Hi Ami,
Enmeshment is not a word I use or think about very often. But after reading this post today I decided to to some research on it, below is something that I found.
On a different and personal note:
My mind and heart has been quiet as of late -- I feel as though I just finished 6 months of heavy emotional processing. For months I was in an infantile state of intense emotion releasing and healing. So much heartache, anger, rage and pain came out of me. I cried deep sobs for months - lately I feel like a new person. I have been happy and peaceful again. Moderation has come into my life again and I feel joyful about my future --- ahhhh progess!
Lately I have been busy with some projects, finding new roommates, redecorating my place some, helping with a charity that I work with from time to time and just watching lots of movies and going for long walks in the park or on the beach. This weekend will be a social weekend of good food and good freinds and some fulfilling charity work - Life is full and I am so blessed.
I just finished some books. Today, I ordered several more -- Reading is my passion!
The only thing really plaguing me is that I am still smoking a few ciggs here and there and I am experiencing surface feelings of loneliness in my life.
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Enmeshment In Codependency
Enmeshment has come to be a popularly used term when speaking about co-dependence. Co-dependence is defined as, being psychologically influenced or controlled by, reliant upon, or needing another person to fulfill one's own needs or to complete oneself. Originally being co-dependent originated from the recovery movement in Alcoholic Anon. Co-dependents, in that sense were defined as those who were dependent upon or in relationship to or with someone addicted to alcohol or drugs.
Now, generally, people are defined as being co-dependent if they are in a situation where they are psychologically mutually reliant on someone else to meet needs for them that they "should" be able to meet for themselves.
"A co-dependent person is one who has let another person's behaviour affect him or her, ans who is obsessed with controlling that person's behaviour" (Melody Beattie, in her book, "Codependent No More".
What is enmeshment?
"We're enmeshed when we use an individual for our identity, sense of value, worth, well-being, safety, purpose, and security. Instead of two people present, we become one identity. More simply, enmeshment is present when our sense of wholeness comes from another person.
We hear enmeshment phrases everyday such as, "I'd die without you," "You're my everything," "Without you, I'm nothing," "I need you," or "You make me whole." Many of us find our identity and self-worth by becoming the mate, parent, or friend of a successful and/or prestigious individual, or we find the need to fix and caretake individuals to give us a sense of purpose.
Enmeshment doesn't allow for individuality, wholeness, personal empowerment, healthy relationships with ourselves or others, and, most importantly, a relationship with our Higher Power."
Lise
