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Anonymous:
Hi everyone,
Wow, I feel like I look so primitive with my above response- smashing things and all. I'm a hands on type of person and feel I had to do something to remedy the loss of family (I thought I had) even if it was symbolic.  It worked for me. I got tired of looking around at all the gifts and things that relatives had given me for years with bad motives, without real love that made me feel depressed. It was like a museum of all the bait  I fell for.

This purging of the house made me feel like I was somehow in control and it was satisfying. I didn't think of hurting people when I destroyed objects. I thought of what feeling the object represented and how the screwed up relationship made me feel so much like dirt under their toenails. I was smashing what they did to me as a child and what I allowed them to do to me as an adult. I was validating myself and putting into a  tangible, demonstrated act how my life was wrecked in the past by their bullying and how I was moving on to a fresh life without them. I don't believe in hate or vengence. This process took a few years. I never will get satisfaction  from their understanding how they made me feel, so I made up my own ritual to get satisfaction. It is like I did something about a situation that can really never be fixed.

I do express my emotional states cerebrally to others. I have also analysed what triggers me and try to prepare myself for an upcoming trigger. It helps. My husband and I share our trigger points with each other and we are learning to see each others point of view. But it wasn't that way when we were first married! Phew! Guess being married 27 years has its advantages. I hear men get more emotional as they grow older and women get tired of it all, been there, done that. My husband is exploring his emotions now at 53 and I must say that it was worth the wait.

For examples of what I smashed, threw away, burned and gave away, I'm posting a new topic because I'd like to know what other people's Ns give them.

flower:
>>>>edited<<<<

Anonymous:
flower,

There's nothing wrong with some primitive smashing if it's okay with others in the house and doesn't frighten them.

bunny

mighty mouse:
Flower,

I too purged the house and took stuff to Goodwill. Nothing wrong with smashing a few things...it's cathartic.

MM

flower:
Thanks bunny and Mighty Mouse for your comments.

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Thanks so much for your insight and support.
 It aided my healing. Too much of my heart
was in this post to let it remain here for posterity on the web.
The post served its purpose and now it is time to
edit it or gently take it down.
 
To every thing there is a season, and a time
to every purpose under the heaven:  Ecclesiates 3:1

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