One of those little, irritating N moments

[Lupita]

HI Seasons, it hurts, it hurts very much, but it hurts less, and I feel less weak. Just that. Just less weak, less afraid, I get mad more often instead of sad. That is a good signe. When you get mad you start protecting your self, instead of getting sad and hide.

Thank you for your words seasons.

God bless you.

[Lupita]

By the way Seasons, I also was told, "Oh come one Lupita, everybody has tried to help you" "stop whining and do something about it"

Many ugly things. I have been told what to do, I have been critiziced, my opinions have been scorned many times, I have been ignored many times, but, detachment, detahcment, detahcment, and little by litttle, stop suffering.

Little by little I am learning to leave the job at school and come home and feel fine with my self.

Forget about mean people on here, and just keep going, see the good on it, and feel good about my self. Not to need that somebody tell you that you are good. That is the best feeling.

I wish that for Sunblue. Very much.

[Lupita]

For example, one question that I have seen in interviewers is :

What do you need from us so you can do your best?

And for sure you have to tell that you do not need anything from anybody to do your best because you always do your best no matter what.

Or,

What would you bring into our company?

I will bring my energy, enthusiasm and my loyalty to the institution that would hire me.

If they ask you:

Do you consider your self a good listener?

I am working on that, not only to be a better listener but to be a listener with empathy and above all to be a better human being.

and of course they will ask you specific things about the business. Try to read about the company, about the bosses if they have a web site, talk about their hobies if they mention anything in their wesites, mention something that you might have in common with any of them.

Consult an expert in interviews. That helps a lot.

See if a friend can interview you so you can practice. Also practice in the mirror.

[seasons]

Lupita,

Your voice is very clear, beautiful, strong and most helpful.

Insert Quote
By the way Seasons, I also was told, "Oh come one Lupita, everybody has tried to help you" "stop whining and do something about it"

Many ugly things. I have been told what to do, I have been critiziced, my opinions have been scorned many times, I have been ignored many times, but, detachment, detahcment, detahcment, and little by litttle, stop suffering.

Little by little I am learning to leave the job at school and come home and feel fine with my self.

Forget about mean people on here, and just keep going, see the good on it, and feel good about my self. Not to need that somebody tell you that you are good. That is the best feeling.

I wish that for Sunblue. Very much. I wish that for her too, Lupita.

Posted on: February 04, 2008, 07:09:00 PMPosted by: Lupita 
Insert Quote
HI Seasons, it hurts, it hurts very much, but it hurts less, and I feel less weak. Just that. Just less weak, less afraid, I get mad more often instead of sad. That is a good signe. When you get mad you start protecting your self, instead of getting sad and hide.

Thank you for your words seasons.

God bless you.

         God Bless you (Lupita)

Posted by: Lupita 
Insert Quote
For example, one question that I have seen in interviewers is :

What do you need from us so you can do your best?

And for sure you have to tell that you do not need anything from anybody to do your best because you always do your best no matter what.

Or,

What would you bring into our company?

I will bring my energy, enthusiasm and my loyalty to the institution that would hire me.

If they ask you:

Do you consider your self a good listener?

I am working on that, not only to be a better listener but to be a listener with empathy and above all to be a better human being.

and of course they will ask you specific things about the business. Try to read about the company, about the bosses if they have a web site, talk about their hobies if they mention anything in their wesites, mention something that you might have in common with any of them.

Consult an expert in interviews. That helps a lot.

See if a friend can interview you so you can practice. Also practice in the mirror.

Lupita,
What great advice for sunblue and most insightful for me. Your journey of stregth is inspiring, keep on sharing.  ((seasons))

sunblue, how are you? Thinking of you, with thoughts of many new opportunities coming your way. seasons

[Lupita]

Hi seasons, how are you?  Thank you so much for the validation and for your kind words. You have no idea how much I needed something like that.

I hope that you are doing fine too. God bless you.

I see that Sunblue posted in another thread just a few hours ago. I wish her the best.

Love to you.

[Lupita]

By the way, Seasons, I had to interview so many times, that I almost became an expert in interviewing for principals in schools. I interviewed for about one hundred jobs to get one job. But God is good and we only need to open one door, no need for more than one door. And, I have a job. I have a job!!!!  And I will not leave my job unless I have another one in my other hand. I defended my job with all I could when somebody was trying to take it away from me. And thanks to God I kep my job, pay my rent, and have a modest but descent life.
Thank you for your kind words, seasons. God bless you.

[sunblue]

Hi all:

Thank you all for your kind thoughsts and concerns....You all offered a lot of good advice and I am trying to keep it in mind.  The weird thing is that even though intellectually I understand how my voicelessness and N family issues have affected my life, emotionally I just can't seem to change how I feel.

For example, regarding the job search, believe me when I tell you it has been a nightmare.  A true nightmare....But even when I get close to getting an offer (and believe me, intellectually I understand I NEED a job, any job), I just am overwhelmed with feelings of failure and loss and sadness.  Because I feel so empty inside, I can't muster up any interest or excitement or hope regarding any of these positions (even though I make sure this doesn't come through in the interviews).  I just feel like a total failure...I know part of that comes from my Nfamily upbringing...but it is what I struggle with.

Just as I feel I have never been and never will be good enough, I think the same way in terms of jobs.  Also, because of my severe and long-term depression, I think in terms of extremes...black and white....either/or.....I know this is not good but it is how my brain works...So it is hard....because while I know most people would be jumping up and down, going out to celebrate and feeling excited about any offers that might come their way, all I can feel is failure and like I'm a loser.  I think because my Nmom, Nsis and co-d dad only think in terms of how much money people make, how much fame and power they have, how big a house they have....I never fail to measure up, either to them or myself.  I see that it affects everything I do....

So right now, I feel my depression deepening..my hopelessness deepening....Even if I am offered a job soon, I can't help but think "So what?"...It won't matter...it won't be what I'm interested in...and it will make me feel like more of a failure.

And like I said, I KNOW this makes no sense, has no logic.  Any job is better than no job, so I'm told.  But inside, I jsut can't seem to get there...

So feeling empty, sad and wanting to just curl up on a couch and never wake up.....

Sorry...wish I could report something more hopeful...or better.  I wish I could change how I think....That's what I mean when I refer to the long-term and life-damaging effects of an N family.