Dear Kelly,
You are in a very hard situation b/c you have close connections with her. I still think that if you could "back her down "in some way, with quiet strength , she would be more managable.
It is "easy" to say.Before, I got my "voice" back, enough to back my M down, I had NO idea how to be strong with her. I would scream and yell. That was not strength, but weakness ,and she knew it.
When she saw true strength in me, she backed down, almost effortlessly, as my H did.
I had struggled for so long to have my own voice,with her,but to NO avail. Then, when I HAD a strength inside, it just happened.
I still have to back her down, but it is different b/c she listens and does back down.
I have to say that it is easier for me b/c she does not live and work with me BUT my guess is that if you were strong,in a quiet and dignified way(not screaming and losing it), she WOULD back down.
Compost what does not fit, Kelly. I hope that I was not insensitive to your situation, which is more difficult than mine. What I said was said in love, Kelly. Ami