Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

stealing money from Mom's purse

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nassim:
Hi Everyone,

I mentioned on a previous post that I had been in trouble with the law. Now this has been many years ago, but I feel like it's similar to MM's situation but on a bigger scale.

I was working at a small company as a manager. As such I had to oversee the whole operation from hiring to bookeeping (not a strong suit of mine) and really everything. I wasn't being paid enough to do all these things and was working late hours. On top of that the owner of the business would bring his friends into the shop at night and party. There would be trash, wine bottles, cigar and cigarette butts and terrible smells for me to clean up. He also promised some customers of ours a free first class airline ticket to the UK for their business (something we couldn't afford). So I was left as to how to figure out how to accomplish this.

Long story short, I ended up feeling abused and boundry busted. I then decided I needed a raise and took one for myself under the table. And of course I got caught 'cause I'm not a professional.

I know I deserved a raise but couldn't bring myself to ask for one. I knew I was wrong and had started looking into ways to pay this back before I got caught. And I also knew there was something wrong with me. I'm thinking maybe I did this on purpose to get caught. Anyway, I did go into treatment, paid back the money and didn't have to do any jail time. And it was the best thing that ever happened to me as odd as that might sound. I had to figure out why I did this and humble myself to the humiliating experience of going to a probation officer.

I thought after his experience that I had it all figured out for myself. But a few years down the line, I realized there was a piece still missing. This piece was figuring out that I had been raised in a N household. Thank goodness for the internet. My gosh. This whole mysterious world of N has opened and shined a light on my inner hell. It's been a real process to get to the bottom of this and reprogram my brain.

It's so nice that the fog is finally lifted! I have reconciled myself with this episode of embezzlement. And life is good again. I wish any of the therapists back then would have had a clue about the Ns of the world. And now I realize that I shouldn't have stayed in this shop, I should have gotten out sooner.

Nassim

Anonymous:
Nassim,

It was brave of you to be so open about your experience. I think we are likely to steal when we feel something was stolen from us.

bunny

nassim:
Bunny,

Thanks for the validation. I know I'm a good person but now I have a record. But I'm still better off (than being in my own prison). Sometimes things have to reach rock bottom before they can surface. And I guess this incident was my wake up call.

Nassim

Ellie:
I changed my school grade cards before Nparents could see them.

Lucky for me, it was way before the practice today of mailing the cards home. We were given them to take home to parents to sign. Nparents demanded nothing less than a B and even then we were reprimanded for Bs. Only As were good enough, then Ndad said we should have done extra credit to get A+. This from a person who couldn't get past 6th grade! I guess it falls into the category of using us to project his weakness onto for his absolute stupidity. Sorry, feeling very mad tonight.

So as classes got harder and I had not been diagnosed with the learning disorder I had (my daughter is ADHD and through her therapy I discovered I could not and still can not comprehend what I read very well.) Without good reading comprehension, one cannot do well on tests in Science, History, Lit., etc.

Punishment for lower than a B was spanking - big fat beating actually! Then we had to start bringing all books home every night and study each low subject for an hour each after all homework was complete. Carrying heavy books was hard when you are just a little kid. No bus, Nparents refused to drive us. Then Nparents went to the school and blasted the teacher in front of me for daring to give their daughter such a terrible grade - pure embarrassment!

So I decided I would only take that for a year. The next year I got a C I changed the grade card to an A. Got really good at it. Thank goodness I never got caught.

But to me it was so dangerous to bring home a bad grade that I saw it as survival.

Since I paid my own way to college, I would not reveal those grades to them. They tried to get the college to send my grades to them but were turned down - privacy. Something they cannot comprehend. They still will not congratulate me for graduating college.

October:

--- Quote from: mighty mouse ---

When I was in first grade, we had to get $2.00 from our parents for a school project. And I remember not wanting to ask my Mom for it. So I stole the $2.00 from her purse. Of course she found out it was missing and to this day I've never "fessed up".

MM
--- End quote ---



When my older brother was about 10 or so he and some friends went through a spate of shoplifting sweets from our sweetshop.  They had the sweets behind the counter then, and kids could go back and choose what they wanted - it was dead easy.  Eventually he got caught, and the shopkeeper called the police and there was a lot of fuss about it.

And I copied this, only I started by taking money if I found it lying around the house, and later took money at school as well.  Never much - just pennies really.  I spent it on sweets, and to this day can't feel any guilt about it.  It was there, and I wanted it, so I took it.  This lasted maybe a month or so, while I was 8.  I never got found out.  A friend of mine did it with me, and she is to this day racked with guilt, but I am not.   :oops:

To be honest, I think that I wanted to get caught, and when I didn't, I stopped doing it.  I think it was a cry for attention, but it didn't work, because I remained invisible.  It worked for my brother, but not for me, except it didn't do him any good.  

Now I am the opposite.  When I worked I would never take anything from work, not even so much as a stamp, without paying for it.  

So if I ever hear of children stealing, I always think that it is not the same as adults stealing.  They genuinely do not understand ownership in the same way, and it is part of learning about the world.  I do not think it is at all a serious trait in a child.  Well, I hope not.   :D

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