Why humans say yes when mean no and the opposite?

[Lupita]

Why? I do not know, but it happens, all the time. I guess it is maturity. I have several students that refuse help, but I know deep in my heart that they want to be helped.
It has happened to me too. How many times all of us have said, "I look so ugly" with the hope that the other person says "No, you are fine"  or how many times we say "I did such a terrible job" with the secre hope that we hear, "No, no, no, you did fine"
How many times do we ask how we look and we expect a certain answer?
I think it is just human.
Does anybody relate to this?
God bless you all.

[lighter]

I think some of us don't believe we're worthy of help or whatever.

We feel shame that we need it, we feel weak if we receive it.

We're afraid of how we'll be perceived bc we don't have a very positive perception of ourselves, at times, maybe?

Sometimes it's easier to accept help and companionship and compliments than other times.

Maybe we're afraid we'll break down in tears, so grateful would we feel, for a kind word we thought would never come?

Sometimes we're afraid people will see too much of us, maybe it touches on your students insecurity about how smart/not smart they are, or how bad their study habits are or how disorganized they are or maybe they have issues they don't understand, like a learning disablility that makes them question more things about themselves?

When we're feeling stronger and happier, more confident.... communication is easier on the whole.

When we're coming from a position of perceived weakness....  it get's more complicated and difficult to navigate, IMO.

[reallyME]

if things would have stayed at my original topic just like this, all would have remained well.  Why would someone now bring this up again now?  Some things on here I just don't "get"

[Lupita]

Hi Izzi, I agree with you, but I also agree with lighter a lot. You know? I never believe a compliment. People tell me something good and I do not believe it. I am so used to think bad of my self that when somebody says something good I do not believe it. So, mayb e it is a combination of everything.
And that might be one of the answers to Laura's question in why people do not accept help. It happens all the time. Dignity, and many things.
And I promise, I am not talking about anybody in particular. Promise promise.

[Lupita]

I have not been on the board very often. Only on week ends. Yesterday was hard for me. Todat was nice day. I was on a filed trip and loved it. The kids that went to the field trip were very well behaved and I enjoyed that and I praise the Lord for a day like today.

[Gabben]

I never believe a compliment. People tell me something good and I do not believe it. I am so used to think bad of my self that when somebody says something good I do not believe it.

I can relate with what Lighter wrote here about self-centered fears being the root of what holds people back from seeking out help or assistance for needs.

As far as never believing a compliment or trusting the compliment is a matter of knowing yourself. If when you receive a compliment and it matches what you know to be true for knowing yourself then you can trust the compliment and the compliment giver.

True humility is about seeing ourselves as we truly are or knowing ourselves.

People enjoy giving compliments and affirming. Also, there is an emotional healthy need for us to value and appreciate what others have as well as their talents and gifts.

For me a compliment can be an act of gratitude.

[Lupita]

Good for you Gab. I do not know how to deal with compliments. My family never gave compliments.

Then I am araid of the sucking up of some people, or having a hiden agenda.

But that is me, cant speak for others.

I was thinking on that today when one of my students told me that the field trip was a good idea. I could not believe I had a good idea.

Love to all.

[lighter]

Awwww, Lupita.

Of course you can come up with better ideas.

Maybe the best you're capable of bc of all the strain and troubles you've experienced at work?

Sometimes we receive gifts from our struggles. 

That could be one of yours. 

[lighter]

Hmph.

Talks more, lol?

The nerve!

heh

[lighter]

I was thinking.... another reason people might say "no" to help is....

they've never been offered or recieved it before.

They've been doing and doing all their lives or the last years of it and wouldn't know how to be the only one DOING.

CB raising a large family and being out on the farm by herself probably meant she's doing everything for everyone without benefit of any help at all.

Her work ethic and willingness to work long hours and take on more work than others (so that they resent her) speaks to that thought, IMO.

It would be hard to change a habit like that.... maybe confusing...... adding more stress when the stress is already through the roof.

Sometimes unexpected kindness can cause us to freez up, weep, mourn all the times we didn't experience any kindness or offers.

That can cause a hiccup in communication and expressing a simple YES when we're dealing with so many convoluted thoughts and concepts brought on by the offer.