Author Topic: Hello, glad to have found you all...  (Read 1622 times)

ashya

  • Guest
Hello, glad to have found you all...
« on: August 06, 2004, 12:26:40 AM »
Married a narcissist, left him. Had to deal with him for several years there after. They don't like it when you take control, do they.

I believe my father was also an N.

Now, much to my horror. I work for one. She started working for the company 3 years after I did. I'm gonna ramble here...I can't believe how manipulative they are. Fool that I was. I stood up for myself. I didn't take it. Now I am so close to being fired. She has managed to spin everything -those who see through her are in shock at what she has been able to get away with.

I guess the only comfort I have is that ONE day, soon I hope, I will leave that company and they will be stuck with her.

Can I get some advice? How do you cope with these people in the work place? I don't want to make the same mistake again. Yet I don't want to have to change my life if I run into this situation again...

I feel part of the issues I am having is the knee jerk reaction I have to her because of what I went through with my ex. Oddly enough, she told me all theproblems I was having with her because I made the problem all about me.

I'm so so so... just feel destroyed.

flower

  • Guest
Hello, glad to have found you all...
« Reply #1 on: August 06, 2004, 01:54:37 AM »
Welcome to the message board!

Wow, I don't know what to say about your work situation, but I feel for you.

Anonymous

  • Guest
Hello, glad to have found you all...
« Reply #2 on: August 06, 2004, 07:54:43 AM »
Quote
Now I am so close to being fired.
This sounds like an immediate, practical problem.

Quote
She has managed to spin everything -those who see through her are in shock at what she has been able to get away with.


If it's a situation of you or her (one must go), unless you have facts and proof about some sort of wrong-doing, I suggest you look for another job. And keep a low profile until you find one.

Fighting your boss is not a good idea whether they are an N or not, coz companies tend to believe the boss. It's the way things are, you have to accept inequality and unfairness - or take the consequences.

Even if you do have proof and facts, who will employ you when you have taken your former employer to court? It makes you sound like a 'trouble-maker', whether you are in the right or not. It's so much easier to employ someone else, without that kind of 'record'.

Anonymous

  • Guest
Hello, glad to have found you all...
« Reply #3 on: August 10, 2004, 06:25:56 PM »
Hi Ashya,

I'm still catching up after a time away.  I can really empathize with the N in the workplace problem.  I had a coworker who targetted me from the beginning.  She came on too strong wanting to be friends, she would badmouth the boss to all of us, then flirt with him (he was very susceptible, she was married, I was shocked), and badmouth all of us to him.  "I don't know why they don't like me, boss" then bat the eyelashes.  It really worked!  I was her main competitor (in sales).  So character assassination was the name of the game.  

I thought my performance would be enough to protect me.  Basically it was, although the atmosphere was really polluted with hostility.  I finally quit.  It turned out that upper mgmt was aware of my boss's shortcomings and this was what they needed to dump him--look, you couldn't hold onto one of our top performers.  As for the weirdo, she was told to take a hike by boss's replacement, that is, I'm not here to listen to your crap.  And I learned the only way out of a bad situation with an N is to leave.  (Even her H asked her why she couldn't leave me alone  :shock: !)

In another situation, two Ns teamed up as a formidable power.  They backed each other up to bully workers who didn't cooperate with them.  They were good enough for management to want to hang onto.  

Bottom line is: look to see what your manager's relationship is with upper management.  If it's solid, then you can leave or you can adapt.  If it's shaky, you can decide to wait it out or leave.  But management really frowns on badmouthing the boss.  You will look bad even if you are right.  If it's a serious management issue (boss is hurting the company) and you can document it and get a united front with coworkers who are willing to step forward as a group, you might have a chance to oust her.  But this is really drastic.  Who knows?  Maybe your boss is the CEO's wife's tennis partner or something.  Or they don't really value your dept. or they had trouble finding someone to fill this position.  Look beyond just the two of you to see what upper management sees.  

The only time I know of mutiny working is when a VP was sexually harassing SEVERAL women very openly.  Five female DIRECTORS (IE highly paid management) went to the top together and said this VP is a walking LAWSUIT that will cost the CEO & co. $$$$$$$ if they didn't get rid of him.  This VP was a tight friend of the CEO.  But it worked.  CEO doesn't like losing money unnecessarily.

So unless you can prove that this pain is costing the company money, they'll chalk your problems up to a personality clash.  ON the bright side, sometimes a change is a really great thing.  I left the company that I clung to because it was so "hip" and went on to double my salary and was treated with way more respect at my new job.

Hope this helps.  I agree with Guest who posted below.  Don't bang your head against a brick wall.  Keep a low profile and change jobs while you still have good standing.  Don't look to what will bring her down, look to what will bring you up.  Just wanted to share my experiences with you because this is a big workplace issue.  Also, go to bullying online for a discussion of this behavior in the workplace.  Good luck.