'Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other'. Here's another one for you 'What it was, it wasn't and what it wasn't, it was!' Or how's about this one 'today it's black and I swear god that it is..........no, tomorrow it's now white and on your life, I never said that it was black yesterday!'
A relationship with someone who suffers from NPD is akin to trying to thread the eye of a needle. Nothing unusual there except for the fact that you're standing in the middle of a field at night in near hurricane winds and lashing rain! Now do you see my point?
The seduction process is simple. You tell them what you like and they give it to you. You think the both of you want and enjoy the same things, "gosh you're soooooooooo compatible"
Then the training slowly starts! It appears normal at first. You know, that kind of getting to know each other and living together kind of stuff. All perfectly normal and indeed, reasonable. Whilst we're on the subject, three very important words for you to remember: rational, reasonable and fair.
It start slowly for me, but gained momentum fast. It wasn't 'learning' about each other so much as being 'conditioned!' Over very silly things really she began to 'train' me. "No, don't do it this way silly, do it this way!" At first you don't even think about it, but then over time, it starts to nark you. Then you make the first mistake, you tell her so! Boy have you done it now! She goes up the wall with you chasing trying to apologise like hell (mistake). You're 'sorry', you didn't mean to cause 'offence' and you didn't mean to say what you said! Things calm down, but now the stakes are up!
It doesn't matter how slight your 'mistake' was, they have to raise the punishment level next time so that you learn! Honestly I felt like a naughty child! Within a few months, it had gotten to the stage were she was walking out over the slightest thing! A phone call from my ex wife over me taking my children out kicked off the first one. She stormed out into the night whilst it was raining. We lived in a part of London that was very leafy, but a woman had not long previously been brutally murdered.
I haven't got a clue where she's gone, but we live in a block of flats actually on Wimbledon Common, so she's had to walk through some woods. I drive and go looking for her, it's not safe. 10 minutes later my mobile rings. She's crying her eyes out telling me that she sitting on a bench with a weirdo not far away. I pick her up and we're back a the flat. "Honey, you can't do things like that.......it's not safe!" She's crying and apologising and then we're in bed as if nothings wrong........if you get my point. She promises never the do that again. Less than a week later, guess what?
Now she's off again but this time in a taxi to Euston train station. I know she's at Euston, cause she phones and tells me so when she gets their. Same thing all over again.......I go get her......back into bed and she's sorry! Exactly the same happens a short time after. She's back at Euston and now on the train going home to her mothers 200 miles away! Two days later she's on the phone crying her eyes out at what she's done......she's back that night!
This is a process that continues to excellerate. I love this woman and think that it's normal.......isn't it? OK my ex wife and I never behaved this way, but then I'm just relationship niave.......aren't I? The pattern is always the same. Bust up, off she goes, cool down, back and bed, reward (I treat or buy something for her). Now this pattern is obvious, just not to me! Friends of mine start to comment. Even my ex wife politely raises her eyebrow.
I make another mistake, I tell her that my close friend and business partner says something about her. Bang.......she's ranting and raving! So much so, I can't even mention his name again without incuring her wrath. Before, he was a great guy in her opinion, now he's a tw*t! She won't even entertain him in the house. Everytime I meet with him to play golf or something, an argument between us happens and then she's off again.
The length of time she's away is increasing. On one such ocassion she's gone for a week or so. I try to reason with her over the phone, but she's having non of it! In fact, she's scathing about things! "Send me my clothes"........and......"make sure you send my bike"! Christ she hated bike riding. I bought it for her as it riding was one of the things I liked (especially around London), but she absolutely loathed it! Now she wants me to send he bike 200 miles to her mothers.......wow! Ar well why not, it's the usual relationship stuff isn't it?
I'm down in the mouth. I phone my mate to see if he fancies playing golf in Marbella, Spain. "Great Idea David!" He's in Manchester so we book flights via different airlines. Phone rings it's Gideon. "David would you mind if I bring my bro along?" "No problem", I reply. Hour or two later, phone rings again "Janine (his wife) wants to come along, is that OK?" "Fine, look forward to it". So we're booked and in two days time, I'll be off. The day before I go, my nearest and dearest is on the phone to me.
Perhaps she's been to hasty and she's mission me. I'm missing her. We meet near Heathrow, talk and guess what.......yep we're back home and in bed as if nothing happened. I tell her about the Marbella thing and Gideon. I can't get out of it as I set the whole thing up. So I buy another ticket and off we go the following day.
Lovely place! Great hotel with our room facing seaward right on the private beach.......lovely! Suns glowing red (as usual) with just a hint of breeze wafting through the room.......magic! (I'm soppy about things like this
) Anyway, Gids due in the following morning, so the two of us take it easy with dinner and a lovely beach walk......nice. The following morning, Gid and co arrive at the hotel.
Now Cathy is in a strange mood. It's not strange to me......as she always blames Mr PMT for it. Anyway Gid, Janine and Julian are in our room sitting around the table on the balcony. We've come here to play golf and that's what we're about to do. The girls don't play, but we invite them along anyway. Polite refusal later, Janine suggests that the two girls go shopping on the boys plastic.......
Cathy point blank turns her down. No, she wants to stay in the room, read a book and take it easy........Mr PMT and all that. Janine smiles and goes off on her own. Gid, Julian and I play golf.
5 hours later and I'm back. She's in the bath and I'm having a shower. We're all having dinner that night at a really nice place.........no we're not, she's not going! Why......I ask? I'm stunned by her answer! "You've left me alone all day and you know I don't like those snobs!!" "What........but you knew I was coming out here with them and you tagged along at the end"!! Mistake.......I used the word tagged...........oh dear! Cathy's out of the bath and stomping around packing! She's going home because I used the word "Tagging"! She's slighted and ranting at me for belittling her. I'm opologising all over the place and trying to reason with her. She's having none of it.
I'm dressed and ready thinking that she'll come round if I just let her calm down. Nope, half an hour later and she's still somewhere around Pluto!. So I go off to see Gideon. Nothings wrong Gid, just need a little more time for Cathy to be ready. Back at the room and she's now hovering around the Moon. I talk her round and we proceed in having a great night. Meals brill and the vino is flowing! After the food we're off for a bop in an exclusive place next door. 2 in the morning and it's bedtime. We're all drunk and off we go. She's piddled, but happy. I put her into bed, stroke her face......she's asleep! I slip onto the beach for a few minutes to reflect on the night.....big mistake!
"What are you doing here"....Cathy arrives. "Oh nothing honey, just looking at the stars before bed". "No David I know you, what are you thinking"...........then I say it (big big mistake) "I'm trying to figure out why you behaved as you did tonight when I came back and then again, the same thing this morning?" Bang...........I can see the stars exploding in my face, she hits me in the face! I'm a bas**rd, a s**t, a t**t....etc she's leaving!! A pantomine insues! She's packing at 4 in the morning and leaving for the airport 40 miles away. I'm rationalising......"don't leave, to tomorrow morning proper" "There's no flights....etc. This continues until see leaves, I can't believe it!
I go after her catching her up in the Town. She returns with me to the hotel. We sleep most of the day and only wake late that evenning. Everythings fine. I've let Gideon down as I failed to show up for golf that morning. He kind of knows that Cathy and I are having a domestic and leaves well alone. The next morning we all meet up and say our goodbyes as we're all leaving for home. A short break and boy did this one fly!
Things cool between Gideon and myself. Cathy's won. In the end, I've allowed her to fu** up a good friendship of many years. Without fulling realising it, she's slowly cutting me off from people. There's always fault with my mates in some shape, form or fashion. Looking back on it.......I can't believe I allowed her to do this, I was such a prat!!!
