ReallyMe's thread really hurt me (she was baiting me)

[Gabben]

"why are some people so upset by labels?"

Reallyme or Laura, posted the thread titled above full well knowing that I would read it, treating me like an object with no feelings and as If I do not exist.

This was the last straw for me.

People, will you ever realize how our hurtful behavior can have drastic effects on on others.

Laura wanted to know why labels hurt or upset people. For one, because some of us actually have tender hearts and two because some of us were called abusive labels throughout our childhoods:

For me my mom told me that I was crazy, stupid, retarded, disordered, something was wrong with me. She wished I was never born, "I was a mistake that God would admit to" ...........the list could on and on.

But the label that hurt me the most was being called crazy. It hurt so much I spent thousands of dollars and hours trying to get well.

I went to the deep wells of pain in my heart and wrenched.

Laura was baiting me because she knew her post would set me off and send me into a rage.

Laura is coldhearted, a very cruel person.

[Ami]

I am so sorry you are hurting ,Lise.
I really ,really am. If I can do anything to help, I am here,by phone or PM.       Love  Ami

((((((((((Lise)))))))))))))

[reallyME]

Phoenix, you and Izzy summed up perfectly what I was about to share.  I am reposting it, because it is EXACTLY my place in this situation.

I mentioned no names PURPOSELY.  It was the topic of "people refusing help that they actually need or want, for whatever reason" and for me to hear what some reasons might be.  Nothing more, nothing less, no hurt directed anywhere, period. It was about some THING, not SOMEONE.

PHOENIX: No Lise, I think ReallyMe was trying to talk about something without tossing a label onto a specific person. And everything was OK, until you made it an issue and spiraled yourself into full-blown triggered emotion. Again.

Why can't we talk about labels?? (I despise them, btw) The topic fits the board's purpose... we can't NOT talk about something because it might trigger someone; each of us has to protect ourselves.

Even if you were triggered when reading it, it doesn't mean that the thread was ABOUT you. Nowhere does she reveal the identity of whom she's referring to... only inviting them to reveal themselves, if they choose to. If something triggers you, close it QUICK and read something else!!

and Izzy: I feel that reallyMe is asking a question of everybody, and I just never responded to it, as I don't feel it important enough for me to glean information that will help me out in life.

Now that remartk could very easily upset reallyMe, if she reads this, but that is my feeling.

Please try to not be so sensitive/paranoid re certain words or phrases. I don't think of you as paranoid, yet, but I might soon if you post that you feel people are out to get you. Then again, maybe some people are.

No, Izzy, it did not upset me at all.  You are free to respond to whatever threads you feel inclined to.  If my topic was not for you, then so be it.  It's all good with me.  I'm not sensitive when I see someone exercising their right to choose.  I'm pleased to see it! FREEEEEDOM! yes!

~Laura

[Certain Hope]

Dear Lise,

All I've gotten out of this is that you're feeling deeply hurt. I've not read any of the replies or tried to figure out what happened... because my perspective on it is irrelevant (my lesson of the month). I'm only concerned that you're hurting (((((((((Lise))))))))))))
and I'm so sorry for that pain... only wishing that there were more I could do. Also, I want you to know that I have the deepest confidence in your ability, by the grace of God,  to work this through to resolution for yourself, regardless of circumstances. You know? I am standing in faith that there will come a time when circumstances, even, are irrelevant... beside the point. If you need me, please email...

Love,
Carolyn

[reallyME]

Lise,

I had a bpd friend for several years and she really struggled trying to trust me.  I'm not saying you are bpd, I'm saying she had those definite traits and we really fought for even our short friendship together.

I do understand about triggers.  When you had to constantly wonder if someone wAS out to hurt you, you develop a very keen sense of heightened caution.  Even I at times have a problem with this, believe it or not.

I am sincerely sorry that my post somehow hurt you.  I am not callous in not caring about people at all, if I know they are wounded, especially by me.  Although I cannot watch every thing I post, in fear that someone might be triggered, or that would render me voiceless again, I want you to know that I DO care, I hurt for you for what you've endured and I know you will be able to walk through to freedom in your process in life.

Blessya,
~Laura

[Gabben]

Dear Laura,

Someone has been following me around the board for the last couple of months.

Everytime I post they post something indirectly or passively to me. Sometimes it hurts.

At first I had no idea what there were doing, then figured out what they were doing and I ignored it. Then I attempted to direct the person and I was accused of being reactive and abusive. Then I sat quietly watched and prayed. Then someone showed up and validated that I was not crazy and that this person WAS indeed stalking me on the board.

THAT is why I am so sensitive here and I am walking on egg shells. One person can only take so much. Can you see how when one person starts targeting someone, covertly, it has a domino effect?  It will hurt the target and then the others as I am becoming increasingly sensitive of everything on the board because of this one person and increasing distrustful of everyone because of this one person.

Never before have I been a target of someone so devious and manipulative, well, expect for N saint and my mom.

I sometimes think that this person lives on a mental ward and that the only time when they are not on the board is when they are in their straight jacket.

Everytime I say something I get accused of being the aggressor.

This person is dangerous. And, no I'm NOT paranoid.



BTW -- Amber thank you for your kindness and compassion. (not sarcasm)

[reallyME]

Lise,

I appreciate so much, your sharing that with me.  It feels so TERRIFYING to be the target of a stalker.  I have experienced it as well in my life, and, yes, it causes one to constantly be looking over his/her shoulder, thinking that anything that seems out of the ordinary can leap out and destroy you at any moment.

I'm in the midst of a situation right now in my life that is very touchy as well.  I can relate to how you felt if you thought i was covertly attacking you in some sinister way.  Again, Im sorry for your pain and fear.

~Laura

[reallyME]

Lupine,

Unfortunately, as sincere as you sound, you happen to be sincerely wrong about me and my intentions in this situation.

I have already contacted the person whose thread sparked me to start my thread about refusing help when one really wants it.  It is now up to that person if they choose to let you all know that it was THEM not Lise who wrote the original thread that sparked my interest.

~Laura

[teartracks]

Hi Gabben,


Then someone showed up and validated that I was not crazy and that this person WAS indeed stalking me on the board.

Two things:

1)  Consider that VESMB is one of the best, if not the best, examples available about how disordered people behave, (at least in first hand accounts from them/us in written form).   This sometimes calls for a large dose of 'putting up with' what is said on the board by members.   This is hard to do when you feel assaulted or targeted.  Not saying it's easy, just suggesting that staying aware of the fact that it is a board for disordered people to express themselves is wise.  Edit in: Ummm, I suppose not exclusive to the disordered, but you know what I mean.

2)  Re stalker.  My take on this is that the more rope you give the stalker  to ply their trade, (speaking only of this board, not 3D) the sooner it will become evident to the board at large what they are doing.  Again, not easy, but when you consider the anonymity you have  here, what can they (the stalker)  do to you that can't be dealt just as effectively when what they have been doing becomes evident of its own accord?  Disclaimer:  What I'm suggesting is one approach, but not necessarily the only or best approach.  I guess in the end, to each, his own would be the best approach.  Don't know.

tt
 

[Certain Hope]

Hi again,

I agree with tt's post on both points.

Also, Lise,  I've come to think of this particular type of following-around which goes on here in terms of "undoing"...
so instead of thinking of the person as a "stalker", I think of the person as an "undoer".

Anybody can go around behind me or you and try to "undo" what we say and/or cast it into a different light... but all that this sort of person spews will end up reflecting straight back onto its source. That's my outlook, anyway... makes it easier to allow the roughage to just spew on by.

Love,
Carolyn

[Ami]

I was harassed very badly by a board member,who, thankfully, left.
 I think that it can be an opportunity for growth, not s/thing to push you down.  The board people are "real" people, who you would encounter in the 3 D world.
 As one long time board member says, "Better to have it happen on the board, than real life." THEN, you can learn to deal with it, in real life.That is my perspective.I could be wrong, for s/one else.
                                             Ami

[Gabben]

Thanks tt and Carolyn,

Both of your posts really helped me in bringing a sense of relief to the hopelessness of the situation.

I'm trying to figure out why this person triggers me so much. They are really the only person on this board that triggers me to unending, unrelenting frustration. Why? That is the question I have to ask myself.

They create in me a feeling of powerlessness or helplessness.

The other thing is that I have come to realize how much it hurt to be projected onto by my mom.

She could not "trust me" she would say despite my grades, friends and innocence she projected her unwanted self onto me. It was confusing and distressing.

The button this is pushing is that button of not being seen clearly by my mom, it hurt, the lack of truth really hurt.

Also, I feel that this person on the board is so sick that I get caught up spending more time swatting away their projections and posts then I do focusing on issues that are really important.

Funny this weekend I met with a woman who told me that that is what evil does, it tries to distract you from dealing with what is really important.

Gab

[Overcomer]

Izzy, you are cracking me up!  Thank you for not correcting my millions of phone typos!!!  Right now I am on a computer so if you edit anything I say, I will stand corrected!!

I believe there are people on this board who dub themselves "the editors."  Some people just rub each other wrong and I have seen people who rub each other wrong follow those people around and try to undo what they say....that is a true statement.  Or you might get sarcasm in response to a post.....I think a better alternative is to avoid those people who rub you the wrong way but it doesn't happen around here.....

I also think there are people who are very sensitive here.  I think we who have had to deal with Ns in our lives can be a bit sensitive.  I used to melt into a puddle if someone looked cross eyed at me.  I am a little thick skinned at this point of my life.  I have three or four days a month when I might melt into a puddle...

[Overcomer]

Wow.  I hope I am not graded on my postese-I am sure I would fail and I even have a college degree!

[Overcomer]

Oh do not mind me-I got it and was being a bit sarcastic.