did Tina ever really give you a clear reason as to why she is avoiding you, if that is what she is doing? It seems that she just broke things off rather sudden and without any explanation, unless I am missing something? It must hurt.
Can you explain why she broke-up,if indeed you are the father, or why she is being so obtuse.
Well Gabben, as it happens with Ns, nothing is clear about her motives. Let me explain what happened at the end.
On a Sunday, we were looking for a house to buy. While we were at it a guy called her, asking her to go out on a date. I found that extremely disgusting, because although we had been together for only about 2 months, it was strange that someone was still calling her.
Besides that, I have to mention that during our relationship, I discovered a lot of signs (including her own stories) and received information that she was extremely promiscuous before.
For starters, she was never able to end contact with her former ex’s, affairs etc. For example, one day as we checked her e-mail, there was one in which a guy patient of her lamented that she couldn’t made it to their date, but he was looking forward to it. As Ns regularly do, she stated that he was crazy, that he discovered her e-mail and made it up.
There’s A LOT more about this subject.
When she received that call, I got sickened by her behavior. After she hang up, she said, with some pleasure “Wow, it’s the third that has called me”. I told her “Listen, we may get married because of the child, but we won’t live together, because I won’t be able to watch things like this happening everyday”.
Later that day I saw that she had received a message on Orkut from one of her former lovers (20 years old, she was 35). The message itself wasn’t intimate, but still it was contact, which I repeatedly asked her to break in order to show that she had changed her ways. The answer was always the same “You have a confidence problem. I know what I am doing”. BTW she didn’t have the same confidence the day A MALE FRIEND of mine called me to go out on a Saturday night, it was like an earthquake.
The following day I phoned her and told her “My baby isn’t going to grow up in a promiscuous environment”. Answer: “Don’t try to take her away from me. Listen, the moment I choose I can take it off and get another one”.
After an extremely long list of evil things that happened for the short time we were together (as a couple, actually I had met her about 7 years before), I decided that if I married her I would have to divorce soon after, so I gathered the courage to tell her that I wanted the legal/civil marriage canceled (there was still the more social/public ceremony).
The day after, I went to her house to talk. That’s when her mother intervened and announced that the ceremony would be canceled, because most things couldn’t be available in such short notice at the end of the year and she wanted the best for her daughter. She told us to postpone it and marry after the baby was born.
Then there was the call about the parrot. Tina told me we were going to talk later.
Later I phoned her and she told me she wanted “to be alone for the moment”. I told her things couldn’t be that way and it would be definitive. She didn’t argue. I phoned her again, tried some suggestions, she didn’t change her position.
On the same day she phoned me, asked me to take my things away from her home.
A few days later, desperate, I phoned her and asked to see her. She received me as sometimes before, talking about herself, how many patients she had, the things she had to do etc. After some time I went away.
On that night she called me and I asked about her and the baby. I told her I was going there to visit the baby. She resisted and didn’t let me in her house. I had to knee down at the garage and talk to the baby “Someone told me today how we are going to meet. I am dying to hear your cry”. (a friend of mine had had a dream about me and the baby).
On the following Sunday, I phoned her and she made it clear that she wanted things to stay as they were.
I am telling you these things because about a month later she called me, her aunt at her side, from her aunt’s house and “invited” me to go to the next ultrasound. I argued that she had sent me away.
She told me “you know pregnant women act differently”. That would be her first excuse. The second one is that “I was controlling her” (meaning I wanted her to break contact with former lovers).
So, yes, she did break contact without any explanation and later, when questioned, came with these excuses.
It seems that she cheated on you?
I am very positive about that. There are a thousand signs. For example, the second day we were formally dating, I was at her house in the morning. We had intimate moments. After that, I went out to buy a notebook for her and lunch for my mother. She said she was going to stay to help her mother. A few hours later, she wasn't there. She had gone to her ex's house, she later admitted.
Possibly you might research the laws in your state as they pertain to paternity?
Yes, CH, I have been researching. I may have the chance to force a DNA exam.
For your own sake and for the benefit of the child, it seems important to establish paternity asap... do you think?
I completely agree. If I find that it is not mine, I may have some closure. If it is mine, I will have to deal with this craziness the rest of my life, but my baby will be a blessing!
Do you know when the baby is due?
From the moment we decided to try to conceive, I took care of all of the pertaining information, including her cycles. The baby is due on August, 5th, but I believe she will arrive a little sooner.
Thank you for your posts, Gabben, CH and AMI. Right now I see how much I still need to get off my chest.
Thank you.
