Kelly, Kelly, Kelly,
Although you think that you have not accomplished what you set out to do, I think you have. It's just loose ends needing to be tied all together and sometimes one moves slower then the other or all of them move slooowww but you really did do it.
lets see:
Lap Band, Done, check, just need more time, work in progress.
New Job, Done, check, although not hired yet, neither was I, but you will be. Work in progress
Raised a beautiful D and happily married with baby on the way and GMa in the waiting. Everything anyone hopes for, Done, Check, beautiful grand child work in progress.
Business out of home so you can be a stay at home mom, work in progress, Done Check
House siding, painting, pool being opened, done, Check
So Kell what is next on your list that you need to do and start. You already started the others (did, done) and waiting for the results. Sometimes they flow in slow then one right after the other but they do come.
Look at everything I wrote. I'd say thats a lot. Give yourself some credit here. And no sinking. If your tired then your tired nothing wrong with that. And if you want to cry then cry.
Do you think you do not deserve to feel for yourself. Go ahead. You...... are....... tired and that is alright.
You want Hope, Kell, your looking at it, it's you hon. Your solving your own problems from your own hope and faith, See it, I see it.
You are Hope Kelly, don't be silly, look at the list and that was from your mouth, your actions and you did do all those things just very slow on results. Same happens with me. You can't rush time it will come when it comes.
Don't shut down Kell. Rest and shutting down are two different things and it is perfectly fine to take a rest. You have done quite a bit. Rest time.
Well, Kell, I don't know what to say but just everything you have DONE makes me tired just to read it. It is not you Kelly it's timing and that you cannot control. Don't beat yourself up over nothing you have control over. You set out what you needed to do wanted to do, so yes, you have done it. Time can be long and feel cruel but there is a reason and it's annoying and frustrating but not of your control. It will come, in it's time, don't give up. You are hope.
You write it every time you write on here.
I have faith and hope in you Kell. If your tired and disappointed at times then I will write what you forget to think about and it is your words and your actions that came out of your mouth to remind you of what you do/did/done. That is nothing to get depressed about. I am proud of you Kell. You have taken on so much and you have not failed, just time, being cruel and slow.
And I swear there are reasons why it is so slow sometimes..
Although I thought I was running out of time and it was so slow (felt cruel) there was a reason, even though I had sunk into depression and thought nothing was going right and would get worse and maybe too late and no matter what I did or where I went it never seemed to resolve itself and I felt stuck and lost hope and didn't even want to get out of bed.
This was with my S Kell and you know what the timing (the cruelty of it) was meant to be. It actually was supposed to be that way although I felt different at the time (of time going by) and it really needed to be because if the timing was not just right and where it was supposed to be and long and drawn out (feeling cruel and never ending) I think that jumping and rushing time could have killed my son. So time is important let it come to you and it will when it's meant to be.. It can be right away or awhile.
So don't put so much of yourself on time. It will come.
Enjoy yourself with your Dad now Kelly. Talk about anything, everything or just sit there. And take care of yourself too.
Thinking of you.
Love
Deb
