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trembling!

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mighty mouse:
Pandora,

You are very wise. I liked your post very much. I think Sjkravill will have to figure things out in her own time. We all want to rescue her like she is our daughter.
 :)
MM

SoftPeach:
One poster said that P should have just said sorry regardless of even knowing what to say sorry to. I was responding to him/her.

I think P asking that question was appropriate. Just MO.

Nassim

Yes, I see your point.   I guess for some people [like me] it is really blatantly plain as to what might be offensive about that message, and for others it is not so clear, or even agreeable. What I am beginning to realize is just how wide spectrums of perception are.  Again, I can see yours.

But S did say what she was offended about.  She said that there were unfair assumptions made.  The only thing she didn't want to do, was go detail by detail and correct them all, which would require her time and emotional energy, both of which might be used better focused elsewhere at such a trying time.

As was said before, detailed explanations also often lead to more conflict with the other person, so it is best in cases to let it go, as well.

I just think it would have been really helpful if P had just said something like "if I made unfair assumptions and you have been hurt by this, I apologize".  "I didn't mean to".  

Sometimes it can be so quick and easy to mend things.  

Peace...

SoftPeach:
Sorry MM:

You misunderstood the whole exchange.  

This was not directed at Nassim at all. I don't even know him as a board member.  Just from the exchange we had, though we disagree, he seems very calm, very nice, and very smart.

If you read back it might become clearer, or by replacing "you" with "one" might help.

Just FYI.

Peace....

mighty mouse:
To me this was between P and S. On this board we are dealing overwhelmingly with Ns. And regardless of whether your statement was directed at Nassim, it was still overstated IMO. Have you dealt with Ns? If you haven't then maybe you can't appreciate the content of the statement that Nassim made. No, everything is not about Ns. I don't think anyone thinks everything is about Ns. Or long term therapy.

I didn't agree with your simple vs. difficult analogy either. To me you sounded a bit hostile and a wee patronising. It reminds me of someone who used to be here on the board and exhorted everyone to go reread their posts...like they made a mistake or didn't know what they were saying. The longer you are here, the more you'll see that the posters here generally are very knowledgable and considered in their responses.

In any case, welcome.

MM

SoftPeach:
MM:

I have extensive experience with N's and what I said would apply to my own self as well.  I think saying things are not always about that, is accurate, and advice I try to heed myself, as well. I've heard the same from therapists.  

You are taking what I said way too harshly, and contrary to your last words, your tone with me is hardly welcoming

I also don't know why you are comparing me to someone who you say used to be here and whatever you think that person's insecurity is. That is not fair or necessary, and I find it presumptuous and insulting.  

To me, you sound a little hostile toward me.  I had no personal exchange with you (and ended mine with Nassim amicably), and it
seems you have taken it upon yourself to try to "lecture" me, and tell me I will learn more or "wise up" as I stick around the group.

Sorry-you've got it wrong.

I'm not here to cause any discord and I am a very kind hearted, caring person.

I'll end it here because I'm really looking for more peaceful exchanges with members here.

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