Ever Good Enough?? A Must See!!

[Certain Hope]

Hi, Amber   
 

Hi, Lise 


You're welcome!  I'm aslo anxious to read the book when it comes out.. and monitor the website for developments. Great to know that there's more info available on this topic nowadays!


Oh, Kelly... I do understand. My bro is a master of smoke, mirrors, and bluster... and considers himself quite the entrepeneur, as well as a "star" (he sings).  I actually worked for his company for a number of years, which worked out to be mutually beneficial... although for the first few years, I know for a fact he was profiting off my ignorance in a shameful way. While I made a pittance, my work was making him rich.  I've not posted about him much in ages, because I don't want to re-stir any animosity within my own heart, but he is quite a character. We haven't spoken in years and I doubt whether he minds that a bit.
Not long ago, I heard from my dad (interesting that my mother never mentioned it) that bro had bought mother a mink coat.
That's an amazing thing, coming from such a cheapskate... and I don't even like the thoughts that went through my mind about that the tiniest bit... so I know that I am MUCH better off to be ignorant of his latest activities.
I don't even want to know.

Love,
Carolyn

[Overcomer]

Carolyn-I work with my mom and it is a constant source of frustration.  I bet you are relieved to be rid of the day in and day out frustration.  Each day I think-more like obsess-about what a phoney she is and how much it enrages me.

[Certain Hope]

Kelly,

This may seem really dumb, but please bear with me... and keep your answer to one word, okay? 

Yes

or

No


Do you have to work with your mom?  I mean, is it an absolute necessity at this time?

Remember, just one word - yes or no.

[Overcomer]

Yes

[Overcomer]

But only for as long as I need the flexibility with my D.

[Ami]

Just a thought. I am not saying that it is NOT worse ,or harder to "work" with an N mother. However,I left home , went to college, never came back and I STILL was being poisoned ,every day of my life,by my M(my thoughts of her)
  At the end,I had "given in" and was going down. I couldn't fight it anymore.
  I was thousands of miles away, at that time.
  The NM is in your head, your breath, your body. You have to exorcise it and ,finally,  I am, with Ann's help. Ann prayed for me to "walk away" from my M .
 I am just saying this so Kelly might not feel so desperate. Compost,as needed.         Love, Ami

[Certain Hope]

Good Morning, Kelly

Thanks!
Cool, the answer is "Yes". See, I hoped that hearing and seeing yourself reply with a one word response would help you to focus.
That's how I break my own thinking out of obsessive ruts, when I get stuck. This method clears away all the side issues and boils everything down to plain fact.

See, your mother wasn't anywhere in that question...
and she wasn't in the response.
You can ask yourself all sorts of questions and consciously remove her from each individual little picture... clean her out of your thinking.
If she's out of the questions, then how will she get into the answers?
She can't. Don't let her.

Hope that helps.

Love,
Carolyn

[Overcomer]

I appreciate your insight, Carolyn.  For me to say YES because I need flexibility and never even mention my mom is growth.  There has been so much enmeshment that I just cannot see the forest through the trees.

My goal is to get out of there but not if I hurt myself and my daughter.  The old cut off your nose to spite your face syndrome.

Yes, the lady drives me crazy but the problem is I allow it.  We were talking to a man today and it was quite fun to have an intelligent conversation with a man who used to be in our industry......then mom started in on one of her canned speeches....I just thought to myself.....no wonder my daughter is autistic.....I see her having to rehearse things in order to sound intelligent - she got it from my nmom...

[Certain Hope]

Oh, you're welcome, Kelly. I agree with you about your growth in this... and I believe you can practice and practice and practice such one-word responses (or similar) and weed out all that other stuff related to you-know-who.

Flexibility to be with your daughter and maximize your time with her is a huge asset... worth alot, right?  If the answer is "yes", then you just gotta practice eliminating all the buts (I know, it's very hard).  I have cut off my nose to spite my face all of my life. That's why I'm poor    But I don't mind. You get used to it... lol.
No, actually, I just absolutely couldn't stand it... not with my brother and not with my mother. I'd rather do without (financially) than to play their games.

Anyhow, my next question is:  technically, and practically speaking, the way your organization is run there,
is your mom the "boss"?  I mean, does she create your job description and direct your activities?

[Overcomer]

No.  She used to give me things to do and always ask me if I did this or that-pg have not allowed that for years.  I pretty much do what I want-she stays out of my way because I have blown up way too many times for her comfort.  I figured out I am just so unstable-My refill on progesterone was expired and I was almost a week late-my nerves were frazzled and I was irritable.  I have going through menopause.

[Certain Hope]

Yeah, for almost a year now, I've been experiencing enough of that hormonal shifting to know it's not much fun (((((((Kelly)))))). Never had much pms trouble, but at just a couple years shy of 50, I guess this is my season for the rollercoaster 

Okay, so that's a "No".  Your mom is not your boss. Yay!!  Another big plus.

So you are your OWN boss, thoroughly knowledgeable about the business and able to regulate your own schedule and work load?

[Overcomer]

Yes and 48 Years old

[Certain Hope]

You're 48, also, Kelly? I will be, in a month.

Tough season, it is... and in many ways, feels alot like age 13 again... lol.

You know, Kelly, seems to me that you've shown that you're able to think in terms of yourself as a self-directed individual...

so maybe if you allow yourself to obsess about your mother for a maximum of 15 minutes per day, and just get it out of the way first thing in the morning, before work, then you'll be able to go through the day without tallying up all the idiotic stuff she does (cuz you know that you'll get a good night's sleep before it's time to obsess again... lol).  What do you think?