I need advice

[lighter]

Then I guess that makes you their T, De?.

Helping them understand their mother's 'sickness' without ridiculing or disrespecting her.....

as long as the children don't grow up feeling crazy or doubting their realities.....

right?

I don't know....

I wish you energy and wisdom with the situation.

Lighter

[Gabben]

Deb,

Last night I had the thought that no matter what happens in this situation just the very fact that you hold the children in your heart with compassion and concern makes a huge difference.

Sometimes that is all we can do, but I have confidence that you will push on and find a path to take here that works for the children and the mom, one way or the other.

Lise

[Hopalong]

Hi Deb,
This is a heartbreaking thing.

Only thing I can suggest is that you try to build your relationship with her kids to the point that you get time with them alone, and then give them all the tenderness you can.

Also, if you could talk about counseling as a general subject, maybe telling them how when you were young you wished you had somebody to talk to about things, and wow, these days you've heard they even have counselors in schools that kids can go talk to...do they know about that?

Without telling them to do it. Maybe just introducing the thought that they are allowed to get help.

I think what she's doing to her children is devastatingly destructive.

sorrowfully,
Hops

[debkor]

Hops and Lise,

Yes her D is aware about the school but no way will she go there.  She loves her mom and would not say a word about her to outsiders.  She trust me and considers me family and I think that is why she said something to me.   It was the first time and I don't want to point her in another direction right yet. She knows I would not hurt her mom but take her mom on to defend so she feels comfortable with  me.  There is to much war going on with dad, mom and Gma and the dad and Gma is all about shaming mom, and a bad mom..  She just needed a soft spot to place her feelings.  She trust I will know what to do with it.  And I have to wait for the right time too.  I think I could talk M into counseling with D but not right now. It's too hot! But M does like therapy. So it's not out.  But there is a money issue.

Now

Today the M called me and spoke about how she is going to stay home and she likes that better then going out.  She will hang plants on the porch so they can sit and listen to music.  She likes the stream and wants to plant flowers.

Then spoke about the D joining a sport and how she will like it but be tired at first.  It would be good for her to get out and her health.  Then we spoke about a summer sport so she's not bored and has something to do and it was a nice conversation all about HER CHILDREN!

I'm wondering if the D said something and I on the other hand am talking nothing but about my kids and what I'm doing and FAMIY, FAMILY, FAMILY along with my S and his grades and what I"m going to do, that I don't want to over punish and have to be carefull, he's just a kid, and I have to walk in his shoes and bla, bla,

But although she has always been about ME,ME,ME she is (really bad )since divorce.  She was never mean to her children like she is now and her lifestyle has went to a 20 yr old,stupid and dangerous at times.  Now I see it swinging back to more me and my friends lifestyle which  is all about Family and that's alright cause her kids swing back this way then too.  We just tell her to shut up and get over herself.  I have strong, strong boundaries and she has not crossed the ones I laid out, other things, she has crossed everyone of them (lol).  She will take you where you will allow her to go. But I love her kids and I don't hate her, she still is like a sister with LOTS OF PROBLEMS and if I run from her I run from her kids.... so I stay ....put... with lots of tylenol... and you guys...

Love
Deb

[lighter]

Sounds like your nieces have a a pretty stable Auntie in their lives, Deb.

You'll be their rock, thank God.

Lighter