Because you came to believe that acceptance and validation could come only from your abusers
Dandy,
For me, this is a key statement because, I think for many of us, we sought (and still seek) validation from other people and that can destroy us. I have learned that I cannot seek my validation from another person or any person, other than myself. So, that's the lesson: We can only validate ourselves. If we seek validation from another person (a parent, spouse, whoever), we give them power over us, we give away our power and in doing so, we give away our identity and our core.
So, perhaps my biggest lesson has been not to seek validation from another person, so that I do not give away my power. IMO, I think if we can understand this lesson and live it, many related issues resolve themselves. For example, if we only seek validation from ourselves, we feel less (perhaps no) shame and our self esteem increases because we are accepting ourselves.
So, self validation can lead to accepting ourselves, and in turn, this reduces our feelings of shame, increases our self esteem and ........drum roll please...........leads to self love??!!??.
Thanks Dandy, Ami & Violet, you really got me thinking about all this.