm sorry, you can't stay here.  We can't put you up."  So they might stay in their car instead?  Fine!  That's their choice.  Their problem.  Not yours.  As the line from the song goes: "Closing time.  You don't have to go home but you can't stay here."

And yes, absolutely, close the door on them with their packages.  And if they start harassing you, banging on the door or whatnot, call the cops.  I'm serious.

I think what may have to happen here is that you may have to play "bad cop," since it sounds like your husband can't or won't stand up to them.  You can't make him do that, but you can stand up for yourself.  It's your house.  

And if your husband lets them in anyway?  You know what I'd do: take the kids and go to a motel myself until they decide to haul out of there.  

Since you say that their M.O. is to go on to the next source of N supply when one doesn't work out...well, hey!  They must have someone else they can bother.  Let them!

Good luck...

bluskye6986:
maybe don't open thedoor to let them in.  go on vacation anyything but be therre when they come.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[*] Previous page