AAghh! My Nparent never ceases to amaze!

[sunblue]

This is a little story, very little, about my Nmom and co-dependent dad...I say it is about them both because each of them had a role in it....Of course, the behavior of each angered me no end....but I guess that will never change.

It was a simple, but aggravating situation.  I have an Nmom, Nsis and co-dependent dad.  Each night my Nmom and Nsis who are completely joined at the hip, talk on the phone for at least two hours (my Nmom won't even spare five minutes for my brother or I, even when he initiates calls).  Anyway, my co-D dad was driving me home from the train today...As we were entering the driveway of the house, his phone rang (think Bat Phone for Narcissists)....The cell phone indicated that yes, indeed, it was that time of day..when my utterly self-absorbed Nsis called in.

The cell phone was in my dad's pocket and it rang a few times (he is not tech-savvy at all).  BUT, rather than wait the two minutes it would have taken to finish pulling into the garage, parking and walk inside the house, he immediately put stopped the car, kept it running, started talking with my Nsis and ran hurriedly into the house with the phone to my Nmom so she could take the "oh so important" daily call.  My Nmom, in turn, stopped what she was doing (she was in the midst of eating dinner), ran hurriedly to my dad so she could take the cell phone, and hid herself away in a back room, dinner plate in hand, so she could sit down and begin her nightly two-hour call with my Nsis....Never acknowledged me or said hello or anything.

And, (and I apologize if this grosses people out), but when my Nsis calls and my Nmom has to, um, take a needed bathroom break, rather than telling my Nsis she'll call her back or cut the conversation short, she'll go into the bathroom with the cell phone and continue the conversation there.  TO me, that's just rude and gross....particularly since whenever my brother calls or I ask her something, she quickly will tell us she has no time to talk to us....She never even calls my brother back when he leaves messages..

I know this is a silly little situation but it makes me craaaaaazy!!!......Both of them just jump like little frogs when she calls or wants something yet completely ignore their other two kids and grandkid....Disgusting if you ask me......

Anyway...had a lousy day to begin with and it culmninated with this little episode so I just had to vent....

[flowerpower]

Wow. They sure aren't subtle in their favoritism are they?

May I offer *hugs* in empathy? 

[Leah]

(((((( Sunblue )))))))

from someone who knows how it feels to be left standing 'out in the cold'

and looking in.

Love, Leah

[sunblue]

Awwwww....thanks for the empathy and support....Just had to vent about it.....I wrote about this kind of issue before....mostly before I wanted to offer that when you're dealing with an Nparent in particular, it's not just the N who dishes out hurtful behavior, but the enabling, co-dependent other parent or family members too....When my dad did what he did, it just made me so sad....like watching a trained seal.......Also, when I witness situations like this firsthand it reminds me how very hopeless my family situation is.....

Thanks for listening!

[Ami]

Leah's post, and yours, reminds me of my favorite "fairy tale, ", "The Little Match Girl". I always cry when I read it, even now. She is lin the cold and is looking in the window, where there is love and warmth.
 Sun.it is easy for me to say that it is NOT your fault ,it is NOT anything you did or did not do. I know my words ring hollow, but I wanted to say them, anyway.
  I hope that one day you can see YOUR value ,apart from their sickness.     Love   Ami

(((((((((((Sunblue)))))))))))

[hardtotrust]

SunBlue, your story had a very sobering effect on me. Something I needed. Thank you.

I'm not sure I'm helping saying it, but I see something good in your story. You didn't become an enabler yourself. Imagine you there doing the same things you now see as absurd? Not something to be proud of. But you turned out differently and can break the curse from now on in your own family story (not that it justifies what you are suffering).

Leah's post, and yours, reminds me of my favorite "fairy tale, ", "The Little Match Girl". I always cry when I read it, even now. She is lin the cold and is looking in the window, where there is love and warmth.

Wow, Ami. That's pretty much the summary of living with an N.

[gratitude28]

Sun,
I swear we could not be any more alike. Thank you so much for putting a story into words that is so similar to my stories. I went through a funk recently because when my sister came to visit, my mother called and texted constantly. She NEVER calls me or even my kids, but she couldn't leave her for three days.... It is not that I especially want to talk to my mother, but I want to scream and say, "Can't you all see this? Am I really the only one who sees this?" Neither of my parents has any real desire to talk to me. They both talk to my sister regularly. How can my sister not see how bizarre this is? My mother talks to her no matter where she is, but always has a reason she didn't call because wherever she was was not accessible, or some such thing. It's always an excuse, or lie or whatever. I am so sick of it. I wish she would just not talk to us and then we wouldn't have to play the games. My NM is coming to visit at the end of the month- ugh. I don't even want to deal with her. And I have to entertain her when she comes... talk about a difference from when my MIL comes. We are so close that we can just be... happily. I guess that's what it's like to have a real mother.
Love, Beth

[Ami]

Dear Beth,
  Is your sister an N,did you say? Sorry if you said,previously.                      Love to you, Ami

[gratitude28]

Sun,
When I see a post like yours, I realize my complaints are valid. I always feel bad about bringing up my family's crap because "it's not that bad."
But it is!!!!! It is mean and rude and they do all the things they told me not to ever do...
Ami, in that vein - my sister does all the things I was told rude people do not do. She is definitely entitled. I would say she has lots of N traits, but there is a kind person in there too. She can be very giving, but she can be extremely selfish too. She also needs to be right most of the time.
Love, Beth