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Author Topic: Almost Guilted  (Read 5015 times)

Overcomer

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Almost Guilted
« on: April 11, 2008, 07:32:53 PM »
My cousin had a baby-his wife is the former druggie.  They are having a dedication for the baby tonight.  My aunt told me a couple days ago but I decided to not go unless he himself called me.  He and his wife make NO effort for anyone else.  they think the world revolves around them.  So he calls TODAY and tells us it is important to them to have family there.  Well my mom called me twice to see if I planned to go.  I told her no but out came the guilt proven by the second call. 
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Kelly

"The Best Way Out is Through........and try laughing at yourself"

dandylife

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Re: Almost Guilted
« Reply #1 on: April 11, 2008, 07:49:20 PM »
Hi Overcomer,

Isn't it frustrating to be pulled into someone's unhealthy ecology? I say ecology because it's behavior that affects others. "Aware" or self-aware or other-aware people do ecology checks to see how their behavior will affect others - then proceed with caution.

I think it's totally okay to speak your boundary. "I need at least 48 hours to work things into my schedule, barring emergencies, of course! Have a lovely time!"

Don't allow them to pull you in to the drama. If they complain about you, and you get wind of it, simply repeat your mantra. "I need 48 hours to work things into my schedule, barring emergencies of course!" Smile and breeze away. Certain and in control. They will respect you for it. Don't back down or be defensive or make excuses for your behavior.

I'm with ya'.....

Dandylife
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"All things not at peace will cry out." Han Yun

"He who angers you conquers you." - Elizabeth Kenny

Overcomer

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Re: Almost Guilted
« Reply #2 on: April 11, 2008, 07:57:08 PM »
Yes!  Well after the second call I jumped up and started brushing my teeth to get ready to go.  Then I stopped myself and called my mom.  I asked her to do me a favor-she said what defensively.  I said please to make us out as the bad guys.  She said she was surprised that I would think that.  She said what do you want me to say?  I told her THE TRUTH!  That with the short notice my d could not change her plans and that I fell and hurt myself!
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Kelly

"The Best Way Out is Through........and try laughing at yourself"

Overcomer

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Re: Almost Guilted
« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2008, 08:01:59 PM »
But she knows I am put out with that couple.  We have family gatherings like on Easter and they are no shows.  They do not join us for dinner after church but if they do then they want others to pay-then when they know others are paying-they order apps.  You call them they never answer OR return the call.  When she had her baby her mom was in town but my aunt took a week off to watch the 2 Year old then wanted to take sick leave for that time.
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Kelly

"The Best Way Out is Through........and try laughing at yourself"

Ami

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Re: Almost Guilted
« Reply #4 on: April 11, 2008, 10:45:44 PM »
(((((((((Kelly))))))))))))
 It sounds like quite a cast of characters, Kelly.You just need to try to keep your own counsel and your own sanity.                       Love   Ami
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No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Overcomer

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Re: Almost Guilted
« Reply #5 on: April 12, 2008, 08:11:49 AM »
It is funny.  My bro has resented our aunt and her family for years.  I have always defended them until my aunt started working for us and she was so defensive and could not take any direction.  She cried to my mom and had the my bookkeeper demoted.  She got a huge raise that we could not afford.  Her son whined to us to get rid of an employee that worked there 7 Years and then put his notice in after she left leaving us high and dry!
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Kelly

"The Best Way Out is Through........and try laughing at yourself"

Overcomer

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Re: Almost Guilted
« Reply #6 on: April 12, 2008, 08:46:14 AM »
The family dynamics are maddening!
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Kelly

"The Best Way Out is Through........and try laughing at yourself"

Ami

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Re: Almost Guilted
« Reply #7 on: April 12, 2008, 11:17:41 AM »
Yes, Kelly, I can see that your family dynamics could be "crazy-making", to say the least! Your only solution would be to be in your own "space "(emotionally),with your own sanity(IMO) .      Love   Ami
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No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Overcomer

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Re: Almost Guilted
« Reply #8 on: April 12, 2008, 03:14:11 PM »
Believe it or not I applied for a waitress job.  It is an upscale place where I am sure I would make very good tips.  I just cannot wrap my arms around working with these crazy women anymore.
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Kelly

"The Best Way Out is Through........and try laughing at yourself"

Ami

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Re: Almost Guilted
« Reply #9 on: April 12, 2008, 05:19:31 PM »
Dear Kelly,
 I could see how you would feel  'cukoo",in the midst of your family. I am trying to live my life  not enmeshed with others. It is really, really hard, Kelly.         Love   Ami
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No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Hopalong

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Re: Almost Guilted
« Reply #10 on: April 12, 2008, 09:31:20 PM »
Kel...
I LOVED being a waitress.

If I had a good back I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

It's like a gym membership, plus banter, plus nurturing, plus tips!

Hops
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"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Overcomer

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Re: Almost Guilted
« Reply #11 on: April 13, 2008, 12:03:28 AM »
Well I sent them an email and I have had no response.  I think they may think I am too old.  I worry about my back as well but I think part of my bad back has to do with the stress of working in a failing business with a woman who drives me crazy and her leachy sister!
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Kelly

"The Best Way Out is Through........and try laughing at yourself"

Ami

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Re: Almost Guilted
« Reply #12 on: April 13, 2008, 09:10:49 AM »
Thinking of you, Kelly. Sending prayers and good thoughts your way, Sweetie.       Love   Ami
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No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

seasons

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Re: Almost Guilted
« Reply #13 on: April 13, 2008, 11:01:12 AM »
Good luck Kelly,

You need a break, a change, get away. Good for you on taking a step in the right direction.

Thinking of you. seasons
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"Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak Kindly. Leave the Rest to God."
Maya Angelou

Overcomer

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Re: Almost Guilted
« Reply #14 on: April 13, 2008, 11:26:43 AM »
Thank you.  I was crying today because I am just so upset about the way my life is going.  I yelled at my H yesterday!  Really yelled!  I just cannot take the sinking ship I am on.
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Kelly

"The Best Way Out is Through........and try laughing at yourself"
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