Remember the sneer!
Displaying disdain and contempt for those whom he believes have betrayed him can confirm signs of narcissistic control. But betrayal, to a Narcissist, differs from what normal people experience.For most people, betrayal usually means a deep violation of trust inflicted by someone with whom a close, personal relationship exists.
But,
to a Narcissistic Controller, betrayal simply means that someone stopped pandering to his every want and need. In other words, when someone breaks away from his control, he feels betrayed. Since Narcissists do not have the capacity to develop close, trusting personal relationships,
there can be no deep violation of real trust.
When a Narcissistic Controller feels betrayed, contempt dominates his facial and verbal expressions.
The insolent, aloof sneer commonly accompanies expressions such as, "He didn't know who he was dealing with!" Or, "Doesn't he know who I am?"
His real complaint--if he had the ability to see it--should be, "Don't you know who I think I am?"
This is not an exhaustive description of Narcissistic Controllers. It is the basics--the essentials. If you believe that you are already locked into a business or personal relationship with this kind of man, a later part of this series will explain suggested ways to deal with him.
But
if you have recognized the features of someone like this man, and you are feeling caught inside his spell,
ask yourself a question: What part of me needs this man, so that I can feel good about myself?All types of Controllers capitalize on manipulating that part in anyone which lacks self-esteem.
Essentially, they feed off our uncertainties about our selves.
Find that shy, heart-broken or traumatized part of yourself and make friends with it. Get close to it, and it will help protect you from his deceptions, deceits, and ultimately, his inevitably egotistical scorn.
Before continuing on with this series, a word of caution about labeling people.
The severely self-centered type of Controller just described is known to professional clinicians as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), which is the official "clinical diagnostic category" for such an individual. Other personality--disordered Controllers-Anti-Social, Borderline, Aggressive, Passive-Aggressive--will be covered in latter parts of this series. But explaining a personality profile in a purely clinical manner can be like bodysurfing down a glacier. Professional clinicians might reach the foot of the glacier in one piece, but it's not something to officially try, unless you're licensed to the teeth.
This series is written for people--not professionals. For our purposes here, a realistic, everyday explanation of Controller characteristics can be of greater direct benefit, since the aim of this series is to provide a practically useable guide for self-preservation-not a clinical analysis. Therefore, please do not use this material to pigeonhole everyone you meet with a "diagnosis." Leave treating people like pigeons to the professionals.
excerpted from:
http://www.obgyn.net/displayarticle.asp?page=/yw/articles/Romeopart3
