Author Topic: I Gotta Fail  (Read 2018 times)

gratitude28

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I Gotta Fail
« on: April 22, 2008, 11:47:04 AM »
I am trying to kill my Fail-O-Meter.
It pops up when I am doing well... and when I am not doing well.
I am changing my eating habits now. I am making lots of little, good changes in my life. But they start to scare me. When the scale drops, I might be motivated, or I might want to run out and eat a bag of chips. If it doesn't move, same reaction.
It isn't just about diet - it is a life thing.
Likewise, I feel if I don't take the most difficult route to do something. I did not do it right. Using diet as an example again, I can't just cut back and make nice changes to more fruits, veggies, etc... If I am not eating one head of iceburg lettuce with a misting of vinegar as my only sustenance, I feel I am not doing it 'right.'
How does one learn to live moderately and be happy with it? I am doing it, but I am feeling confused and out of sorts.
Love, Beth
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

Overcomer

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Re: I Gotta Fail
« Reply #1 on: April 22, 2008, 11:51:17 AM »
Hi Beth!  I am laughing hysterically!  You are me-I am you!  A head of lettuce with a misting of vinegar!  You crack me up!
Kelly

"The Best Way Out is Through........and try laughing at yourself"

Gaining Strength

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Re: I Gotta Fail
« Reply #2 on: April 22, 2008, 12:15:41 PM »
It sounds like perfectionism Grat, setting the bar so high that you can't make it. 
Perfectionism can kill, it certainly maims and destroys.
Wonder where the message "not good enough" came from?
Whose voice is it?

towrite

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Re: I Gotta Fail
« Reply #3 on: April 22, 2008, 12:42:29 PM »
Deprivation is scary. I'm not a fruit fan -  :lol: - but I do like my raw veggies, inspired with Mediterranean seasonings. It's the taste I crave. I have a bad cold right now - head & chest - and smoking isn't appetizing. Scary to think of taking this opp to quit.
"An unexamined life is a wasted life."
                                  Socrates
Time wounds all heels.

Iphi

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Re: I Gotta Fail
« Reply #4 on: April 22, 2008, 01:01:34 PM »
lol Beth - I hate iceberg lettuce.  Omg mist up some baby spinach at least woman!   :lol:

But seriously, are you reading my mind?  I am thinking a lot these days about how in certain places in my life there is a lot of anxiety.  And what will happen is - the anxiety of performance will build - and then I will do something to sabotage the performance - and what I think I am doing is - ending the anxiety.  Ending the suspense of the anxiety and dread.

But on the other hand, that loop - perfection-performance anxiety- sabotage - it used to be more closed and brutal for me, with less awareness of what was going on.
And it was so, so painful to get my hopes up time and again and always - brutally dashed.

Makes me want to work smart, instead of working hard.  
Character, which has nothing to do with intellect or skill, can evolve only by increasing our capacity to love, and to become lovable. - Joan Grant

Ami

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Re: I Gotta Fail
« Reply #5 on: April 22, 2008, 01:33:43 PM »
Perfectionism and shame go hand in hand.They are killers and we MUST get to the root and unearth it.It is crucial(IMO).     Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Izzy_*now*

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Re: I Gotta Fail
« Reply #6 on: April 22, 2008, 03:05:36 PM »
Yesterday, I was talking with a gal I hadn't seen for 8 years here. We volunteered together, back in 2000. She is looking great and told me the same. Discussing skin, I said that I didn't know I was to wrinkle from smoking so I didn't. At 69 I am not wrinkled at all. I smoke 4 cigarettes a day and am so afraid if I stop completely, my face will fall to the ground.

Living alone, not having to cook for someone else, I can buy what I want and eat it when I choose. With salads/veggies, I don't like to see them go bad, so I have plenty of that  I don't buy sweets, although there are occasions that I do, feeling it won't hurt, and I watch out for prepared foods, as they are a boon to the single eater, but full of ...what?

I must keep my weight down because I have so little exercise. I realize now that the crutch walking was good for me, a good exercise for 34 years, also making the bed.  5 years without crutches I see a difference and my bed has not been really made since there are 3 pillows shoved under the sheets for elevating my legs. (Looks like a dead body, and I just close the door if someone is coming.)

It's a battle for many people.
« Last Edit: April 22, 2008, 03:08:50 PM by Izzy_*now* »
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

Gabben

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Re: I Gotta Fail
« Reply #7 on: April 22, 2008, 04:06:28 PM »
Hi Beth,

Hang in there -- I've been there too! Part of what helped me to take better care of me and what gave me the peace for self discipline was the washing out of my old guilt, the neurotic stuff and the actual guilt. Whenever I see myself self sabotaging I turn again to my amends and check to see if I have any that can be made that I have not made yet.

Clean house, trust God and help others is the program that works for all of our problems and that is a Big Book promise....it has worked for me.

Blessings,
Lise

axa

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Re: I Gotta Fail
« Reply #8 on: April 23, 2008, 02:28:28 AM »
Beth,

So with you around the food.  I think I set up the goal and then when I realise I cannot do it perfectly I sabotage myself with my father's voice which says "You can never finish anything or do anything right"  BUT he is wrong.  I finish many things but I struggle with food.  I had a thought the other day that if I could I would eat all day long.  I know it has little to do with food more with the numbing effect I feel when I eat.  I rarely feel hungry, even when I do not eat for a long period.  I am trying to not focus so much on the food these days but more on exercise and the great feeling I get when I stand in the shower having had a work out.

Moving along this path with you, slowly

love

axa

lighter

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Re: I Gotta Fail
« Reply #9 on: April 23, 2008, 11:03:48 AM »
Eating habits, for me....

are about my emotional health.

If I'm busy and happy..... food isn't even on my list of things to do.

If I'm struggling and emotionally compromised....

food becomes something I medicate myself with as a coping tool.

I don't even try to address the eating habits when I'm in that dark place.

It's about getting myself into a better place emotionally.

Going back to positive coping strategies and self care rituals.....

mindfully putting them back in place and paying attention to them.

Lighter




towrite

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Re: I Gotta Fail
« Reply #10 on: April 23, 2008, 12:29:28 PM »
lol, Izzy - I'm picturing your face on the ground and laughing 'cuz you're too funny.
"An unexamined life is a wasted life."
                                  Socrates
Time wounds all heels.

gratitude28

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Re: I Gotta Fail
« Reply #11 on: April 25, 2008, 10:22:50 AM »
Thanks Guys!
This turned into mainly about food issues, but for me it's also little things - like even playing games. I feel I have to follow the rules PERFECTLY. You know how families have their own rules for games? Like in our family we put money in the middle of the Monopoly board... I feel like that is so WRONG, even though I like the game that way. I feel like I must do everything the hard way. I don't feel I have exercised unless I am a quivering heap of pain.
BUT... I AM making progress. I am setting some checks and balances. I do exercise most days now (walks, trampoline, fishing, etc). And I do eat better overall. And I try to enjoy my games (I play a lot of poker - no bending the rules there!!!).
Love, Beth
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams