Silently Witnessing abuse - how to you cope??

[lighter]

Bella:

It's hard to watch an unfair situation go badly.... and just keep getting worse.  Esp if you can see exactly where it's going and feel powerless to change it.... though the answers seem fairly simple: /

RM.... the system's already overloaded with people who physically abuse their children, abandon them, neglect them. 

They can't keep up with what they have.... how would they approach the family we're discussing here? 

They/the system, spend their time trying to figure out how to get children back into abusive households.... not how to get kids out of households that simply live under emotionally abusive rule.

If they can't see it or put a cast on it..... they can't do anything but blink at you...... they can't take children away or jail a parent for wanting to send their children to secondary education, not of their choice.

Children are out running the streets in gangs, getting murdered, taking risks and drugs.... worse..... how can the system go into a home and chastise a parent for requiring their child go to church and show respect for the parent's faith?

No matter how unfair or awful it really is?

What would you want them to do about that, if reported?

How much alienation and chaos do you think would be caused for the person who reported that abuse?

Do you think they'd still have a voice in the children's lives after that?

Probably not..... which is direct conflict of the children's best interest, IMO. 

[reallyME]

well, lighter, that's just the thing...there is no easy answer.  new laws will have to be made, stricter watch on abusers and abusive or suspicious households.  how? I don't know, but it has to happen.

[Lupita]

As far as I understand, the law only protect physical abuse. Not emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is not penalized. The law only portects against, hurting physically, not feeding, having a very dirty house, not taking them to school. But if the child has clothing, clean house, etc, child protective servicies, cant do anything.

[lighter]

RM.... pardon me for any perceived disprespect but.... your household has had the police out several or more times for domestic disputes.....

perhaps family or friends have called them a time or two?

What was accomplished?

Do you think that having the authorities involved in your parenting and family....  monitoring you..... would improve your life?

Do you think that you should be placed on that list of suspiciouse households to be watched?

What kind of tabs should be kept and what kind of intervention should be implemented?

[Bella_French]

Dear Lighter and Lupita,

Thankyou:) Yes I whole heartedly agree; child abuse can't be prevented by the law unless its physical, and perhaps only then in some cases. My (not very extensive) understanding is that when police become involved in domestic abuse, its rarely effectual?

Perhaps the sense of `burden' I feel, comes from knowing that domestic abuse as well as  child molestation and other abuse  is usually only witnessed by friends, family, sometimes outsiders. Noone else is in a position to say anything to the abuser.

In Oz, there was an ad campaign for a while, urging friends of child molesters (lol) to approach the abuser, rather than turn a blind eye. It focused on men talking to men about `their problem' in a nurturing way. It was interesting. I was vaguely involved, because they used the film school facilities I was running, and i met with the writer a few times.

I never did form a strong opinion about whether this was the right approach to suggest to the public. Some of the film teachers strongly disagreed, and some thought it was a good approach insofar as it didn't actually show abuse (as to shock the audience), but instead modelled male-to-male communication about the problem.

X bella

[lighter]

If we're talking about child sexual molestation..... I'm afraid I disagree that male to male gentle chats are going to have an impact.

Yogi must eat.....

and, what get's you off, get's you off.

When adults molest children...... they're aware of the boundaries they're crossing.

They cross them anyway and speaking to them with empathy about their problem isn't going to cut it, IMO.

Sorry if I'm crossing any boundaries or hurting anyone's feelings. 

I didn't mean to. 

Prison, and more extreme methods of dealing with predators, is called for, IMO. 

[Bella_French]

Yes that makes sense Lighter:)

X bella

[reallyME]

Lighter, no disrepect received from your inquiry.  Let me tell you something about me.  As bold as i am on the board, I'm that way in person too.  I am a law-abiding citizen, which means, although I homeschool in a state where nobody has to ever report that they are doing it, I have always registered with my superintendent.

If I do anything against the law, I will turn MYSELF in

the one time my spank became a punch with my eldest daughter, I stopped myself, ran into the bedroom, grabbed the phone and REPORTED MYSELF FOR CHILD ABUSE.

So, no, i'd have no issue with the government monitoring my home.  I have nothing to hide and I do not abuse my children.  Plus, perhaps they'd urge my husband to go get a proper evaluation.

I also have no shame about calling the police on my daughter and no. the neighbors have never reported us for any sort of abuse against each other.  They have, however, reported every time my dogs got loose, which racked up a hefty fine and a few court situations.

I hope that reassures you that I am totally FOR government intervention in ALL abuse cases.

~Laura

[lighter]

RM... thanks for your response.