A terrific new book on self-deception

[Hopalong]

I think what I meant by Bah! was really:

lalalalalalalalallalalalalalalalalala (with my fingers in my ears).

But. I don't avoid reality because I wish to abuse the vulnerable.
I avoid the full strength of reality (e.g., documentaries about famine, food riots, animal suffering from human greed and cruelty, climate change, war, corporate greed) because my mind knows these things are fully real, but I can't function or thrive when I'm heartbroken, and I was too heartbroken by cruelty (not just to me, to the vulnerable) for too long to contemplate it for often or for long.

Lah.

I need to be happy to live a good life.
I want to be happy.

I can absorb others' pain, and do that often, but usually one at a time.

The rest of the time, mostly, denial is my friend.

I donate to some campaigns and I make "speeches"(sermons) about some of these things, or write poems...that's all.

love
Hops

[teartracks]

Hi,

Don't know what about it keeps me harping on this one passage from a book I haven't read yet, but indulge me one more harping session.  It's just a short little exercise I put myself through.  Read it this way and see if it seems any more attainable, realistic or reachable than in its original.


“There is in fact a category of people who get unusually close to the truth about themselves and the world.  Their self-perceptions are more balanced, they assign responsibility for success and failure more even-handedly, and their predictions for the future are more realistic.  These people are living testimony to the emotional safety and security gained in the pursuit of self knowledge.  They are the happy, euphoric, elated, booming, prospering segment of our society.  [/i]
tt

PS  In the original, the redeeming qualities (the ones that go before the last two sentences) are pretty noble ones.  I like thinking that I may be 'close to the truth about themselves and the world.  Their self-perceptions are more balanced, they assign responsibility for success and failure more even-handedly, and their predictions for the future are more realistic.'

It all just seems a little short on the euphoria, elation, booming, prospering side. 

A catch '22'?

tt

[teartracks]

Hi bean,

Self knowledge = clinical depression = Enjoy your symptom! ]

tt

[Leah]

Another new book on self deception - which was posted onto the 'what helps' board (in an article).  Altogether amazing.


Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me) Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts

by Carol Tavris

Product Description

Why do people dodge responsibility when things fall apart? Why the parade of public figures unable to own up when they screw up? Why the endless marital quarrels over who is right? Why can we see hypocrisy in others but not in ourselves? Are we all liars? Or do we really believe the stories we tell?

Backed by years of research and delivered in lively, energetic prose, Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) offers a fascinating explanation of self-deception—how it works, the harm it can cause, and how we can overcome it.



From the Inside Flap

"Tavris and Aronson have combined their formidable skills to produce a gleaming model of social insight and scientific engagement. Make no mistake, you need to read this book." -- Robert B. Cialdini, author of Influence: Science and Practice

Why do people dodge responsibility when things fall apart? Why the parade of public figures unable to own up when they screw up? Why the endless marital quarrels over who is right? Why can we see hypocrisy in others but not in ourselves? Are we all liars? Or do we really believe the stories we tell?

In this terrifically insightful, engaging new book, renowned social psychologists Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson take a compelling look into how the brain is wired for self-justification. When we make mistakes, we must calm the cognitive dissonance that jars our feelings of self-worth. And so we create fictions that absolve us of responsibility, restoring our belief that we are smart, moral, and right— a belief that often keeps us on a course that is dumb, immoral, and wrong. Backed by years of research, Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) offers a fascinating explanation of self-deception—how it works, the harm it can cause, and how we can overcome it. Turn the page, but be advised: You will never be able to shun blame quite so casually again.



Why do people refuse to admit mistakes - so deeply that they transform their own brains? They're not kidding themselves: they really believe what they have to believe to justify their original thought.

There are some pretty scary examples in this book. Psychologists who refuse to admit they'd bought into the false memory theories, causing enormous pain. Politicians. Authors. Doctors. Therapists. Alien abduction victims.

Most terrifying: The justice system operates this way. Once someone is accused of a crime - even under the most bizarre circumstances - the police believe he's guilty of something. Even when the DNA shows someone is innocent, or new evidence reveals the true perpetrator, they hesitate to let the accused person go free.

This book provides an enjoyable, accurate guide through contemporary social psychology. So many "obvious" myths are debunked as we learn the way memory really works and why revenge doesn't end long-term conflict.


Not quite finished the book - certainly has answered many questions, at this point in time.

Leah x

[towrite]

I echo Hops. I can be depressed without having to face stark reality all the time. If a little self-deception can pull me out of the hole, even for a short time, I'm all for it.

[Dr. Richard Grossman]

Hi everybody,

I appreciated the diverse responses to the book and the quote.  Often the path between happiness/self-satisfaction and truth diverge, and we are (luckily?) not conscious of our soothing self-deceptions and distortions.  A fascinating topic!

Dandylife:  I’m glad you’re enjoying Chekhov.  If you haven’t already, I hope you get a chance to read or see the plays as well.  “Vanya on 42nd Street (a cinematic version of “Uncle Vanya”) is one of my all-time favorite movies.  Thanks to you and everybody else who has made purchases from Amazon via the “Board”.  Your support is very much appreciated.

Best,

Richard