Here is yet another question:
Are Adult Children of N's also N's themselves? I'd venture to say what I have always said. A child raised by an N, generally becomes an N, bpd or at least codependent or dependent
Dear Anastasia,
Some of us become SO independent and so protective that they don't let anyone really, really in. I am one of them, and working on getting heathier.This is true I have come across an article once that talks about the child of N's and how high functioning they can come to be, almost too smart for their own good.
To Laura's post:
Absolutely -- that is me, child of an N parent becomes an N or carries some harsh N traits.
I an a recovered alcoholic (codependency) I used to suffer form BPD tendencies, although never full blown. An in my early twenties I wore a facade of togetherness (my sh*T don't stink kinda attitude) that was stripped off of me when a boss fired me and told me to look at myself....guess what? I looked at myself and I did not like what I saw. I saw it all, my manipulation, my lack of self, my lack of integrity, my dishonesty, my lies, my anger, my self-hatred I could go on. It was as if my veneer was just swiped off my face -- it hurt.
I'll never forget that moment that I saw myself...I was 21. I called suicide prevention hotline and I said " I do not want to kill myself but I just figured out that I thought I had everyone fooled but the only person I was fooling was me -- What do I do now, how can I face others and the world?"
The guy on the other end of the phone told me that, first, it was remarkable that I did come to terms with myself, second, that it was not the world or others that I could not face it was myself and my goal was to begin to face myself, daily.
For over 3 years I had been in therapy but at that point I got a new therapist, went to AA meetings, attended ACA meetings and built up a network of support women who were doing their original pain work, going deep and healing. It took me another 5 years just to work through the layers of defenses but I found my wounds, pain and original trauma of abandonment.
Think of me as hope, hope and recovery for the N's BPD's, and codependents of this world.
Today, at almost 40, I spend my days not hurting others, working to love others more than myself with no reward for self as well as I do not suffer from major depression or addiciton (well, I smoke occasionally), only very little loneliness steming from childhood memories and patterns. I have no eating disorders, I do not act out sexually, I am happy with me and more at peace with life surrounded by good friends and more dreams fulfilled than I could of ever imagined.
Do I still suffer? Heck yes. Past suffering, yes.
Life is life and my history still creeps up to meet me. But I have non destructive tools to cope and a core-self that I work to nuture.
I do not self-destruct anymore. I practice rigorous honesty which is the key to overcoming mental and emotional disorders and the severely painful wound of abandonment.
