I was thinking on a paranormal metaphysical thing...
About narcissists and "psychic attacks" and whatnot,
This is weird but I gotta say something maybe someone else here can help me.
Let me share where I am...at on this..
I was thinking about sociopaths how they seem to take what they want from people and get away with it on this planet to the point it's just crazy...How thier ability to seek out vunerable people ,people who have been abused before,or somehow wounded or unaquainted with them and control them,How this uncanny N' sense is with them how they can avoid mistaking a hurt person with one of thier own kind when they set up thier fiefdoms in this world. It's almost like they have otherworldly guidance.
I also thought about how our entire world works in such a sadistic way, and how it is stacked against compassion in favor of bullies in so many aspects.I observed all the sick painful psychological conditioning one must undo in life to just get a glimpse of who you really might be and by that time you are old usually and don't have much time.If you are younger,you get attacked for going where others don't in yourt thinking,and they get defensive and threatened by your resistance to being dominated and controlled..I thought about how painful and how unessary it all is and even though on some level the problem is glaringly obvious people are unable or unwilling to'break the trance' so to speak... I thought about how insane it is that life must feed upon the living to live just to struggle to live another day, reproduce get hurt and die anyways and leave behind offspring to the same fate..
No wonder society is so insane ,the pain of existance makes you crazy it makes you want to escape it..
Some people say sociopaths and n's are like an alien consiousness from lower dimensions. Some say they are reptiles reaching through human"shells" to feed upon thier human victims,or inter-dimensional parasitic insect things in human suits feeding on our emotions.
Some say it's a kind of controlling hive mind that works through n's and sociopaths and this world system. Some claim n's are a predatory species of animal,a genetic twist, or an alien consiousness living inside our species,in our minds or bodies that look like us and feed upon our emotional pain stress and wanting to do better..they play us off one another,create divisions and strife deliberately and feed off the emotional frustration and fear of people under stress generate. Some people make claims these tN's and sociopaths exist as a "balance factor" or act as spiritual lesson givers that make us grow aware..(I don't see all the awareness results to justify all the wars and torments people ednure at the hands of bullies and authoritarians for so many ages..yet)
Gnosticism and Maltheism claim this evil in the world is a feature here. Maltheists contend the world creator is evil.That N's made this world so the world was made for evil things to plunder it's treaures at will. Some say People with souls get trapped here either by the evil stuff kidnapping them,blinding them,making them forget,or because they got duped.Some say humanity are used as food sources for these interdimnensional bully predator/parasite beings..
Some say this reality exists in this way because it is a sick vibration/thoughtform trap that creates holograms(the stuff we call reality) out of this particle wave stuff that makes up all that isd and vibrations create forms we call bodies,chairs,apples,cats ect.and our beliefs and emotions our desires and our individual and collective unconsious create and sustain the forms we see which limit our perceoptions seperate us from"the ONE" source,that is all"love",and eventually this line of thinking gets very egg or chicken first if you persue it too much.
We are all one or we are all one thats trapped by itself,or trapped by the other one..(evil divisions)
(Love or lack of love interacting in a world without love, creates strife..where spirit is trapped ,duped, controlled or choosing to be here to heal the lack of love and love the many back into one that is still many but in harmony..( like a spiritual evolution school idea so we can handle controlling spiritual powers better or something) Then there's the "you create your own reality" crowd.
Some say our reality is being hit by a metaphysical kind of wave that is coming to crash into earth,another kind of reality that is merging several dimensions together..Or there is a photon wave rapture beam thing that Earth passes through regularly that will take people who are N's away or take non N's away. or just change everything,ort kill us all off. .Some say the force of entropy meansd the universe is winding down,and this is a symptom or they say it's brahama opening and closing his eyes causing kali yuga times to 'cleanse' the Earth.
Some say it's Great spirit trying to shake us awake from a bad dream,that we have been dreaming for centuries..
Some say a planet is coming and disturbing the dimensions and patters or the earth's surface and it will cause mass destruction and depopulationm which will remnove the controlling forces.
Some are waiting for"good aliens" to beam us outta here.
Either way there are strange anomolous things going in in the weather,on the sun,in space that didn't start until pretty recently and some of them have no good explanations.. There is just too much weirdness going on all around me and I have not enough understanding of what it is and why it is to make this all make sense or to enable me to make it be all be ignorable.
I dunno what reality is ,and what life is or why this shit is happening to me and to this Earth. No one deserves this shit..And the worst part is there is not much I can do to change it.
I just dunno what to think anymore about any of this stuff. I 'm at the point any of it could be true or false,or any combination could be true or false,or none of it could be true aor all of it is true..i'm tired of guessing and metaphiicsical comfort seeking.This existing shit HURTS. It's so nuts.
I suffer when I wake up. and it's just strange.
I have really bad insomnia. and I cannot sleep at night anymore.
I go to bed in the morning at sunrise and get up around 1 or noon.
I can't help it.I have tried and tried to re-set myself onto a dirnal schedule and it fails. so,I have given up. My therapist has tried ambien and other medicines to try to reset my internal clock and it just won't set. So fuckit.
But in the morning when I go to sleep , I sleep soundly through the day hours, with no problem.
I do very little dreaming. I have never dreamed much in my life ,However I have had a few very profound dreams.,keeping a dream diary doesen't help increase my recall. Nor does mugwort tea or other remedies.
Now when I awaken this is where the shit gets tough,during sleep I find often I have been sweating.That could be early menopause,too warm or any other number of things.I ain't all that worried about sweat in of itself..
The issue is I feel this pain when I wake up in my arms like bad muscle aches as if I had lifted too heavy weights without warming up first and tore my muscles out. It is also in my legs ,in my torso, stabbig pains it all aches,I writhe in response, and suddenly my heart begins to pound like panic attack,but I ain't panicing..I'm not scared really . ButI can't help but observe my body is acting weird.
Sometimes I shudder like a seizure but I am consious.I can talk calmly while this is going on.The shudder does not hurt but my body jerks alot.It's involuntary.
This is the kicker.. I sometimes see a black thing on my chest,or sometimes I am just outside my own body and I see it on my head right before this shit happens. It has a probosis thing and I guess.. it is feeding? As it draws on me the pain in my muscles intensifies. And I can't move my body to disloge it.
I have found markings on my skin in the shower after I have been up, that resemble needle punctures, on my arms or on my hip.It really looks like injection marks.and they are punctures, red and sore like injection marks are too. sometimes they bleed a little or have a bruise around it. We have no bug infestations. So I dunno what they are.Sometimes these marks happen after dreams I can barely recall.I dunno why or what is going on.
.
The last dream I recalled that was followed by punctures was one where I was waking up my partner in bed,I took him to the doorway and pointed to an "alien ship" that looked like a crescent passing overhead.
I dunno if aliens abduct people or what,I know weird shit happens and there are evil people doing sick shit to people.But I don't know if I am involved in it or not. How can I I can assume all kinds of stuff ,but that doesen't mean I'm seeing what is really going on here.
I thought it was all in my head at first . So I kinda denied it.But it kept happening anyway. I kept it to myself.
About 6 months ago I broke down and told my partner about it.
He has had similiar incidents and knew what I was saying.
Since he sleeps beside me,I wondered if he had similar experinces too.
And he has.
We are both spiritual and intuitive and have spent alot of effort trying to understand the nature of things ,spiritual and philosophical and reality.We have sought any wisdom in whatever we can find it in..we have done away with countless sacred cows to find out what is ~IS.
He said he has seen those things I discribed above before,He described them before I told him about it. So I guess he can see them too.
I have seen them on him.He has seen them on me.
We can sometimes blast them off with metaphysical techiques of protection..and shamanic extraction.
These things attack us most viciously after we have had sex or after we spend alot of time recharging each other emotionally with intimacy.
They attack wwhen good stuff happens that makes us happy and excited.
They attack us if we are stewing or argueing and haven't resolved it yet..
They attack us whenever we discharge alot of emotions period.
These attacks upon awakening happen like a day or so later afterwards when The emotions occur ,it's like clockwork.
It isn't always me,sometimes only he is nailed with it. The effects it has on him are not as severe physically as they are on me. He gets depressed irritable or distracted,his main physical effects are headaches and his back..
We both can do some advanced shamanistic techiques,and reiki type things to stop them,it works pretty good sometimes.
But sometimes it is rough on us it can be draining too.
But it is starting to really hurt me,physically.
And it's beginning to scare me a little because it is effecting my day to day ability to do what I need to do. I wake up and I HURT. After an attack I am hobbling to the bathroom, walking ten feet and I'm out of breath because I can barely walk it hurts so much and I am that physically drained. I'm only 38 years old. Eventually as the day goes on the pain goes away in about an hour and a half. If I am not attacked,I can sprint up our basement stairs in the morning like it's nothing.I am not in horrenous physical shape. This makes no sense.
But recently I find the muscle aches are lasting longer into the day, several hours some days,all day..my arms hurt and my hands lose fine motor control,my ankles crack and hurt my legs hurt,my wrists,and neck, my back sometimes. The muscles are very sore and stiff..Some days are worse than others.
I do know these attacks are not occuring in ordinary reality as far as I can tell .People who focus only on ordinary reality may be quick to rationalize this ,and people who work with other realities might be quichk to discount and rationalize too. But it is occuring somewhere,to me, in the aether or near dimensions I guess..It's happening to our subtle bodies.
Now it affects our physical bodies, especially mine. I don't know if thoughtforms can take on a life of thier own per se ,or how exactly but if these are my own thoughtforms attacking me how do I find what in my mind or beliefs is generating them and how can I give it a better outlet or a chance to be heard?
If it is dimensional interferences I'm not generating what can I do to protect myself as I sleep? If it is predatory things feeding how can I stop it,if it is all in my head why does my partner see it too? I know about folis et duex(sp.),but y mom has seen the punctures.She asked,I bullshitted her about "thorns".She has horrible dreams in her sleep.She howls thrashes and moans in her sleep like she takes a trip to hell everynight.
If it is spiritual what am I doing that makes me a target to be fed upon?
If it is my mom's thoughtforms how to I get her to understand what she is doing? She's 73 years old How can I expliain to her something so far from her usual worldveiw ,and so discomfiting so that she''ll understand it and not supress it or go into denial? My mom is an N but she has improved.I have made strict boundaries.She is liveable. And we cannot make other living arrangements because our incomes are nil,so we are here for a haul..
If this is affecting us all because we humans exist to be food for these things feeding off our emotional energy how in the hell do I spring this coop if the collecive mind is duped into recreating it with thier thoughts.?
I have tried alot of different things seeking to know.and I really don't have any sacred cows that haven't been put out to pasture. When I find them there is usually som,ething I learn that evicts them from any place of permanence in my mind as "truth" tm.
I have tried positive thinking, hypnosis,positive affermations,taking melatonin,vitamins,crystals under my pillow, amulets,meditation,trance work, changing my beliefs,denial of thier existance,revoking conteracts/agreements,an allergy doctor,endocriologist.,a nutritionist,holotropic breathwork,reiki,journeys,shrinks, prayer,aromatherapy,magick,socery,magnets,a tin foil hat...you name it..
These things still attack me,
My cats,Rustle and Sparkle sometimes gather round me before I am fuly awake.They come up and ay down and they sleep and cuddle.They are a great comfort to me . Rustle lays against my back,Sparkle against my chest thier paws facing outwards. They position themselves so they are sealing my heart on two sides of my body with thier backs and they purr.They too react to these things arrival sometimes they get angry and glare when they come,around my body.
Rustle has even gotten into a fight with one. One morning recently Rustle jumped off the bed suddenly his tail poofed out I woke up fast,and he was growling ,than there was an awful rukus and I saw he was battling something invisible paws swatting empty air then as I looked it on I saw it was one of those black things..Sparkle jumped down and they stalked it and cornered it,It dissapeared when it realized it had no place to get out.Both cats jumped back on the bed immediately and laid down against me. I had no futher incidents for a few days. Than I had sex and they came back. This time my partner pulled them off. (and it is painful and I can feel them being pulled out,and there is an antheric arural wound/hole left after they are out.I reiki the holes shut to seal the aura back,and sometimes I use herbs,oils or a crystal too.
I know this sounds strange.I know it sounds crazy.
But I need help with this .Look if you can help with this I'll take help from wherever it comes I'm beyond caring about "norms"opinions and diagnosis..
Be aware Jesus stuff is triggering to me. It's because I was abused by a christian pedophile. What I went through would look like an SRA case except I was abused by a christian.Dr.Lowenstien an MPD therapist at Sheppard Pratt tried to manipulate me into believing the christian pedophile was reallty a satanist.I chewed him out for trying to persuade me to lie to myself and him in therapy.So this kind of stuff really makes me wary of claims of religions or therapists or any other dishonest fixit scam.So I get triggered over things like pentacostal type exorcism sessions.
And because I am emotionally triggered and supressing it so I can hopefully get benifiets from the method, these things come back if even when I face the trigger and do it anyways..the emotional energies are what they seem to be seeking.
Please if you can help. I'm all ears..
Thanks
Feline.
