Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Coming face to face with my NMother
Learning:
Michelle,
Just wanted to stop in and let you know that you have inspired me. Big time kudos for telling mom how it is. You don't want to talk to her. My dad called the other day and I picked up without checking caller ID (God what is wrong with me?)...anyways...in my shock I was unable to deal and actually talked to the man but oh so tersely and it took alot out of me. I wish I would have just said "I don't want to talk to you". I hope that the next time I will have you sitting at the forefront of my mind and that I will just cut it off right away.
I'm sorry you had to be faced with your mom unexpectedly like that, but I think it did make you stronger. And thank you for sharing your story!
Learning
Michelle:
Learning -
Don't you hate that choking feeling when you realized it was him!!!!! I hate that feeling. So out of control. You said that you talked to him "oh so tersely". I was confused about what that meant - I am assuming that it meant you spoke with him but didn't give in to his games or say the script that he wanted to hear? In that case, I think that is a huge step on your part. For so many years I just spent my time pacifying her and meeting her needs. I think it is a great step to start standing your ground - even though it does hurt and takes all the energy you have.
I think the big reason I was able to really take the stand this time is because everything happened so quickly!!!!! I acted before I thought about it - totally instinctive and intuition. That was on my side. If I had time to sit and think about it I am sure I wouldn't have reacted in the same way. Too many mind games / guilt / manipulation going on.
I appreciate your encouragement. Pats on the back for you too for making the choices that are good for YOU.
Love, Michelle
Michelle:
Update -
I talked to my sister - in - law a few days ago. She said that she TOLD my mother to pick up the phone so that she could "fix" this problem between us. She went on to say that she would NEVER treat her mother this way and she didn't know how I was sleeping at night. Of course she told my mother these things as well so you only know how that set her mind off. Keep in mind that my sister - in - law is pregnant and has been having complications with her pregnancy. I told her (in a calm and to the point manner) that she cannot make the judgments for me because her mother has been very good to her. She does not truly know my mother and therefore can't claim to have walked in our shoes. I also told her that I did not appreciate her "holier than thou" attitude and that she can't "fix" anything that I don't want fixed. I told her that my mother's hurt that day was partly her doing by trying to get us back together without my consent. I also told her that I am totally happy with my choices and don't have to explain them to her, my mother, or anyone else.
At least now I know how she is (although her hormones may be a little out of whack right now) and will definitely limit my contact with her as well now that I know her true feelings on this issue.
:roll:
Michelle
Pinget:
Michelle,
Try not to hold it against your SIL too much. She apparently has never been through this and just doesn't get it. And how fortunate she is to have been spared this! My mom's N thing is that she knows everything and is always right. You can't just discuss a topic, because anything you say she takes as trying to disprove what she's said. ARRGGHH. When I was a teen, I noticed that the more miles away from her I was, the better my acne got.':wink:' I am a happier person without her around and I don't often feel moved to call her or go see her. She doesn't respect me anyway. At least not beyond, I'm-her-daughter-so-I-must-be-wonderful. I get so tired of it all. :oops:
Anonymous:
Michelle,
Your SIL is a real meddler, isn't she. Clueless as well. I'll cut her some slack because of her pregnancy but she is an idiot. You stood up to her famously! :lol:
bunny
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