so blue I'm purple

[Gaining Strength]

He demanded to stay at the house tonight and to be able to bring his children here. His lawyer pushed me hard but I said No.

Way to go Hops.  That takes so much courage!!! I am so impressed and so proud of you!!!

[seasons]

Hops,

I am not surprised at how well you held yourself.

You are

 strong

 smart

 and most lovingly graceful.

So proud of you, for being "YOU" though this most hurtful time.  Love you, seasons

[sKePTiKal]

Oh Hops - I hope I can learn enough about how to be this strong, for my SELF, from you - fast enough. You did very, very well! and will continue to do so, I believe.

My own family drama began descending last night. But I won't hijack your thread with it...
Congrats again on standing your ground and the good, no - excellent prediction of the outcome from your lawyer.

[Leah]

((((( Hops )))))

Comfort and Peace in the midst of the storm.

Leah x

[Hopalong]

Thanks, y'all, true thanks...I am not kidding about the crowd of invisible Amazons!

Amber, no such thing as a hijack on any thread of mine--what happened?
If you're ready to share, it's welcome here. Or wherever you like.

love to all,
Hops

[towrite]

I am so glad you stood your grounds about him staying in your house. No matter what looks good for you legally, it wouldn't do you any good if you're in pieces -- which is what would've happened if you'd backed down. Way to go, girl.

[Hopalong]

Holy moly.
Just got the letter from my brother's lawyer and guess what, boys and girls?
After Mom's mastectomy, seems my brother took her to a lawyer and got her to write ANOTHER will.

I knew nothing about it.

Now, instead of inheriting the house, I inherit 2/3 of the house. That sounds nice but completely impossible, because there's no way I can afford to buy him out.

Oh well. I'm waiting for my lawyer's call.

So, Nmom had another secret, and once again, triangulated with my brother...and, he is demanding in his counter-offer that he and his family be allowed to stay at the house when they want to.

I'll
be
damned 

sigh,
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Oh, I'm soooooo sorry hops!
This will, certainly complicates things - but I'm going to trust in the wisdom of the legal system for you...

I'm going to hope that given all the other crap your brother's dreamed up to torment you with, that they'll find a way to invalidate this second will.... I hope, I hope, I hope! It's all just pure meanness on his part. WEENIE!

[Leah]

Holy moly.
Just got the letter from my brother's lawyer and guess what, boys and girls?
After Mom's mastectomy, seems my brother took her to a lawyer and got her to write ANOTHER will.

I knew nothing about it.

Now, instead of inheriting the house, I inherit 2/3 of the house. That sounds nice but completely impossible, because there's no way I can afford to buy him out.

Oh well. I'm waiting for my lawyer's call.

So, Nmom had another secret, and once again, triangulated with my brother...and, he is demanding in his counter-offer that he and his family be allowed to stay at the house when they want to.

I'll
be
damned 

sigh,
Hops

Hi Hops,

I think that you receiving a letter today is really odd -- How come the lawyer never brought this matter to everyone's attention during yesterday's meeting?   Especially, given that he, your brother, requested to stay in the house

I do feel that your brother's determination to get 'into' the house -- as family members staying/living there whenever they want to -- is a significant move in regard to making a claim for certain rights later on.

Your mother had just had an operation -- how long ago? -- obviously, post operative state of health, especially given the nature of the operation, and he seemingly, maybe, coerced her under duress?

Hops, you have given tender loving care to your mother for the last 10 years, while during this time he has enjoyed a relatively stress free life with his family -- knowing that his mother is well cared for.

Counter-claim his self entitlement claim to the 1/3 -- with 10 years life care given.  Which would be fair and reasonable, which he clearly, is not.  Has he ever said "thank you" to you for looking after his mother?

Just my thoughts, as your brother is so annoying and seeming, appears to be quite cold and callous even.

I don't like his lawyer's tactics of sending this letter the SAME day as the meeting -- during which time you were evidently harangued by your brother and simply had to set your personal boundary of NO to his demand for him and his family to stay, as they please, in the house which after all said and done, has been your home for the last ten years.

Which is sneaky, indeed.

My FOO siblings would do the same sort of thing to me, of that I can be sure.

Their primary goal and thought in life, is material possession.

Love, Leah

[Hopalong]

Thank you, Leah. You've certainly got his number.

Actually, I hadn't realized the new will was attached to the letter, and it looks real. And I don't know any more whether my brother was there with her, as her morning companion is on it as a witness. So Mom may have done it on her own.

One way, my brother stabs me in the back.
The other, both of them did.

So either way, it doesn't feel good.

At the moment, I feel like leaving her there to rot. A few little remarks she's made now make sense. I do think she probably knew what she was doing. Not sure, and I don't know whether it's contestable or not...probably not.

I absolutely will not yield on opening the house to them, however. Whether I live there for two months or 5 years more, he is not coming in.

sadly,
Hops

[Izzy_*now*]

I'm so sorry, hops

but stick to your guns, and I see the possibility for a counter-claim for all your years of attention and caring.

I am angry at your brother AND your mother!

[Ami]

Oh Hops,
 Life can take so many unexpected ( and unwanted ) turns--Blech!
 I am so sorry.
 With my H, his sister is inheriting 75% of a huge amount of money and my H and his B, a small sum, comparitively.
 It is so "bad' in familes, sometimes. I am sorry, Hops.          Ami

(((((((Hops)))))

[ann3]

Hi Hops,

Haven't been around for a while, but saw your post and wanted to say this:

First, I am so sorry to hear about this 'new' will.

As far as allowing your bro to stay in the house, ask your lawyer about "possession being 9/10ths of the law".  In other words, you physically reside there and he does not.  Therefore, I think you have the right of possession and conversly, the right to exclude those you do not want.

As far as his 1/3rd, he has nothing now because your mother is still alive.  Assuming the 'new' will is valid, he will only own 1/3rd after she dies, but right now, he owns nada.

If this will is valid, then you will proly need to have house appraised (& he will fight you on the appraisal).  But, fornow, you yourself could get a ballpark idea of it's value and then eventually get a mortgage for the amount you may need to buy him out.  So, the idea is if the house is worth $100, you get a motgage for 1/3rd ($33) and then give him that $ and this way you buy him out.  So, maybe it would be a good idea to see where you could get the lowest motgage interest rate and this will give you an idea of what your monthly payment would be for that mortgage amount of 1/3rd of the value.

Contesting the validity of the will could be costly.  Do you think it's a valid will?  What does your lawyer say?

If your mother truly did this 1/3rd and 2/3rd thing, then she probably envisioned that you would have to sell when she passes.  I'm so sorry, but, I know you will make it through this.

ann

[Gaining Strength]

Hops - I'm not surprised that he had a card up his sleeve.  Whether he was with your mother or not he was definitely in on it with her because he knew there was another will.  You will be able to figure out part of what happened based on the date of the will.

Can you talk to her morning companion who signed the will?  And no more talk about contesting the will,  how about talking to your mother about revising this latest will.  Do you think it would surprise her to see his legal petition to be allowed to stay in the house?  You know your mother - how can you approach her to get things worked out in a way that will be feasible for you?  No one wins if the house is divided 1/3 - 2/3 - especially when you and your brother are at odds.  It would be difficult at best if you got along swimmingly to handle a house divided between two differing odds.  One will want to sell it when another doesn't.  One will argue about the timing another will have needs for money when the other would like to hold out for a better market and on and on.  Splitting the house that way is a no win situation for both of you.  Do you think you or anyone your mother would listen to can approach her about that?  Do you know the lawyer who drew up the will?

[Hopalong]

Thanks, Amazons.

Just had a good bawl. One of my pal promises to save me a packing crate to live in. (We have sick senses of humor.)

The will appears to be valid and my mother appears to have too much dementia to be able to change it.

Yes, she intended to force the sale, which means all my pleas to be able to plan to stay meant nothing to her.

She even said to me once, "Well, the neighbors here expect a certain level of decor, and I don't think you can do that."

It is not worth fighting. I will just have to get another mortgage to buy out my brother if I can, and if not, we'll sell.

It's still sinking in. My daughter's devastated.

On some level I recognize that my MOTHER does not want me to be happy and stay in her house. If she can't have it, nobody will...is the sense I once had.

And now I think that was right intuition.

Right now, I can't imagine fighting. I just have to figure out how to raise the money. This town is so incredibly expensive that if I can't buy him out and stay here, I'll wind up in a very unsafe kin of neighborhood, as I won't be able to afford anything else.

It will take time, but right now I can't forgive her for this. I guess I had a shred of denial left about the degree of her disregard for me.

But it's gone now.

OW
OW
OW

love and thank you.

Hops