Wow, there's so many responses! Thanks everybody, I don't know if I can respond to everybody but its all very insightful.
Gaining Strength, thanks for the compliments. Honestly, thats the only thing that teacher ever did to me wrong and she didn't have a habit of being unfair to me. In fact, I was probably the teachers pet. I can't think of anybody in my past who wasted my time or lied about it, other than my ex girlfriend... who was a bonified psychopath. I'm sure there is a connection to something... perhaps its the powerlessness that others have mentioned.
Teartracks, you are hitting a nail =) I do believe I might have some Nrage issues, and deep narcissitic wounds. I'll read the article as soon as I'm caught up responding. If I remember, I have one to share to that helped in the past and I should revisit it.
Juno, I never thought of society as having an area wide dysfunction, but it makes complete sense to me. My ex girlfriend was toxic and over the years it made me toxic too. It made me realize my parents were toxic, and probably their parents, and the complex dynamics of relationships just keep these people passing it on all over the place. I never thought about it in from the perspective of a community, but that makes a lot of sense. I sometimes think I was meant for a small tribe like native americans or some such. It seems less damage would have been done when other people around can tack up the slack for others.
Overcomer, yes, the pizza incident was very unfair for her to do. Overall though, this particular teacher was good to me. I have some black and white thinking going on... in every other respect I was probably spoiled.
Towrite, I already mentioned it, but it does seem like powerlessness. I have other issues going on that I didn't mention, but those feelings of having no power are really tough on me. These last years I've been working on taking some of the power back and removing stressors from my life. I'm sure there are things I'm not taking responsibility for. Are there things I can do to add to my comfort? I don't know. Thats where I get weird. I'm melencholic and have a very hard time enjoying things, which doesn't give me an opportunity to relax. I think they would help if I could let go of some of the feelings that keep me distracted.
Gaining Strength, I did feel singled out. I remember every Friday was pizza day, and there was this one kid who always bought a second slice of pizza on that day and I was always jealous. There were always kids who traded and ended up with two pieces. I had asked my mother that morning if I could have money to buy a second piece and she gave me the money and said I could. The teacher overrode my mother. Its just weird that I'd still think about it today. There was much more abuse and humiliation that occurred in my life that never seems to come to mind. Whats up with that? If something so simple is lingering around, what happened to my thoughts and feelings associated with those other events?
Juno, thats some unfair treatment in that story. Kids sure can be cruel. I wish there were things society could do to protect children, seeing as some of us or so sensitive and devastated by things like that.
Gratitude28, I sent her another rude (but informative) email after her phonecall and email, but she responded with a "whatever... drop it... dang." She doesn't seem to recognize her role in the conflict. I think I'll let it go for now. Perhaps my attitude with her recently will make her think twice to give me more helpful info in the future. The president of my company is kinda odd in that he likes to stay out of my conflicts with other people... if anybody should have been complaining to the president it was me. Luckily, this girl is in sales, and is only in the office a couple of hours a week... and I'm the head of my department. She has dropped it for now though, so if it occurs again I'll think harder about an appropriate response. Its hard to do that when I get so angry.
