I grew up with (I think he might be considered) an Narcissist dad. MY mom is extremely passive. I married a narcisssist (way off the scale) and stayed 4 years.
(Sorry - not very good at explaing this)
I feel like I'm emotionally caught in the cycle with myself.
My dad was / is highly intelligent (thus I am stupid). His was is right. His opinions are right (ours were wrong). His assessment of a situation is right (not ours). So right, in fact that there was really never any discussion or debate in our house. Period. Everything was as he said it was.
My husband was everything wonderful that I wanted in a spouse. Until I married him. Turns out he had a double life (as in another wife and kids, girlfriends etc) basically I woke up one day (and two kids later) and found that the entire 6 years I spent with him was a farce. He is a high roller and a major MNC and we went through a huge long divorce and I was left with nothing - and had to move in with my parents.
So I spent years trying to divorce an N (who played the I-have-more-money-than-you game) wile living with an N parent (gee hard to be a confident adult in your N parent home. Tense situation.
Now I'm divorced, the N ex has pretty much disappeared (he lives out of the country) and I have learned to deal with him. My N father, well - it is OKAY.
There are Ns that come into our life and will always be there. Sometime you can't get away before they suck you in (as in a boss or close relative). I feel like I can spot them, have an adverse reaction to them, but on one hand intellectually know that I am an equal, emotionally I revert back to a preteen kid who can't adeqately deal with this kind of situation. That gives the N something to feed off of and everything blows up. AT ME. And because of their overbearing personality and ability to deflect from themselves my attempts to stand up for myself look like well, hysteria.
How do I get a grip and divorce myself from them. How do I stand up for myself? The answer might be that I SHOULDN'T. That is painful too. I was the shy, quiet VOIECLESS kid and wife and I don't want that anymore.
I'm finding my reaction is to keep everyone at arms length. I'm realizing that my emotional response isn't working and I don't know what to do. Or how to change it.
