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stealing money from Mom's purse

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mighty mouse:
I just can't get this incident out of my head.

When I was in first grade, we had to get $2.00 from our parents for a school project. And I remember not wanting to ask my Mom for it. So I stole the $2.00 from her purse. Of course she found out it was missing and to this day I've never "fessed up".

Of course it's not right to steal. But it strikes me that even as young as 5-6 years old, I didn't feel like I could ask for this money for the school thing. I guess I did pennance since I gave all of my baby-sitting money to the missionaries when I got older. And I bought my own school clothes when I got into high school after pledging so much to missionary.

Has anyone else felt such a fear of asking for something. I couldn't even say that I wanted anything for holidays and birthdays. Of course I got stuff, but I never said that I wanted anything. I feel like the voicelessness started very, very early. Could I have felt at such a young age that I wasn't entitled to ask for even simple things?

MM

Anonymous:
Yes, Mighty Mouse!

This is one of my BIGGEST issues!  I was not allowed to ask for anything!  If I did, I always got the rage, or "you are so spoiled".  To this day, I have trouble asking for gifts, help, or even spending money on myself.  I am very undeserving.  I shouldn't need anything.  Other people have bigger, more important needs.  Other people's needs are more worthy of attention.  If I need something, it takes something away from others and I am selfish.  If I need, someone will be angry or disappointed or jealous.  They will NOT be concerned, or caring, or generous or understanding.

I can completely relate to not wanting to ask.  What a dilemma for a small child: wanting to please Teacher and not wanting to incur a parent's rage.  I would let yourself off the hook for this one.  Your instincts handled it pretty well.  Your mother conditioned you to turn to the last resort tactic for getting your needs met: be sneaky and steal it from her.  It reminds me of Jack and the Beanstalk, where Jack had to steal from the Giant!  

Thank you for sharing this story, MM!  Hugs, Seeker

Anonymous:
Mighty Mouse,


--- Quote ---Has anyone else felt such a fear of asking for something.
--- End quote ---


 Yeah, what  I posted under "gifts Ns give" about my muteness in the face of a huge bait and switch with promised property and how I didn't ask questions before getting into the mess is the end result of my training to not ask for things. Any request for answers about my mother's and father's actions or plans were met with rage throughout my life. Something as simple as a  request for a ride to the library when I had a broken car was scandalous. I can see how you would be afraid to tell your mom about the money, from my perspective.

flower

ellen:
I did the same thing too. I was in 1st grade and fell in love with a book at school called "chicken soup and rice". My mom was there after school for some reason and I asked the teacher if I could have the book. She said no, it was for the class library. My mom just stared at me and said nothing. I don't know what came over me, but when they weren't looking, I stole the book. I remember the sense of total shame, and looking back, it is also tied up in voicelessness. I knew instinctually that I didn't have an ally in my mom and she would never buy me the book. Its almost like I took it out of a weird sense of self-protectiveness, like a blanket. I was so ashamed about stealing, I never read it, though. But if I were you I'd go easy on yourself for this one.

Anonymous:
Dear Mighty Mouse and all,

Ellen wrote:
--- Quote ---My mom just stared at me and said nothing
--- End quote ---


To answer your question, MM, yes, I think we kids can definitely pick up the cues very early on that would silence us.  It doesn't even have to be anything our parents said.  It can be a look, a roll of the eyes, a scowl, a turned back, silent treatment, being ignored, selective deafness, a shove, blindness to a sibling's shove or shout, an attitude.   :(

Many Eastern European orphans died before age two because they were not held or touched.  The ones that live learn that they have to scream their heads off continously in order to receive any attention and then hang on for dear life.  Those are early, permanent lessons.  

By contrast and with hope, a child can also learn from a parents loving gaze, hugs, smiles, etc.  My children are in middle school and we still hug.  I never refuse a request for a hug.   :)  Hugs to all of you, Seeker

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