Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Adult Siblings Who Were Raised in Narcissitic Families
Ishana:
Greetings everyone!
I am wondering if we could have a conversation about relationships between brothers and sisters who have grown up together in dysfunctional, narcissistic households? My questions would be: What are your experiences related to this subject? How were your relationships with your siblings when you were young? How about now that you're adults? What have you found to be helpful in improving your relationships with your brothers and sisters?
I look forward to your responses.
Ishana
flower:
Hi Ishana!
My only living sibling is a flaming N and it is hopeless to do anything about it.
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Thanks so much for your insight and support.
It aided my healing. Too much of my heart
was in this post to let it remain here for posterity on the web.
The post served its purpose and now it is time to
edit it or gently take it down.
To every thing there is a season, and a time
to every purpose under the heaven: Ecclesiates 3:1
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MadameButterfly:
Hi Ishana,
I grew up in a home with an Nmom. My dad had to travel a lot for his job which left my brother and I do cling to each other for support and protection against her evil doings. We were extremely close growing up. We always stood up for each other and supported each other. Neither one of us has had contact with our mother for years. Today we are really good friends who count on each other for whatever we need. He is a blessing to me, a brother and a friend. We are lucky because we have the same understanding about what really went on in our home. We ended the cycle. I'm not sure if this helps you or not. What is the situation with your siblings?
Madame Butterfly
Anonymous:
Nice topic!
There were four of us, three older girls and the younger son. The girls knew, especially the two older ones, that we were created by accident, for my parents wanted sons to pass on teh family name. I could go on a bit about that, but it would not be positive in nature. I am the oldest.
We all have our survival methods of self actualization. My next younger sister and I have had extensive counseling over the years. She started in her early 20s, and I started in my late 40s. I am not needing it now except only occasionally as a "booster" but she is in it still on a weekly basis. She has a tendency to be bossy; it is a way she relates to love in some respect. I read about it in something Dr. GRossman wrote. (I also read about me, for in my younger years I was completely submissive, the quiet one who moved in and out with out notice. ) This sister has not been able to maintain a relationship due to the bossy behavior. She lives near mother and daddy and is angry because she ends up taking care of mother and did daddy before he died. She cannot tolerate though someone else doing it.
My youngest sister could sing beautifully as a child, thus got loads of love and attention when she, with her curly hair bobbing, performed in front of anyone who came to see us. It was phenominal to watch the attention, love, and admiration from parents and wonder why I did not get any. When the son got older, the attention for her abruptly stopped. She has not figured it out yet I am sorry to say. So, now, she has substituted a Heavenly Father for our earthly parent's attention. She sings and preaches fundamentalist Christianity to whomever will listen. I have seen her literally take the headphones off of a stranger in a waiting room at the hospital and sing to him...he ws horrified. I had to leave the room laughing.
The son walks on water as far as decesased father and living mother are concerned. He was a multi millionaire at age 6 and my first child was a welfare baby. You get the idea. Money was love and power in my birth family.
We siblings do love each other, but as far as respecting our individual methods of survival in this earth, well, not all understand each other's methods. Taht makes it challenging. The son has trouble with one sister who bosses him a bit, but they are more alike though than the rest of us. I will not tolerate the younger sister's version of Christianity thrust at me so I stay clear. She is bitchy one minute and prays for your soul the next. Lots of internal anger. The bossy sister is truly trying to understand but so far has not, but she is getting there. THe son I feel has very N tendencies and is living through his own son for he talks of him incessently and not a lot about his daughter unless she is some sort of top achiever in some area. All think I am a bit odd, for I am going my own way at this point in life for it is all that will work for me. I am the only one that has her own lawyer, own faith, own accountant system, and own values. When I made some changes, the others had much trouble understanding what I was doing and becamed threatened or something by the changes. Mother really did. It was a problem for me, until I finally got strong enough in owning my true self so as not to let it affect me. I still have to work at this sometimes.
Mother asked me the other day, " How come your children turned out better than mine did?" She was being very serious. I was voiceless momentarily, then said, "I simply listened to them."
Enough said.
Freetobeme
Anonymous:
I have a lot of siblings. In my family, my mother is supposed to be the conduit. We aren't supposed to talk to each other, but only through her. This is an unspoken rule, not stated outright. So we don't talk to each other that much because if my mom finds out, she sulks and makes us feel guilty. So we're still under her control in some ways. We get along except for one rageaholic sibling who is quite difficult.
bunny
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