Elaine,
Reading your last post just catupulted me back to being with XN. I also remember the "kindness" the"hugs" the "promises" and how seductive they were. I know I waited until I was nearly broken before I understood that I was worth more than a few crumbs to set me up for further abuse. My sense is that you so want him to be the person he is acting out at the moment. I almost sacrificed my sanity for those little crumbs mostly because I was afraid of being alone. I was convinced that I could not manage without him, that life would be too scary, this is part of the abuse. If you are anything like me you are watching and waiting right now. This takes up so much energy that it is difficult to have your own life, its like waiting for a ticking bomb to explode. How do you leave him? You leave him by leaving him - so simple and so, so hard. Leaving him means you face the sadness and pain, the loss of what might have been but really never could be.
I came on here before I left XN, knowing I would have to face the truth sooner or later, not wanting to, desperatly wanting to be wrong about him being an N but my gut was right. I wanted to avoid all of the pain and SHAME which was killing me. The irony was that, difficult as it was, it was not as bad as being with him. And there really is life after Ns. I know you can only do what you can do right now. My suggestion to you is to listen to your gut not your head rationalising his behaviour, read and read and read all about Ns, keep up the therapy, build up the most supportive network you can for yourself and pray that you get the strength to know you are worth more than being a plaything for an N.
Thinking of you and wishing you courage,
axa
