Entitlement to Feelings

[Ami]

I was thinking about GS's thread about entitlement to feelings. I need to feel and own my feelings. It is the "I" of us. I have to own them ,if I am going to be  a"person", not amorphous. Does anyone relate to this?       Ami

[Gaining Strength]

That is so funny (odd) to log in and see your thread because I have been working sooo hard to change my feelings, because my feelings are all shame driven anxiety and fear and kick in the stomach dread and sometimes anger.  All of these are driven by the shame that does not belong to me.  When I get rid of this stuff THEN I get to actually experience MY feelings.

It reminds me of a time when I was in college and I first heard the term "be yourself" and I remember being completely baffled - having NO idea of who "myself" was so that I could be her.  Little did I know then that I was so far removed from myself - I was a person in utter conflict - the definition of neurotic - bound by rules and obligation and the desire to meet this form established by my father. Not even aware that I was trying to fit some form or image that my father described I was completely unconscious that the ideals he set were filled with contradiction, that to get one part correct meant that the other part could not be achieved - the ideal was impossible but the consequence was humiliation and sabotage.  How could I be myself, the only myself I know was humiliation and was sabotaged (no success possible.)  Who would want to be that?  Not me.  I simply wouldn't want to be myself or know my own feelings if myself was the person demanded by my parents.

Well that's not what you expected.  I suppose this was something of a hijack.  I didn't mean to do that.  Hope you will excuse me.

[Ami]

No,No, No hijack, GS. That was a wonderful post!   Love   Ami

PS Entitlement to feelings is having OUR feelings,not what we are supposed to have, what we DO have. That is the clincher, who are we really, w/out fear or people pleasing. That is the *I* of us.

[Chamomile]

This is a thoguht-provoking thread.  I am so confused right now, I don't know what the heck feelings I have and whether I am "supposed" to have them or not or whether they are "mine" or not or what.

Mostly I just try to feel numb and then I get all of these psychosomatic illnesses.  Chronic stress, breathing issues when I get stressed, digestive issues, allergies, fatigue, joint pain, etc etc.  Nice.

I was usually the kid in the back trying to be quiet and follow the rules, so I'm not great with feelings right now.

[Ami]

Dear Cham
 We are in the same place. Today, I feel so happy that I "touched" that deep place of feelings in my heart and body. I feel better,inside, not just in my head.
 If I could find a therapist who would understand and be able to put Alice Miller in to practice,I would go. However, my attempts at therapy have been either all "head" or bad(LOL)
Keep writing, Cham. We will help each other.            Love to you,   Ami

(((((((((Chamomille)))))))))

[Hopalong]

Hi Chamomile,

There's a safe supplement that's done wonders for me in terms of lifting mood and relieving joint pain at the same time: SAM-e.

You can get it over-the-counter anywhere.

Hops

[Chamomile]

Hopalong-- thanks for the recommendation, I'll look into it!

Phoenix Rising-- thank you for the list, I copied and pasted into my notes.  I might even put this list in my organizer.  This will be useful. 

[Ami]

Thank you, Amber. That is a good suggestion. Thanks so much,   Ami