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Bi-sexuality

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gnostikos:
Did someone say something about the instability of a bisexual, as if the relationship was an illusion?

Where did that come from.

Bisexuality is a healthy orientation, a very natural one, where you can be attracted to either sex.  It seems odd to me, as a bisexual, that some people are unable to be sexually attracted to one sex or the other.  It seems to be a rigidity of some sort, a matter of programming or perhaps a defense.

There is no ordinary or natural reason I can think of to be repulsed at the idea of sex with one sex or the other, other than programming, repulsion at either one's own or the other sex's pheremones, some odd prejudice founded in the brains reaction to certain body patterns, or response to trauma.  Repulsion towards homo-hetero-or-bi-sexuality seems arbitrary.  Simple lack of interest in one sex or another would seem to be possibly about one's environment, programming, or hormones, etc.

Did I hear someone act like bisexuality was inherently unhealthy or indicating immaturity, instability, or unresolved mental health issues?  Or did I read into it, as I was skimming?

Anonymous:
The original poster has been in relationships with extremely unstable women. One, or maybe more than one of his partners has cheated on him with other women. I was trying to tell him that bisexuality was not the problem in his relationships. Instability/BPD was the problem.

Hope that clears it up.

bunny

gnostikos:
Ahh, then yes, I heard it wrong.

You are right on.  A bisexual can choose to restrain themselves, or not, and interpersonal relationships, including sexual relationships, can be sustained with different sorts of agreements.

If the agreement you desire, is not clear, then clarifying the agreement that you feel is essential to the relationship, will help in setting boundaries or deciding that the nature of therelationship you desire is not agreeable to your partner.  If the expectations of the relationship were already clear, then the issue is that instability or disregard for the relationship, or something, not the bisexuality.

Anonymous:
Yes Bunny, I did walk into my home one night when I wasn't supposed to be their and found my gf in bed with one of her female mates and another guy. I guessed something was going to happen, but I hadn't guessed at the threesome. I also hadn't guessed upon the fact that my gf would have being deliberately leading the other two into the situation. She was the ring leader. I won't go into how I know this, but I kind of guessed something was going to happen whilst I was away on business.

Of course I was shocked...to the point that I was very calm on the surface! Shocked not because of finding them, but because of her and what she was doing. So much so, I didn't even raise my voice, I just left.

I

We been together for some 5 years and during them we'd kindof talked about stuff like the above in round about ways. She had a son from a previous marriage and we'd once got into a conversation about what if he or one of my daughters turned out to be gay. Her response was akin to slapping someone in the face! She looked at me with a sort of strained look on her face an immediately told me that she'd denounce him right away! She'd have nothing more to do with him and she wasn't joking! I took this and a few other things she said to mean that homosexuality repulsed her! Boy how wrong can you be! Our relationship ended.

But homosexuality or the banner newspaper headline indicating 1 in  3 women of a certain age group ar Bi, isn't the main reasons why I started this thread. I was in a relationship with a woman who on the one hand was repulsed by the aforementioned, whilst on the other, she had actively engaged in a bi-sexual act on at least two occassions. Was she at odds with herself? Was she on the surface playing the game that everyone expected of her, whilst secretly wanting the opposite?

Anyway, our relationship was turbulent at the best of times. Reflecting after it was over as to why we'd failed, I'd often found myself coming back to the fact that maybe she was unfulfilled. Maybe she couldn't tell me that she needed more out of a relationship. Maybe she couldn't except that she had lesbian needs. Maybe she was living with me for money reasons rather than love. Maybe...........christ I got a brain ache and stopped asking why!

We live in a time when less is expected of us than ever before. 35 years ago if you weren't married by 21, it was a talking point. If you weren't married by 25, you were gay or going to be a spinster! Society wanted us to conform to what was laid down in history. It didn't want us to develop our futures. How many people were married, living together with children, who were secretly suppressing their identities.... at least subconsciously? How many couple were argueing like hell without realising that biologically, they really weren't suited? HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE DOING THE SAME THING TODAY BECAUSE THEY'VE BEEN PROGRAMMED BY THEIR PEER GROUP?

I write in capitals because I believe that now, as then, men and women are trying to conform to preset way of doing things. However modern day living in the 21st century is encouraging people to ask....why! Religion is out and freer living is in! We accept homosexuals, lesbians, cross-dressers, trans, Bi.....whatever as been normal! Then we didn't. Then a lot of people probably had to suppress and hide their true feelings. A lot of people were lying, especially to their nearest and dearest! A great many still have to....I suspect especially those who are Bi-Sexual!

WHY DO YOUNG MEN AND WOMEN EXPECT TO MARRY AND HAVE CHILDREN......BECAUSE THEY'RE TRYING TO CONFORM!

So when I read of peoples troubled issues....especially on here, I wonder if other things are operating subconsciously in their backgrounds! I wonder if they even know! I ask myself if the person concerned who is having relationship difficulties with her man, may not secretly be seeking to detach for reasons she doesn't understand?

My gf was in bed with these two people because she wanted to be! She was driven by the least the fact that she liked/needed to do this! She kept it from me because she new, just as with her family, that I wouldn't approve! She didn't want to look bad in other peoples eyes. But she didn't want to deny herself. She couldn't talk to me about it, she had to live a secret life in part! I was part of her problem!

Although very attractive with all the right things in the.....erm.....right places, I always felt that she was masculine! Not butch, but not very girlie. She didn't like dressing in skirts and heels.....more jeans and jumpers. We clashed a lot over things like this. I was/am a typical programmed man......me man, you woman kind of programme! That's why I wrote that I'm a dinosaur.........but one that's come round the corner and woke up to reality!

No more do I look back at life as to how things should be. I've let go and embraced the future. It's not what has been anymore; it's what it's going to be!

On a seperate note, I don't speak with this girl anymore! Not because of what she did, more because she couldn't give a damn about anyone else but herself! A product of today's living......me, me, me! She used me financially....and then some.....but I let her because I confussed things!

Anonymous:
Onyx,

My thoughts...

(1) Most women get married and have children because they long for marriage and family. Sorry if this sounds simple but I think it is.

(2) I don't think your ex-gf was unfulfilled and therefore promiscuously cheated on you. I think she was unbalanced, unstable, chaotic, and emotionally screwed up. This caused her to "act out" sexually and in other ways.

(3) People with borderline personalities tend to be very exploitive, cruel, and manipulative.

(4) In order to avoid being cheated on in a relationship, you need to find a woman of integrity, honor, and emotional stability.

bunny

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