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trembling!

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snook:
Is RC back on this board? I thinks I smell a rat.

SoftPeach:
Nooooo, it was relevant and in direct context to:

Nassim wrote:

Many of us give apologies too easily without asking questions. We have been conditioned by Ns and others that we are always wrong. I think it's a healthy thing for Portia to ask for clarifying information before she gives an apology. That way she won't feel hijacked so to speak.

At any rate, I do agree with what you said in your 1st message about our opinions being different. I'm at okay with that- not much more to say.
No bad feeling on my part.

Peace....

nassim:
One poster said that P should have just said sorry regardless of even knowing what to say sorry to. I was responding to him/her.

I think P asking that question was appropriate. Just MO.

Nassim

pandora as guest:
Hi Sjkravill,

I hope you are doing OK.  Hang in there!  Everyone who has responded is trying to help in their own way.  

Just my own two cents, when I was sharing my story a few months ago, I sometimes would feel a little put off by responses that seemed to say "leave the SOB ASAP".  although I know that all responders did so out of a desire to help me, and I appreciated everyone's input and concern.  

There is a fine line between honoring your marriage commitment by struggling with hard issues and trying to reach your H and help him see and alter his destructive behavior, and enduring abusive treatment from someone who cannot or will not change.  S, I can tell that you are smart enough to figure it out, although it may take more time.

I sometimes beat up on myself for "putting up with too much" or "staying too long", but the truth is that is not what happened.  I took my marriage commitment very seriously and felt I owed it to myself to try as best I could to make it work.  In the end, my H seemed hellbent on his own destructive path and then the right choice for me became very clear, and I could take decisive action. I saw I could not help him and could only save myself.   But it only came after a painful struggle.  The fact that you are going through this struggle now shows that you are a person who takes her commitments seriously and has good values.  That shows your honesty and strength.

Only you can decide whether to stay or leave, and you can't decide that until you are ready.  It takes time to figure these things out, and you owe it to yourself to give yourself that time.   Uncertainty is very hard.  But if you keep on the path you are on, you will get clarity.  And then you will know what to do and find the resources to do it.  

Take care of yourself!  

pandora

mighty mouse:
Don't need to "fight" N battles with everyone you come in contact with by over-expressing a need that was lacking previously.

Does Nassim fight N battles with everyone he comes into contact with? I haven't noticed this. This sounds a bit over the top to me. Don't mean to be a contrarian here, but I definately think that was overstatement. That's just my opinion. Sorry to be off thread here.

SJKRAVILL, hang in there. We're all pulling for you!

MM

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