Lastoworditis

[Lupita]

By Sieg Pedde


Imagine the following conversation:

"This can't go on. Something has to be done about it."

"I agree. I'll see what I can do."

"This has gone on far too long."

"OK. I'll get right on it." (exasperation begins)

"It's always been like this and..."

"OK. OK. I said I'll deal with it." (anger kicks in)

"You never listen to me. No matter what I say, you always get angry."

Guess what happens next? An argument is well underway.

The dialogue above is imaginary. It never happened. I made it up. But numerous other, similar conversations, if that is what they can be called, regularly take place in our lives. What happens as tensions escalate, is what I call lastworditis, a pathological compulsion to carry on about something long after it is prudent to do so. Why do people do that?

If we analyze the above hypothetical exchange, I think you will agree that all that was necessary is the original comment and the response to it. One person expressed a perceived problem, even if not in the most neutral fashion, and the other person responded with a promise to do something about it. That was enough. The rest of the expressions from the first person were taunts. They added nothing to the conversation and were uttered for no other reason than to stir things up. When someone responds to a taunt with impatience or even anger, why is this a surprise to anyone?

Lastworditis appears to me to be a form of frustration transference. Someone is unhappy, is unhappy about being unhappy, then decides that someone else or even everyone else should be unhappy as well. What is that all about?

Consider the use of 'always' and 'never' in the last line of the conversation above. Telling someone that they never do anything positive and always do something negative is a surefire way to raise his or her blood pressure.

I'm a geezer. I admit it. One thing about being a geezer is that, by definition, I have been around a long time. I have seen it all. One would think that by now I would be used to every manner of irrational action, every form of insult, every ploy. But I'm not. I am still amazed that so many of us act in ways guaranteed to be counter-productive and hurtful. Are we all nuts?

[Lupita]

Through closing, weary eyes, do you always type in a goodbye on a chat window? For the 50th time!
Do you say take care as many times?
Do you send in a stupid smiley, which may or may not fit the occasion, but send it you must?
Do you diligently download the latest version of every chat applet?
And then test it out with your friends, leave them offlines, or chat with them long after they appear idle?
Do you curse yourself for all the times, that the following message appears on MSN 'soandso is now offline and cannot receive any of your messages'?
Do you think that people who do not type 'bbye' and 'goodnight' at least 3 times are rude beyond redemption?
Do you leave comments on your own blog, in reply to other comments?

Then you, my friend, have lastworditis! You cannot help your fingers flying off the keyboard when you chat. Your name must appear at the end. And if someone make the mistake of typing a goodbye after you do, then you must type it again. And then the poor person at the other end will type in another adieu, so that it may not seem rude. The gall of the person! Now you have to type it again. Until sense dawns on one of the two, and the following message blinks 'ok, final goodbye!'

Then all is calm. White flags drawn. Until the next conversation.

The same though, is not true of a face-to-face. There a goodbye is said once.

Unless you are boarding a train, or catching a flight. Or generally leaving for any place. Even if it be 60 kms away. Then the goodbyes are tediously drawn out to fill an entire 15 mins. Interspersed with hugs. How dull, you might think? But somehow the two parties involved, more often than not, say it with equal zest. Each time. Just thinking of it tires me out! 'Cos I'm cursed with the same. It is a disorder. Extremely mind-numbing at that.

Goodbye for now!

Oh, and goodbye again!

posted by Sylvania Laxman

[Leah]

Dear  (((( Lupita ))))  lovely to see you

I believe that;

Hypercompetitiveness and Lastworditis ........ walk hand in hand.

Leah x

[Lupita]

Hi Leah, have been busy, very very busy.

Just trying to relax, was looking for something interesting to post. Have not post since one week ago. I thought this was interesting.



Lastworditis n. = crippling affliction wherein the poster digs themself ever deeper into the mire in the false hope that they will find the legendary me-right-you-wrong Eldorado, thereby requiring that the opposing poster renounce all previous convictions and hand over their tiara. Afflicts the majority of poster at some point. Only known prevention is constant transcendental meditation and duct taping the fingers together

[Leah]

Hi Lupita,

Glad to know that you have been relaxing.

Both these articles are definitely interesting and so timely too, as when out and about this afternoon, this thought came to my mind.

I love the apt explanation that you have just posted also.

Thought about you earlier on, as I was listening to your favorite music, that you guided me to, on the 'books, movies, music' thread.

Grateful thanks.

Leah x

[Lupita]

This are posts that I copied from another forum. Interesting how they fight.
So, please, do not think that I am thinking those things, lol, my English is not that good. Just examples of ridiculous behavior that many times anybody could have. LOL   





I won't bother replying to most of what you said since it would be just a waste of time. Most everything in your 'arguments' can be boiled down into the quoted paragraph above. (I'll especially ignore your silly straw man arguments. Please, your forced sex argument was typical of the rest of your logic.)

You won't respond to what I said because your whole pseudo-argument is built around snooping pointlessly being an important part of your day. And reading the rest of your post makes it clear to any reader that there wasn't any straw man argument to be found in what I said in the paragraph you quoted. (And yeah, you were arguing that forcing people to do things was a substitute for choosing to do them. That's silly.)

Q u o t e:
You said time and again that people wouldn't try little known or unusual specs. That is what insecurity is called. Insecurity should not be supported in any way. Come out of the egg shell you live in. If you can't live with criticisms within a GAME your life must be very sad.

You act like everyone owes you some explanation for what they're doing. Those of us that support a privacy option here have demonstrated that we're not insecure by doing exactly what you accuse of not doing, namely, defending our position. It's not an issue of insecurity, it's an issue of being efficient and avoiding an unnecessary hassle. Seems to make sense since you never provided any reason whatsoever to invite such a hassle. If you weren't so insecure, you'd have provided some better line of reasoning than pretending to believe one needed psychological help if they didn't share your ridiculous notions of a healthy community.

Q u o t e:
Seriously, how many weeks are you going to keep these limp anti-Armory arguments going? Every day I look in the forums I see these loooong posts by Boondoggle arguing for "privacy" for his/her pretend character's gear and stats.

Seriously, I never made an anti-Armory argument, nor said anything regarding privacy for gear and stats. Nonetheless, I'll keep up what I've been doing just as many weeks as you keep misrepresenting my position and making your looooong, limp anti-privacy 'arguments'...or until my subscription runs out, whichever comes first. My posts aren't any longer than those of the people I'm responding to.

Q u o t e:
Do you ever take breaks, or has this become a full-time job?

It's no more a full time job for me than it is for the people writing equally long posts that I respond to. I'm here during the time I'd normally have been spending in game. I've had 100 posts in the last 5 days, most of them a single line long. You must be a pretty lazy employee if you think that constitutes a full time job.

[Lupita]

HI Leahs, as usual, thank you for your nice words.
I had a good week in general, and a bad Friday, lots of misbehavior at school, back talking, etc. But Saturday was very relxaed. I needed to relax.

Thank you for listening the music that I so much love.

I have many more things that I will post tomorrow.

[Lupita]

I was thinking about lastworditis because a lady in one of the many clubs I belong, is having it, and she is fighting a battel that is useless. We have a walking club, since I like very much physical activities, and she is fighting with the county because they prohibited bottles of water on one of the trails that we usually walk on. They said that plastic bottle are contaminating the environment and killing wild life.

I will just not walk long distance in which I need to carry my own water, instead of faighting a county regulation. Or a park administration.

Dont really care.

But she is all excited. Personally, I have too much to do to get engaged in those kind of battles. I pick my battles. And after wrok, I eed to rest.

Anyway, just wanted to post something about lastworditis. It seems, that is damaging many internet forums.

Sutubborness is something we need to control in our selves.

LOL!!!!!!!!

[Lupita]

OK, HOPE that you find this interesting. I am going to sleep. Have a lot to do tomorrow.

Again, Leah thank you for your kind words.

Everybody have a nice night.

God bless you all!!!!!!

[Confounded]

Lastworditis appears to me to be a form of frustration transference. Someone is unhappy, is unhappy about being unhappy, then decides that someone else or even everyone else should be unhappy as well. What is that all about?

I can relate to this syndrome, Lastworditis, within the context of a relationship with an N'ish type. 

I used to argue endlessly, thinking that if I said things clearly enough, explained again, made myself perfectly clear, underscored the obvious, or possibly if a miracle occurred...  The N'ish one would see that he was wrong, and he would say those magic words that he hates soooo much when I say them, "I stand corrected.  I had no idea that...  Thanks for the info."  But that was not to be...

After months turned into years, my frustration grew, it pained me.  Depression set in.  The rollercoaster ride was too much for me.  I still thought that logic could prevail.  I began to request promises, assurances, guarantees, words, something...  Anything to make me feel comfortable that I would never again have to face the lastest version of N'ish behavior that had befallen me.  But that was not to be...

Lastworditis got me nothing.  Now, the N'ish one is welcome to the last word, and the first one as well, and any words in the middle that he cares to spew out.  They are meaningless in many cases.  He may be baiting me, acting the *ssh*le to make me react, so that he can critisize me for my reaction.  That is not to be...  My silence is my last word now.

[Lupita]

Dear Confounded, you have no idea how much I can relate to your post. The problem is that when you are suffering that as a child, you become helpless, and grow up no setting any boundaries.
I am so happy for you that you do not suffer any more for that. It is so nice that you let the other win, or let him think that he wins, because the winner in a power game, is the one who does not engage in it. So I personally think that your attitud is admirable.
Because lastworditid is just about control and power. We know that.

Another deficition I found.

LASTWORDITIS - the pathological need to have the last word in any conversation, debate, greeting, meeting, social gathering, playful sparring, flirting, etc...

[Leah]

Dear  (((( Confounded )))) 

I so believe that;

Hypercompetitiveness and Lastworditis ...... walk hand in hand.

Your strength and courage, to know, and let go, is truly admirable indeed.

Leah x

[Leah]

LASTWORDITIS - the pathological need to have the last word in any conversation, debate, greeting, meeting, social gathering, playful sparring, flirting, etc...


Dear (((( Lupita ))))

Most astute thread.

That's amazing, that you have found such an apt definition as in Pathological.

Grateful thanks, as that affirms my recent thoughts and view, with regard to "Hypercompetitiveness"

Also, you have validated my belief and practice;  to let the other person win, or rather, let the person think that they win.  Hand the game back. 

I agree, that "Lastworditis" (along with "Hypercompetitiveness" ) is simply all about control and power.   

The Game is set out at the table -- but we have a choice; to remain, or walk away, from the table, and disengage from the bait.

Hope your day goes well in all you do.

Thanks again.

Love, Leah

[Lupita]

Thank you Leah, your idea could not be better, it is just perfect.

I found this article.

According to Horney (1937), hypercompetitiveness is the need by people to be successful at all costs and the willingness to exploit and manipulate those individuals who are seen as obstacles to the attainment of their goals. In her view, such an exaggerated competitive attitude is an "unfailing center of neurosis" and has a detrimental impact on the individual's development and personality functioning. Hypercompetitive attitudes have been associated with neuroticism, and with other psychological difficulties such as mistrust, Machiavellianism, dogmatism, narcissism, low self-esteem, and low optimal psychological health (Ryckman et al., 1990; Ryckman et al., 1994). It should be noted that at least some of these same pathologies also have been reported among disordered eating patients (Mintz & Betz, 1988

[Lupita]

Competition Freaks
Marianne Szegedy-Maszak - LATimes


 
THE NEED TO WIN: You know them, those people who just have to win. Now scientists are finding out what's behind the drive - motivation, control, evolution - and are trying to help. (Edel Rodriguez / LATimes)
"Winning isn't everything," Vince Lombardi famously said. "It's the only thing."

For a particular group of competitors, Lombardi's one-liner is less a wry comment on cutthroat athletic competition than a simple fact of life. In boardrooms and bedrooms, in playing fields and universities, the hyper-competitive person appears — transforming even the most trivial transaction into a ruthless face-off with a winner and a loser.

We know it when we see it. The squash champion father who introduces his 12-year-old son to the game by beating him 15 to 0, three games in a row. The ruthless queen bee who dominates her social group with cattiness and designer everything. The out-of-control soccer mom berating the referee from the sidelines; the husband banned from playing family board games because he ruins the game when he wins — and ruins the entire evening when he loses.

Today, a broad array of recent psychological research has led some researchers to conclude that hypercompetitiveness resembles a diagnosable mental disorder — a volatile alchemy of obsessive compulsiveness, narcissism, neurosis and sometimes a dose of paranoia