Why don't we value people until they are gone or out of our lives?

[Kimberli63]

Dr G, can you tell me why we seem to value people after they have died or one out of our lives? Why don't we appreciate them when they are there? I see this over and over again. It is, as if, in death or when they move on we appreciate people more than when they are living and in our lives.

Kim in Oz

[Overcomer]

I call death the Saint Syndrome.  Suddenly the person did no wrong.  Especially if they died too young or suddenly.

[Certain Hope]

Hi, Kim,

It's simply human nature, I think... to get so wrapped up in our own little worlds that we take others for granted.

But I've had a few warm, fuzzy thoughts and feelings about people who are out of my life now... and those warm fuzzies are totally inappropriate. That's a different phenomenon all together, I think.... a sort of Saint Syndrome, like Kelly said.  It can be really hard to keep the memory picture whole and well-rounded, not letting it slip into a black or white freeze frame. Myself, I'm working on acceptance so that regrets can be put to rest... but the whole process is like one very large, unsettling growing-pain.

Hugs,
Carolyn