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N parents create children naive about close relationships?

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Portia guest:
Ha ha! Brosnen! Piers Brosnen, not some weird actor cross with Charles Bronsen. Mad scientist cowboy.  :roll:

Cj:
I've never felt worse, or wanted to live less. Thanks for your reply. I haven't seen paris texas. Actually I have :S, probably only because Natassia Kinski was in it lol. I never quite got it, well I would havem, but I just got distracted by my thoughts, or non thoughts (not about natassia kinski I might add) :). In fact I'll be lucky if I even bothered watching it all the way through, such was, and sometimes is my lack of enthusiasm for anything. That said I recal your little adage about a flower growing from very little. I don't feel like watching anything much those days though.
I really wish I had the net. Actually I'm going to type out some of these threads, but its so hard keeping up with everything thats going on here. Ha, I NEED to read everything, when in fact I read, and keep up with so very little. Perfectionist again. I was thinking about how I've never really seen my mother as a seperate person, open to my judgement, and how strange that seems, and also how I never really gave much thought to my dad being absent from my life all these years, like it didn't matter, and I didn't matter. I am amazed quite simply how little I've always thought of myself, like I was nothing, my thoughts/feelings didn't matter one jot, and where that comes from. Oh, so many thoughts. Sorry, I'm not expecting answers just venting. :S And I'm so goddam tired, and don't even feel I have the energy to do all this work.

Cj:
*On the original topic*

I dunno. I can probably recal my mothers advice on relationships in a few lines.

'You'll find someone one day' (in my early twenties)

(in reply to asking her what the pill was) *cue unneasiness at imagined terrors to come as I got older* 'Not something you need to worry about' (ok, thats s*x really, huh?)

I could never talk to her about s*x either, she was rather prudish. I don't know. Didn't feel confident s*xually herself no doubt, and took the moral high ground to try to cover up this sense of inadequecy. The scarey thing is, despite thinking I was always open minded, I myself seem to be developing this prudishness myself:S.  Whether its just because I'm not confident s*xually myself or whether  its just I'm just quite prudish anyway, and turned off by sexually flamboyant women, I have no f****** idea. Maybe I find them intimidating. I always recal a feeling when I was younger that if I did end up in a  situation with a girl, I would somehow end up hurting them by having s*x with them. The idea of women enjoying s*x and wanting it as much as men, was a weird one for me, so yes I grew upo very niave about that, or had wrong ideas. It never really crossed my mind for a second that I might be able to give someone pleasure. Er...anyway, I've rambled, but needed to get this out.

No, I don't recal any advice about relationships really:S. Then again, did I ask, no. But then, I'm blaming myself then. I recal her dislike (cough) of my father, and her sucessful relationships were far and few between. Shes not had many sucessful ones really, or many.

In fact, a lot of the time, she ended up going for men who were married, as I recal, and who she couldn't have.



--- Quote from: flower ---Hi everyone,

When I write of my past, I should be more careful to say, "In retrospect" this or that I learned; for my foibles I write of were only realized in a painful, slow learning process. I wished this board existed years ago.

My mother didn't talk to me about life and relationships as I grew up. I feel like she intentionally didn't explain manipulation because she was busy doing it to me. I remember asking relationship advice of my mom as a teen and she had some stupid glib answers that solved nothing.

I had to learn things the hard way. I was not naive when it came to people outside my family. I could work, go to school, be involved in clubs, interests etc.. Although I was shy, I knew the ropes. It was when I tried to develop close relationships that my stunted development showed.

Any good links that discuss this area? I haven't been reading about N stuff very long so maybe this is common and has been covered already. I need perspective in this area. It is painful to admit my foibles and I blush sometimes at my own posts.  

flower
--- End quote ---

cJ:
Incidentally I wasn't being ironic with the censoring of the S word LOL! Damn public libraries software. Censor mad....

Portia:
Hiya Cj. I’m real tired today. All that emotion, shock, horror. Is shock an emotion? I don’t know, don’t care today. I learned something and that’s good.

'You'll find someone one day' (I’m not interested/I don’t want you to/I hope you don’t). Me? ‘Someday a man will hold your hand and..’ (= knight on white charger myth, designed again to keep me with her, create an unrealistic fantasy never to be achieved).

The Pill. “You must talk about contraception/safe sex before you have sex, it’ll probably be embarrassing.” She could have said something like that. But no, you’ll never have the need if she has her way.

Hurting them by having sex: this has to be from momma huh? Maybe you overheard things as a baby/kiddie which sounded like hurting. Pretty widespread idea I would imagine. That’s why kiddies need to be shielded from adult sex, it can be scary.
Have you had any close relationships Cj? Want to talk about it? Want any embarrassing questions answered (or has CG answered them all by now :D  :shock:  :D ). Ha ha ha oh dear public libraries. I did that too, trying to browse by the hour at the library here. Not funny. Sorry. Have you got a college/uni nearby? You might get better access there: maybe you could enrol for library membership there…the atmosphere and facilities tend to be better. Public libraries are great but not for typing SEX! Try ‘fornication’ instead lol! P

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