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Anonymous:
I was a member under another username,but could never get or stay logged in under that name, so i'm not trying to hide my identity.

haven't posted for a long time, but visit and read.  just visited tonight, as i'm in crisis right now and thought this board would be a good place to get opinions, support, advice - whatever - as it's been in the past.

after reading the flame wars, tho...not going to even bother to disclose anything or join in, as this is beginning to sound like the convos i have with my N...accusation after accusation, venom spewed upon venom...it makes my heart feel sick.

i know i won't be missed, but...i've got enough problems in my REAL life to ask for help from people who are hellbent on accusing, name-calling, having to be "right", etc.  i'm not pointing fingers at ANYONE, just the general tone here, that seems to have deteriorated terribly since i joined.

all i really want to say is - this has been (in the past) and could be a place of support, empathy, learning, sharing, growth, etc., but IMHO, it is not, at this point, even a SAFE place to share or disclose.  

there are people here i truly appreciate, and people who may benefit from some other kind of board.  i'm not smart or egotistic enough to try to sort it out, but, to those of you who've contributed to the current tone of this board, thank you very much from an individual who is in extreme crisis....and now has lost one more resource.

thanks to everyone, and you'll be in my thoughts.

bobbie

allusedup:
oh, for God's sake!  i logged in as "allusedup" and ended up with my post attributed to "Guest" - at least i signed my name.  

just one more frustration.

bobbie

PS:  i thought this board was for vulnerable, abused, hurt, searching people to share and learn with others and possibly grow personally and as a community.  sorry, but all i see right now is another chance to be hurt and/or abused.

if anyone feels the need to take issue with my feelings or opinions, feel free.  i cannot be hurt any more than i've already been.

~~~~~
For Mom
"...Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends"~~1st Corinthians 13

Anonymous:
bobbi:

if you want to leave that is your choice. I say that kindly. I hope you don't leave because it really looks like you could use the support here and I'd like to see you get it.

There are plenty of other support and positive threads on this very board to become involved in. Support hasn't stopped at all bobbi.  

Post whatever you need to regarding your crises and i know you will be helped as you always have been.

Just stay away from threads that make you feel bad. It will be like they don't even exist.   Out of sight-out of mind.

Can I say that you are giving others too much control over the way you feel. why would you leave because of discussions that have nothing to do with you?  

Just steer clear and stay with the postitive here. it will all blow over and you'll have left for nothing. besides there isn't a board i'm aware of that doesn't have conflict from time to time. you won't find one.  it's just par for the course and sometimes things need to be ironed out.

hope you'll take your power back and stay  :)

allusedup:

--- Quote from: Anonymous ---bobbi:

Just stay away from threads that make you feel bad. It will be like they don't even exist.   Out of sight-out of mind.
--- End quote ---


You're right. my worry is that if i post (and i've seen it happen to others) anyone could just jump in and create controversy, which i do not need.


--- Quote from: Anonymous ---Can I say that you are giving others too much control over the way you feel. why would you leave because of discussions that have nothing to do with you?
--- End quote ---


i'm open to any comment, and you're correct about me giving my power away (story of my life  :x). this is something my therapist and i have been working on diligently - i know it's one of the roots of my problem (i'm very, very well trained, but in the process of untraining/retraining) and believe it or not, i'm better than i used to be (that's a scary thought!).

you're also correct that discussions already in progress have nothing to do with me directly. however, right or wrong, they color my feelings about the safety of the board in general.  i know all boards have their arguments, but maybe i wasn't clear in my OP - some of the posts i've read lately seem to be echo the thought processes, language, need to be "right", denial of voice, etc., that are the "highlights" of my experiences with my N. sorry, but it just pushes my "hot" buttons. and yes, i realize this is my problem, not any other member's.


--- Quote from: Anonymous ---Just steer clear and stay with the postitive here. it will all blow over and you'll have left for nothing.
--- End quote ---


i don't intend to leave at this point. i'm sure things will calm down, for all members' sakes.  there is always valuable information here, written by intelligent, searching, growing people.  there are some, because of  my perception of their behavior (sorry, i'm american  :wink: ) i would not be comfortable receiving opinions and/or advice from if i posted my situation.  that's not meant to be a "blaming" statement, it only has to do with my perceptions and my feelings.

thanks for responding, Guest. your post was calm and factual, and i'm glad you reminded me to quit giving control over my feelings to others - i really need that reminder as often as i can get it.  

sorry i made my OP, i'm just operating on "crisis" mode and since i (again, not blaming others, just my own feeling) felt i couldn't post what i wanted to, i just got in on this thread to post my own feelings of helplessness and continued voicelessness.  

all apologies....

bobbie

Feline:
Hi

I agree with Allused up,life makes no sense there is no reasons for the cruelties we endure. There are no satisfactory explanations.
There is not many havens in this world that exist that narcissists do not infiltrate. These kinds of places need moerarators and protectors who are acutely aware of the word games and tactics narcissists use to  gain emotional control over  an expressive social mileu.
Sometimes being positive does not change the problem. Because positivity alone and self choosing,does nothing to confront the problem person who causes the problems..
The problem is a person who cannot let others be  is seeking to control a group and wants to set the tone of what can and cannot be said.

All used up seems to need to cry to say her pain and be heard.
Her first two thread responses were bullshit, thee way they were so oblivious to All used up's pain  They could have been written by narcissists.
They were not listening to all used up, it was discounting and dehumanizing of what her voice was expressing about herself and her space in her heart...

When people say crap like the first two responses on this thread  to people in pain speaking up,it's sick. When people say platitudes  like it's up to you to choose not to feel the way you feel ect.. it's not help.It has nothing to do with  listening to thier voice  say anymore..It's about controlling by putting it all on the speaker that they alone are the source of all thier own suffering.THis is new age bullshit pull yourself up by your bootstraps crap.Sometimes that can sentiment  can apply to a situation  sometimes it does not. You have to be willing to LISTEN to someone before you tell them advice,and if they don't want it,get over yourself....A person wants someone else  uses advice or insult to tell someone else to not use thier voice to express thier own  pain they are a narcissist ,emotionally immature,self absorbed know it all,or emotionally overwhemed..

Suffering is unpleasent to hear. And alot of people do alot of crap that does not help  to avoid hearing the suffering.

Allusedup:

Don't let anyone else here belittle your voice and expeerinces and tell you you are not supposed to feel as you do...They can't feel you if they think they are entitled to  tell you how to feel, what you should say or what is or is not healthy for you.
A nacissist is what does that kind of thing  to people ,a narcissist can't stand someone else being who they are,and feeling as they feel without getting defensive,competitive, threatened or trying to drown out what you say/feel with distractions,insults platitudes or some other nonsense.

They are NOT you and  because they are not you they do not have authority or insight into you like you have,to tell you hoe to feel or use your vooice..~ever~.

Other people  are not living your life  as you experincing what you faced as you do,and because they are not you  they have no business telling you what hurts you or what is worth expressing for you,and what sanity or emotional intensity is for you or telling you what  is not 'appropriate'to say  if you are not being a bully and trying to control how others express thier voices..

Allusedup,I hear you,I hear your hurt too. and I will listen to what you say, and I won't run away or discount your experinces,you know what you feel and I cannot tell you what you should be.I can't be that arrogant to you  it sickens me..

If you just need to be heard,I'm here..That is the least I can do.
I won't try to fix anything , if advice isn't what you say you need from me.I can't change you..I can only comment on what I hear you say about yourself ,and sometimes I can hear what you say  wrong..It 's up to you how you want to use this place.But I can listen and that is something sometimes  people who claim to be good listeners  refuse to do,even on a board about being voiceless and finding your voice again ..

Sometimes people's voices cry out for want of compassion,sometimes they want aknowlegement,sometimes they want emotional or intellectual verification of what they see,sometimes they want someone to share with them, sometimes it's just pain.All of these voices are legit  expressions and worth being sounded and heard.It is the narcissist deafining us.And full blown narcissists interfere with healing as they go on  jockeyinging for positions of popularity to get in of contol of  groups of people..
It is the narciusist who tries everything mindgame  he can to stifle the voices of others he does not like to hear  to make them silent or be a voice that sings his tune only..

Only than can he create the appearance and illusion of  security  that soothes the savage egotist,that domination illusion/ manipulation,blame the person for thier own shortcomings and pain game that he uses to tell himself  he is in control of the painful  thoughts and feelings inside himself.He does this thought control by controlling the emotions, thoughts and feelings,and expressions of that others have inside them from being heard ,he supresses what he denies is in him by silencing it  in others around around him. A bully cannot stand anyone else expressing weakness and pain around him  because he is weak,in pain and  so afraid of himself he won't dare aknowlege it is  in his own heart too. So he lies to himself ,and bullies  to keep  up the appearance of self control and power.So to keep his lie intact  he won't let anyone else aknowlege your weakness pain or emotional voice.
He won't let others be who they are,unless they are like him...or willing to tailor who they are and what they express about themselves  to fit his demands so that the power he uses may not be seen as hollow and the truth that he is miserable small,and has no control leaks out..and his popularity evaporates as  the group consiousness changes to the point he has no cuulture for company and either must leave the group and go find another that tolerates him  or change himself.
He'd rather live his  lie and trip his own ego more often than not.

And I do detect a few narcissistic tendancies inpeople here. Just ignore them if you see them and seek out compatible compassionate  people who'll listen to ya..

Take Care Ok?

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